What If
by KimberlyJordan
Summary: A prequel to the Nashville story line... What if Rayna had made different choices way back when? This is my first Fan Fic. Please comment, critique, and let me know if you'd like me to continue? Chapter 1 is fairly vague, but I do have a direction I'd lik
1. Chapter 1

Deacon had been missing for more than 24 hours. Rayna was out of her mind with worry. Not that this was anything new.

Deacon often went off on these benders, sometimes for days at a time. It was pretty much the same scenario over and over.

They'd have a fight over something stupid, or lately it had been mostly about Deacon's drinking.

He was disappearing more often and for longer periods of time. He was blowing off rehearsals.

Not that Deacon Claybourne needed any rehearsing. The man could play anything flawlessly after hearing it once, no matter how inebriated he appeared.

This both mesmerized and infuriated Rayna to no end.

At first it was only rehearsals Deacon seemed to miss, but in recent months he began missing gigs too.

Normally Rayna would brush it off, make excuses, and Watty would find someone to cover for Deacon, but as the same scenario played out more and more often Watty was becoming increasingly concerned both for Rayna's wellbeing and her future as a break out country star.

The gigs were getting bigger and the stakes were getting higher.

A major screw up and things could all end before they even began in the music world.

Watty had arranged for Rayna and Deacon to open at some state fairs for some big name players in country music.

Vince Gill, and George Strait were the two biggest.

He had also arrange for another up and coming artist Luke Wheeler to open because he knew Deacon wasn't dependable, and they needed a backup plan.

Rayna was unaware of that detail. She just assumed Luke was another opening act.

Watty had discovered most of Nashville's best musicians and huge country stars in little dive bars and even on the streets of downtown Nashville.

He knew talent when he saw it, and his instincts rarely failed him.

He knew Rayna Jaymes was special the first time he heard her sing onstage with her mother Virginia Wyatt.

She was barely 13 at the time, but her father a powerful Nashville business tycoon Lamar Wyatt wanted his young daughter to have absolutely nothing to do with the music industry and made sure Rayna's public performances were few and far between.

It wasn't until 5 years later, and sadly a few years after Virginia had died in a horrible car accident, that Watty was able to really help Rayna begin her career in country music.

He knew she was bound for greatness. She had defied he father and left home at 18 determined to make it on her own.

She was waitressing at the famous Bluebird café in Nashville to make ends meet when Watty finally convinced her to do an open mic.

Rayna was a beautiful young woman. She was a strawberry blonde with bright green eyes, and a flawless complexion.

Her figure was perfectly curved in all the right places.

She captured the attention of every man in the room as soon as she walked in, but she barely noticed.

All Rayna cared about was music and finding a way to the top of the charts.

Although she wasn't making much money waitressing, she still had all of her expensive clothes and boots daddy had paid for.

She seemed awkward and out of place as a waitress. Rayna knew she wanted to be a star, like her mother. Music was all she ever thought about…until Deacon Claybourne!

Deacon Claybourne was also working as a bar tender and back up guitarist at the Bluebird.

Watty also knew that Deacon could really make it big in country music if he would only concentrate on music and less on drinking and women.

The baby faced young man could pick a guitar like no one Watty had ever heard.

He could pick up a song after hearing it only once. Watty had never seen anyone write a song in a matter of minutes and be able to perform it shortly after in front of a crowd like he'd been playing it for years.

It didn't hurt that Deacon was also drop dead gorgeous and pretty much had his pick of any woman he chose.

His raspy southern drawl made most women swoon.

Coupled with his deep blue eyes, and southern charm few women were able to resist.

Deacon loved music and the bar scene.

He was content to spend his nights at the Bluebird working, playing guitar, drinking, and taking a different woman home every night.

He had no desire to make it big.

He had escaped from Natchez, Mississippi after what Watty suspected was a not so great childhood.

Deacon never spoke of any family.

He had one close friend Vince who seemed more hell bent on a life of drinking and women than Deacon.

Watty hated to see so much talent wasted, but Deacon wouldn't even discuss setting foot in a recording studio.

He wanted to play his music, his way and no one was going to change that…until Rayna Jaymes!

Luke Wheeler was another of Watty's young prodigies.

He wasn't quite as good with a guitar as Deacon, but he wasn't far behind.

He was an amazing drummer, but also a ladies man and drumming just didn't attract the woman like being the lead singer.

Luke was young, good looking, could sing and entertain a crowd for hours with his charisma and southern Kentucky boy charm.

Luke wasn't much for writing, but he could take someone else's lyrics, put his own spin on a song, and make it his own.

He was a little on the cocky side, and determined to make it big in country music no matter what.

He dated, but no one in particular, and he was more concerned with getting his music career off the ground than chasing woman, although he was never against friendly flirting every chance he got.

Like Deacon the first time he spotted Rayan at the Bluebird, the world seemed to stand still.

Watty had warned him that Rayna and Deacon had become a bit of an item and Deacon didn't particularly care for other men getting too close to Rayna.

Watty had also warned him that Deacon had quite a temper when he was drinking and not to cause trouble, especially since he'd be sending all 3 of them out together to open for Vince Gill, and George Strait.

Watty had filled Luke in on Deacon's demons.

He was basically sending him as a backup plan for Deacon, and promised Luke more exposure in return for the favor.

Watty also asked that he keep that little tid bit to himself.


	2. Chapter 2

Rayna was excited about the tour.

She was happy to be getting away from Nashville, her father, and Deacon's best friend Vince.

She loved Vince like a brother.

He meant well and would do anything for Deacon or Rayna for that matter.

Vince had a heart of gold, but more issues with drinking than Deacon.

He knew Deacon was head over heels in love with Rayna, and that she was good for him.

Either of them alone, or even together at home weren't too bad, but get the two of them together at the bars drinking and there was going to be trouble.

More than once since Rayna and Deacon became an item a year ago she had received a tearful "I'm sorry" call from the county jail at 3am.

Deacon and Vince had been in a bar fight, or had been pulled over for drinking and driving.

Sadly, those were the calls she'd rather receive.

The worst were the calls from one of Nashville's hospitals saying Deacon had been admitted for alcohol poisoning, or he'd been in a bar fight and was there for broken bones, or stiches.

Once after a heavy night of drinking with Vince, Deacon had come home, passed out, and was completely unresponsive the next morning.

Rayan was terrified he was dead.

She called 911, and sobbed as they carried him out on a stretcher.

Later after a stomach pump, soaking several sets of sheets, and gowns with sweat, he was awake and tearfully sobbed and begged Rayna as she sat next to his bed to forgive him for putting her through that.

That night he'd agreed to rehab for the first time.

He managed to stay in rehab only 2 weeks.

Rayna had come home from a shift at the Bluebird to find him in their apartment with a candle lit dinner and a dozen roses for her.

She was furious he'd left rehab after only 2 weeks, but he seemed better and she couldn't resist his sweet southern charm.

One look into his deep, blue eyes and she melted.

He swore he was better, and he'd never touch Jack Daniels again.

Deacon was good for several weeks after his 2 week stint in rehab.

He said no whenever Vince wanted to go out, but Rayna suspected that he was drinking at home again.

She looked the other way and pretended not to notice the bottles hidden around the apartment, and prayed that drinking was all he'd taken up again.

She knew both Deacon and Vince had taken pills, smoked pot, and even experimented with cocaine in the past.

At least he was staying home and out of trouble, but after a couple months Vince talked him into going out one night.

Rayna was beyond furious the next morning when they rolled in around 4am.

She knew better than to fight with Deacon when he was drunk, but that night she'd had enough.

She started the mother of all fights with him about kicking Vince out for good.

It had actually been Deacon and Vince's apartment.

Rayna had moved in once she and Deacon became and item.

It was always a bit awkward with Vince there.

Rayna just assumed he'd move out sooner or later, but he seemed in no hurry to do so.

After all, if he had to pay all of the rent somewhere that would cut into his drinking money.

As it was, Vince only worked long enough to pay rent and have booze money.

He had worked at least half a dozen jobs since Rayna had met him a year earlier.

Most of them he lost for not showing up, or showing up drunk.

Vince was a decent guitar player.

Deacon often got him stand in gigs at the Bluebird when someone canceled and they needed a backup quickly, but they were usually one time deals.

If they went beyond a few shows Vince would pull the same crap and not show up or be too drunk to perform if he did.

Rayna hated making Deacon choose between her and his one and only close friend, but she couldn't take living like that anymore.

It was her or Vince, but someone was moving out.

Deacon was more pissed off than Rayna had ever seen him. "How can you do this to me?" he spat.

"Vince is the ONLY person that's been there for me since we were kids."

"What about me?" Rayna screamed!

"How many times have I bailed you out of jail, sat by your hospital bed, sat up all night making sure you kept breathing after you drank enough to kill most people"

She was shaking uncontrollably as she screamed at Deacon.

"I can't live like this anymore Deacon"

"I won't live this way anymore"

"Oh like I've never fuckin done anything for you" Deacon screamed back!

"Vince and I took you in, let you move in here after your daddy cut you off"

"You'd have been living on the goddamn streets if Vince hadn't talked me into letting you stay here"

"How well do you think you'd have done in your designer boots, and clothes alone on the streets of Nashville without me?"

"Who the hell do you think talked Sarah into keeping you on as a waitress at the Bluebird?"

"You were a hot damn mess, without a clue how to do anything without daddy's money"

"Do you really think you'd have made it without me, huh?"

Deacon was becoming more irate as he yelled.

For the first time in their year long relationship Rayna feared he might actually harm her.

He was smashing furniture, and breaking glass.

She was afraid to move, afraid to speak.

Deacon's face was bright red, and he was shaking with anger.

Vince had left as soon as he realized how mad Deacon really was.

A loud knock on the door startled Rayna…

Deacon yelled "Who the fuck is here at 4am?"

A booming voice came back… "Police, open the door NOW!"

Deacon cursed "Shit"

He opened the door.

Two armed officers stepped into the apartment.

They noticed a visibly shaken Rayna sitting on the couch.

"Are you OK mam?"

She nodded yes.

"Are you sure? He didn't hurt you"

"N n n ooo" Rayna managed to utter.

"Do you both live here?"

"Y y y es"

"Well, your neighbors called because they were concerned"

"Is there somewhere one of you can go for the night?"

"We're not leaving you together, for now!"

Deacon protested "WE'RE FINE, just an argument"

"Yeah, well, by the looks of this place it's NOT FINE!"

The officers looked around at the broken furniture, cracked picture of a happy Rayna and Deacon together onstage at the Bluebird, shards of glass all over the floor, records scattered.

Rayna had regained some of her composure now

"I'll leave" she managed to say.

"I was planning to leave anyway"

"Rayna, RAY, PLEASE?, don't go"

"I already have a bag packed."

One of the officers made Deacon stay in the apartment as the other led Rayna out to the police car.

That was the second time Deacon agreed to rehab.

He had found Rayna at her sister Tandy's a few days later.

Tandy was not happy to see Deacon Claybourne at her door.

Rayna showing up at 4:30 am, sobbing a few days ago only confirmed her suspicions that things between Deacon and Rayna were not good.

Normally his charm, and boyish good looks could crack Rayna in seconds, but she was having none of it this time.

"It's OVER, Deacon!"

"I'm not living that way anymore"

"Rayna, PLEASE, just come home?"

"Vince moved out"

"I don't care. You scared the hell out of me the other night"

"I'm sorry, look, I know I screwed up AGAIN, but I love you"

"I'll do whatever you want, just PLEASE don't say it's over"

"Come home…PLEASE?"

He was pleading, and tears were sliding down his cheeks.

"I'm so sorry I scared you"

"I never meant to….I didn't mean…"

He could barely speak.

The thought of losing Rayna was killing him.

"You say that EVERYTIME, Deacon"

"You need to get help!"

Much to Rayna's surprise, he didn't argue.

Rayna dropped him off at rehab the next morning.

She moved back to the apartment against Tandy's wishes.

Her sister was furious.

"Why are you going back?"

"I love him"

"Enough to lose your family?" Tandy had screamed at Rayna

"If you go back, don't show up here next time he does this, and he WILL do it again"

Deacon stayed the full 60 days in rehab this time, with Rayna's love and support.

She promised she'd be waiting when he got out.

2 months later, as promised Rayna was there in the parking lot when Deacon walked out of rehab for the second time.

He looked amazing.

His blue eyes were clearer than Rayna had ever seen them.

He'd gained some weight, and even got some sun spending days in the courtyard

Deacon was the most gorgeous man Rayna had ever laid eyes on, and she knew she'd love him for the rest of her life.

Deacon was also ecstatic to see her there.

Rayan was the love of his life.

She was beautiful in the afternoon sun

He loved her red hair and green eyes

It didn't hurt that she was perfectly physically fit too.

She'd clearly spent the past 2 months taking out her frustrations in the gym

He'd grabbed her around the waist and planted a deep kiss on her mouth before she even had a chance to speak.

"I missed you so damn much, baby"

"I missed you too, Deacon"

"I was kinda worried you might change your mind, and not be here today"

"A promise is a promise, Deacon"

"I'll always love you, and never promise anything I can't deliver"

"I don't deserve you, but I'm damn happy you're here, and I'm gonna make this work, this time"

The next month went well

Watty had been waiting for Deacon's rehab completion to tell them about the tour he'd arranged with Vince Gill, and George Strait.

Luke had filled in for Deacon at all of Rayna's gigs and recordings while he was away.

That part didn't sit well with Deacon, especially the work Luke had done on Deacon's songs.

The thought of anyone else singing their songs with her drove him crazy, but it was his fault he'd been away.

There was something about Luke he didn't like, and he sure as hell didn't like the way Luke looked at Rayna, but he was back now so he pushed his feelings aside.

Things between Deacon and Rayna were better than they'd ever been.

He was attending his AA meeting daily, and even including Rayna sometimes.

She had a new understanding for what alcoholism meant, and saw it more as a disease that Deacon had to fight to keep under control.

Until Deacon, she'd never experienced alcoholism.

She just assumed it was something Deacon could easily control if he loved her enough.

Rayna knew now that this would be a lifelong battle for him, for them if they stayed together, and she was willing to help him beat this.

Vince had gone back to Natchez to help take care of his mother.

She had been diagnosed with cancer a few weeks after Deacon had gone into rehab.

Rayan felt horrible for him.

He wasn't taking things well, and there was little hope for his mom, but she was secretly happy he was several hours away and not anywhere near Deacon.

They were about to embark on their first official tour, and life couldn't be better.


	3. Chapter 3

Rayna sat quietly at the back of the room as Deacon accepted his 120 days sober AA chip.

She was so proud of him.

He'd spent 60 days in rehab, and had been home a full 60 days now.

He was doing an amazing job of keeping his life on track.

He was faithfully attending AA meetings.

He hadn't missed a rehearsal, or gig since his rehab release 2 months ago.

She knew he still had rough days, but he'd always attend an extra meeting or two when he was feeling shaky.

Rayna was doing her best to trust him, but she still felt uneasy, and feared a relapse.

She tried to push the negative thoughts away, but no matter how well he was doing, she couldn't shake the nagging feeling that he'd screw up again.

Deacon didn't know she was watching his bank statements, checking his pockets, searching the apartment for bottles and drugs, searching his truck, and checking his phone daily for anything out of the ordinary.

Until a week ago nothing seemed odd, but all of the sudden she noticed incoming calls from a 769 area code on Deacons phone…Natchez, Mississippi.

At first she thought maybe his sister or mom, but she knew Deacon rarely had contact with them, and if one of them called she was sure he'd tell her about it.

The one person he might fail to mention a call from…Vince!

Deacon hadn't mentioned Vince since before he'd gone into rehab over 4 months ago.

She gently sat the phone back on the nightstand, next to a peacefully sleeping Deacon.

He was so damn cute snoring lightly with the covers pulled up tight under his scruffy chin.

Rayna felt horrible sneaking around checking up on him.

She took a deep breath, and tried to clear her head.

"OK, what am I so worried about?" she asked herself.

The incoming calls showed that they were missed calls.

There were no outgoing calls to that number.

Even if it was Vince it didn't appear Deacon had taken any of the calls, nor had he called back, unless he deleted them, but why leave any of the calls from that number in the phone memory if he wanted to hide them.

Rayna wondered if the caller had left messages, but she didn't have Deacon's PIN number to check the messages on the phone.

She laid awake for a couple hours before her curiosity got the best of her.

She quietly slipped out of bed and grabbed Deacons phone from the nightstand again.

She sat on the couch and thought about what Deacon might use as a 4 digit PIN.

Most likely something easy like his birthday…she flipped the phone open, and entered 9968.

"I'm sorry, you have entered and invalid personal identification number" said a recorded voice.

"Crap, not Deacon's birth date" she cursed.

She tried her birth date 3672

"ugh…not it either, oh shut up" she said to the recorded message telling her she was wrong again.

"OK, 3rd times a charm, what would Deacon use as a number he could easily remember?"

Rayna had left her father's home on her 18th birthday, 2 years earlier.

She met Deacon at the Bluebird about a month later on April 10, 1990

Their first date had been a week later on April 17, 1990

"41090 or 41790 would be too many numbers" she cursed to herself again.

"What would Deacon use?"

She flipped the phone open again, and entered 1990

"You have 3 saved messages" said the recorded voice

"YES" she silently cheered.

"Message one, November 6, 1991"…it was her own voice she heard…"Hey, Babe…I miss you soo much. I just wanted to hear your voice, even if it is just a recorded message saying you can't answer. I love you, and can't wait to have you home again"

A tear slid down Rayna's cheek.

She had left him that message the first time he went to rehab 6 or 7 months ago.

She knew he wouldn't hear it until he was released, but she had just wanted to hear his voice.

Deacon was so damn sentimental, but she loved that about him.

She couldn't believe he had kept that message all this time, and a pang of guilt hit her.

"What the hell am I doing hacking Deacon's phone"

There were 2 more messages, but she closed the phone.

Just as the phone flipped shut with a clap, she heard the bedroom door open.

Caught, red handed with his phone in her hand at 2:15am!

"What are you doin, Ray?'

She knew she was screwed.

The first thing Deacon reached for whenever he woke up was Rayna, followed by his phone to check the time.

Both of which were NOT THERE this time.

He was shirtless, with only sweat pants loosely hanging from his waste.

She couldn't deny that Deacon Claybourne was sexy as hell even when he was mad, which at the moment she could see his jaw was clenched, and he was trying to control whatever feelings he was having.

His eyes were fixed on her, but she couldn't read his expression.

He didn't appear pissed off like she thought he might be, given the situation, but it was more hurt she saw behind his deep blue eyes.

Rayna froze, and stammered "I, uhh, couldn't sleep so…" her voice trailed off, and she looked away.

She couldn't face him. She felt horrible for not trusting him, especially after hearing her own message saved all these months later.

Deacon walked towards her.

She wasn't sure what he was going to do.

He gently took his phone from her hand, planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, and sat down next to her.

Rayna was completely dumbfounded.

She expected a fight, and instead he had just kissed her more sweetly, and gently than she'd ever been kissed before.

"You don't trust me. I get it. I don't blame you."

"Deacon, I…"

He took her hand.

"Rayna, stop, let me get this out, PLEASE"

"I know you've been checking up on me"

"Since I got home we've been tiptoeing around each other, tryin not to make any waves"

"Jesus Ray, we've barely had a disagreement since I got back"

"That's not us"

"We're both passionate, creative people"

"Holding everything in is gonna kill us"

"I don't like fightin with you. Makin up's awfully fun though" He flashed his boyish grin, the one big enough to make his eyes crinkle at corners

Rayna loved his smile.

He could light up a room with his smile, and southern country boy charm.

No one had ever had that effect of her.

"I put your diamond earring back in your jewelry box"

"What…"

"The one you lost searching my truck a couple weeks ago"

Rayna's face turned fifty shades of red

"How did you…"

"You're not a very good damn PI Rayna" He smirked.

"You left it stud up in the driver's seat. It landed just right in the seat crack to stick me in the ass as soon as I climbed in" He was laughing at her now.

"Anyway…I guess you heard the message from Vince?"

"No, Deacon…I got as far as the message from me, and I felt guilty. I hung up. I was gonna put the phone back before you noticed it was missing, but then you caught me"

"Well, I'm sorry I didn't tell you Vince has called a couple times"

"I haven't called him back"

"The calls started a couple days ago"

"I guess his mama isn't doing well"

"They don't expect her to make it more than a couple weeks"

"I need to call him back"

"I wasn't trying to hide it from you"

"Things have just been so tense between us trying not to rock the boat, ya know"

"Jesus, when we were yelling at least I knew where we stood"

"I don't have a damn clue now"

"I feel like I'm on egg shells, and one little screw up you're gonna run back to Tandy's"

"Deacon, I'm not going anywhere as long as you're trying to stay sober, and trying so hard to make things work between us, I'll never walk away"

"I know how hard it's been"

"You went to 3 meetings yesterday"

"Yeah, since Vince started calling I've been feelin kinda shaky"

"More because I hadn't told you, I think, rather than hearing from him"

"You need to call him tomorrow"

"He probably needs his best friend right now"

"I will, but right now…I think we've got some makin up to do" He flashed another signature Deacon smile.

"One more thing…no more sneaking around, OK?"

"If you wanna know somethin, ask me"

"I got nuthin to hide from you darlin"

"You've seen me at my worst, and you're still here"

"I can't for the life of me figure out why, but I'm damn happy about where we are right now"

"I love you so much, Ray"

"I love you too, Deacon, and I'm so sorry for snooping, and not having faith in you"

"You're doing so well, and I'm so proud of you"

"I just didn't want to cause any friction between us for no reason"

"From now on I'll ask you, even if it's going to cause a disagreement"

"You're right, we're both passionate people and holding things in isn't going to work for us"

He flashed the crinkly eye smile again, and before Rayna realized what he was doing he had her in his arms carrying her towards the bedroom.

"Now, lets get to that makin up, and cause a little friction between us"


	4. Chapter 4

Deacon and Rayna awoke late the next morning. They had spent the better part of the night "makin up" after Deacon caught Rayna with his phone.

She loved waking up in his arms, morning sun streaming through the bedroom windows.

"Mornin darling. Did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, I did. Better than I had in a while. I'm glad we talked and cleared the air last night"

"Me too. You hungry?"

"Famished"

"How bout one of my famous omlets?"

"Oh that sounds amazing, babe"

"I'm gonna take a quick shower while you get breakfast"

Rayna stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later to the aroma of peppers, onion, bacon, and eggs.

She made her way out to the kitchen, and wrapped her arms around a still bare chested Deacon at the stove.

"That smells amazing"

"Gotta feed you and get your strength back up. We may need another round of "makin up" just to be sure" he smirked.

"While I'd love to stay in bed with you all day, we can't. We have that recording thing with Watty at 1:30, some demos he wants to submit to some label"

"Oh, yeah…I forgot all about that. The only thing on my mind is you"

Rayna cleaned up the kitchen while Deacon showered. She was just finishing up when Deacon's phone rang on the countertop next to her. It was the Natchez number again. She knew Deacon needed to talk to Vince today, but she was still feeling uneasy about it.

A freshly showered, and delicious smelling Deacon emerged from the bedroom.

His cologne filled the room.

He was in his nice jeans, black boots, and a blue dress shirt that really accented his twinkling, deep blue eyes.

"You're looking very handsome today. I dunno, maybe we won't make his recording thing at 1:30 after all"

She playfully pushed him back towards the bedroom, while undoing his shirt buttons, and planting soft kisses down his chest

He smirked…"Fine by me"

She was on his last shirt button, when his phone rang on the kitchen counter again.

"Dammit" he cursed.

The realization that it was probably Vince again kinda ruined the mood for Rayna.

"You should probably get that. Vince called again while you were in the shower"

Deacon quickly began buttoning his shirt again, and headed towards the kitchen and his phone.

Rayna went to the bathroom to freshen up and put her face on for the meeting, and recording they had with Watty in less than an hour now.

She tried not to eaves drop on Deacon's call, but it was a small apartment, and she was curious as hell about Vince, and also worried about him.

She knew how it felt to lose a mother, and knew Vince was close to his.

She also worried about Deacon getting mixed up with Vince again though. He was doing so well with his AA.

Rayna could only hear Deacon's side, but she could tell Vince was having a really hard time. Deacon's voice cracked a few times too.

She was just finishing up her make up when Deacon wrapped his arms around her. She turned to face him. He had tears in his eyes.

"She passed away this morning" He barely got it out before the tears spilled over.

"She was like a second mother to me when we were kids. I spent a lot of time over at their house. She always had warm cookies and cold milk for us after school. Never got that at home"

"My mama was always too busy working extra jobs to keep us in clothes and shoes"

This was the first time in their almost 2 year relationship Rayna ever heard Deacon mention his childhood. She suspected he'd had it pretty rough as a kid, and he had little contact with his own family back in Natchez now. Rayna really wasn't sure where Deacon's dad was, or if he was even alive. She knew he had a mom and sister, but he rarely heard from them. Although she knew from her snooping the past couple months that he sent checks to his mother at least once a month.

He was holding her so tight.

"I'm soo sorry, babe. How is Vince?"

"He's a mess, doesn't know what the hell to do. He's an only child so it's all on him to make arrangements, and notify family, and whatever the hell else you do when someone dies"

Rayna knew where this was going and she was terrified to hear Deacon's next words.

"I'm going down there to help him, Rayna. I'll leave right after this recording thing today. Not sure when I'll be back, probably a week or so. Vince has the services, and her house, and all of her affairs to tend to. I can't leave him alone in this, Rayna. He's like a brother to me"

"I'll go with you, Deacon"

"NO, RAY!"

"Why not, Deacon? I can help with arrangements, and Vince is my friend too. I want to do this for him, for you"

"Absolutely NOT, you're not going Rayna!"

"DEACON!"

"RAYNA, it's not up for discussion. YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERE NEAR NATCHEZ!"

"DROP IT, PLEASE RAYNA!"

She could tell Deacon was getting angrier the more she protested her lack of invitation to his hometown.

"We don't have time for this now Rayna. We're suppose to meet Watty in 15 min, lets go"

"This isn't over Deacon. You said you wanted me to discuss things and not hide feelings anymore"

"Yeah, well…This is different, Rayna"

"Why, what…" He cut her off…

"GODDAMMIT RAYNA! PLEASE JUST FUCKIN DROP IT! YOU'RE NOT GOING. THAT'S IT. END OF STORY"

He slammed the apartment door, then the truck door, and cursed as he struggled to get the old truck started. The engine finally turned over on about the 5th try.

"DEACON, SLOW DOWN!"

"We're late, just shut up and let me worry about the drivin, alright"

Rayna had no idea why he was suddenly so pissed off, and so against her going with him to Natchez.

They arrived at the studio at 1:36. Watty was clearly perturbed by their tardiness, but always the gentleman noticed that something was wrong right away.

"Is everything OK with you two?" he asked as Deacon said "Hey Wat" and brushed by him quickly to begin tuning his guitar in the corner.

"We've had a death in the family, Watty. Vince's mom passed this morning. We just got the call like 30 minutes ago"

"I'm sorry to hear that. We can do this another time if…" Deacon cut him off.

"NO, let's just get this over with today, alright? I'm not sure when I'll be back, and we're leaving on this damn tour in a few weeks. Let's just do this now, OK?"

The recording session was tense, but Watty got what he needed after about 3 hours.

Deacon had his guitar cased and was headed towards the door before Rayna realized he was leaving.

"DEACON?"

"WHAT, RAYNA?"

Clearly the 3 hour session hadn't calmed him down any, and Rayna wanted answers.

"what the hell is your problem?"

"I need to go to a meeting. Can you have Watty take you home?"

"No, Deacon. He has another artist already in the booth"

"Fine, I'll walk, here" He tossed Rayna his truck keys as he headed out the door.

Deacon emerged from his AA meeting 45 minutes later to find Rayna sitting in the parking lot.

"I said I'd walk. Why are you here?"

"It's 3 miles Deacon, and you're in your dress boots, carrying a guitar"

"Besides, you know I hate driving this truck"

He sighed as he opened the driver's side door. Rayna slid to the passenger side as he climbed in.

Deacon seemed a little calmer since his meeting,

Rayna thought maybe he'd open up a little now, and took the opportunity to push him about going with him to Natchez again.

They hadn't gone 2 blocks and Rayna could tell by the red shade of his face Deacon was already furious again.

"Why are you so angry?"

***Silence***

"What now you're just not gonna talk to me at all, Deacon?"

He pulled into the apartment parking lot, slammed the truck door, and went in without saying another word to Rayna.

She just sat in the truck for a long time wondering how this man could be so gentle, and loving last night when she thought he'd flip out over the phone incident and now THIS!

She didn't get it. He could be so damn moody.

Last night he had completely disarmed her. She felt closer to him than she ever had before. They had such a heartfelt talk, made love for hours, woke up in each other's arms, he made her breakfast, and all she'd wanted to do after Vince's phone call was support him and help in any way she could, he'd opened up a little about his childhood for the first time ever. She thought they'd made some major strides in their relationship.

Rayna was sitting on the front steps of the building trying not to cry when Deacon emerged with a suitcase.

He could see that she was fighting back tears.

He planted a gentle kiss on her forehead, and climbed into the truck.

Before he could get the temperamental truck started Rayna was in the passenger seat.

"What are you doin, Ray?"

"Talk to me Deacon, please?"

"I can't do this with you right now, Ray. Come on, please get out. I have an 8 hour drive ahead of me tonight, and that's assuming this piece of shit makes it without breakin down"

"So that's it, you're just gonna leave for a week or more, without telling me why you're so angry, and against me going with you?"

"I'll call you when I get there, OK?" was his only response.

Rayna reached for the door handle to get out. Tears started rolling down her cheeks.

Deacon never could stand to see her cry. He grabbed her left hand and pulled her into a tight hug. She was sobbing on his shoulder.

"I don't understand this, Deacon"

He gently wiped her tears away, and planted a sweet kiss on her lips.

"I love you Ray"

"I love you too Deacon"


	5. Chapter 5

It was after 2 am when Deacon pulled into Natchez, Mississippi. Not much had changed in the 8yrs since he'd left home at only 16, after a horrible screaming match with his mother.

He felt an instant pang of guilt for leaving his mother and sister alone in such a horrible situation, but he had to get out. The hurt, physical, and mental pain he'd suffered at the hands of his father for 16 years was rushing back all at once, and overwhelming all of his senses. Just being in this town made his craving for a bottle of Jack almost unbearable, and the worst was yet to come. He wanted to support Vince, but he wasn't sure he was strong enough to relive his past. He was shaky, and trembling, partly because he hadn't eaten since the omelette's he'd made Rayna yesterday.

Natchez was a historic town of around 15,000 people. Most would say it was an idealistic place to live. Not too big, but not too small. Located along the Mississippi river, close to the Louisiana border, but for Deacon coming back here was his worst nightmare. He would give anything right now to slide into bed with Rayna, bury his face in her hair, smell her shampoo, perfume, and hold her as tight as he could till sunrise.

He pulled into an empty church parking lot, and punched Rayna's number into his phone. She answered on the 2nd ring.

"Still up, huh?"

"Deacon, I've been so worried about you"

"I know, I'm sorry about today, for bein such a jerk"

"Are you OK?"

"Not really, Ray. I'm not sure I can do this"

His voice was shaky and she could tell he was on the verge of tears.

"I haven't wanted a drink so bad in over 4 months"

He was scaring her now, but she had to be strong and try to talk him through this. If she cracked and started crying she knew he would too, and he was already so upset, although she really didn't know enough about his past to know why.

"Deacon, listen to me…you need to find a local AA chapter as soon as you can"

"It's 2am Rayna. That's gonna have to wait. I haven't even seen Vince yet, and I'm sure my mom and sister will find out I'm here before long"

"Aren't you planning to see them while you're there?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat

"I don't know, Rayna"

"DEACON, you haven't seen your mother in 8 yrs. You need to see her before you leave. You'll regret it if you don't and something happens to her before you get the chance again"

***silence***

"Deacon, DEACON?"

"I'm still here" His voice was barely audible.

"Maybe you should check into a hotel, get some sleep, and see Vince in the morning when you're feeling little stronger"

***more silence***

"Deacon, Deacon, DEACON!"

She could hear him breathing, but he wasn't responding.

"Please answer me" Her voice was cracking now

"GODDAMMIT DEACON, YOU'RE SCARING THE HELL OUT OF ME. TALK TO ME PLEASE" She was pleading now through tears.

***still silence***

He couldn't swallow the large lump in his throat. He didn't want Rayna to know he was crying so he had covered the phones mouthpiece until he could collect himself.

"DEACON CLAYBOURNE SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU DON'T TELL ME WHATS WRONG I'M RENTING A CAR FIRST THING IN THE MORNING AND COMING DOWN THERE!"

"NO RAYNA! Please just stay in Nashville" he managed to get out.

She heard the familiar tone of a dying flip phone.

Deacon was fumbling around in the glove compartment looking for the car charger.

"Rayna, I'm about to lose you. I can't find my damn charger. I gotta go. I'll call you when I can."

"Deacon, NO"

"I lo….." was the last she heard before his cell battery died.

"I love you too" she whispered to herself

She was hoping he'd find the charger and call back, but she realized that wasn't going to happen when she spotted his charging cradle, car charger, sunglasses, and anxiety pills on the kitchen counter. He'd obviously put them in a pile to remember to pack.

Deacon's doctor had prescribe a low dosage of Xanax to help with his anxiety levels after rehab. He was having such a hard time getting back to life without alcohol. It was against the doctor's better judgment, and Deacon had a lot of reservations about using anything addictive since AA strictly advised against it, but it did seem to help.

Rayna had worried about the drug and closely monitored the pills to make sure he was only taking one a day. She grabbed the bottle and counted the pills. Today is June 3, so there should be 27 pills in the bottle. There are 29. Deacon hasn't taken his meds in 2 days. He probably forgot yesterday after Vince's phone call, and obviously today he doesn't have them. That somewhat accounts for his behavior yesterday she thought.

She barely slept. She hated that Deacon was alone 8 hrs away and having such a hard time. She prayed he had taken her advice and checked into a hotel.

Unfortunately, Deacon had not taken Rayna's hotel advice. It was 3am and he was standing on Vince's mother's front porch.

"Vince, it's me Deacon, open up" He'd been pounding on the door several minutes when he just said "awe screw it" and walked around back. There used to be a spare key under the back doormat. Deacon was thrilled to see the key still there. He let himself in.

"Vince, VINCE, are you here? It's Deacon"

He walked down the hall to Vince's old bedroom. No one was there. He checked the other 2 bedrooms, and basement. The house was empty, and a complete disaster. Deacon wasn't the most tidy person, but he'd lived with Vince and knew his best friend was a total slob.

There were empty beer cans, and whiskey bottles strewn about the house. Weeks of dishes piled in the sink and spilling over to the countertops, garbage that hadn't been taken out spilling over the top of the can, takeout food containers on every flat surface, ashtrays overflowing.

Deacon was starving. He searched the fridge, freezer, pantry, cabinets…not a scrap of food in the place. Luckily for Deacon every alcohol container was empty. He wanted a drink more than food, but was doing his best to fight it.

He kept trying to think of Rayna back home and how disappointed she'd be if he slipped. Hell, she might leave him for good this time. He had to control it.

The thought of ever losing Rayna brought a tear to his eye. He loved her so damn much. Before his last trip to rehab, when she'd told him they were done, he'd felt like the air had been sucked out of him, and he'd drowned any second. He knew he was lucky to still have her in his life.

He was exhausted, but so jittery he had to find something to eat, and Vince. He was back in his truck driving the streets of Natchez at 330am.

The only places open were bars, which were about to close at 4am. He was sure one of them contained Vince, but had no idea where to begin, and the thought of walking into a bar wasn't sitting well with him. If he were ever at risk to slip, now was it, and he knew it.

He found a 24 hour gas station and stopped for food and coffee.

Deacon returned to his truck with a huge coffee, bag of chips, donuts, and a pop top can of spaghettios. The selection had been pretty sparse at 4am.

Rayna would blow a gasket if she saw this meal. She was completely disgusted by his habit of eating cold pasta from a can. He was pretty sure a spaghettio had never crossed Rayna's pretty lips, and he smiled remembering the first time she had seen the kitchen and food selection at the apartment.

Rayna wasn't much of a cook. She had grown up with a household staff and people to cook for her. She didn't want for any material possession as a kid. Daddy had money, and was better at buying Rayna and Tandy whatever they wanted rather than paying any real attention to them or showing affection.

Deacon's thoughts were becoming darker as he drove around the streets of his youth, slurping cold spaghettios from a can.

He had no idea why Rayna loved him. He had put her through hell in the barely 2 years they'd been together.

She was beautiful and had the voice of an angel. She had an amazing career in country music ahead of her. Any man would be thrilled to have her, but she wanted Deacon

It hadn't escaped Deacon that he was a good looking guy, and getting women was never an issue, but he had a lot of emotional baggage. A lot that Rayna still wasn't aware of even after 2 yrs together. It was an everyday battle for him to fight his demons.

Rayna was good for him, but being here in Natchez, remembering his first 16 yrs, and worrying that he was his fathers son, was making him doubt more than ever that he could really ever be good enough for Rayna.


	6. Chapter 6

It was after 5am. Deacon was exhausted, but still jittery as hell. He had gone back to see if Vince had come home once the 4am bars closed. The house was still empty. He tried to watch TV, but the cable had been disconnected so there wasn't much selection. He tried to sleep on the couch a little, but he couldn't get comfortable. He just felt so damn agitated, and uneasy.

It occurred to him that he hadn't taken a Xanax in a couple days. He retrieved his suitcase from the truck and checked all his pockets for that damn pill bottle, but it wasn't anywhere. It was almost 6am, he knew Rayna wasn't sleeping, and was probably still worried to death about him. He'd call and see if the pills were in the medicine chest.

He grabbed his flip phone… "Oh yeah, dead, shit"

It hit him that he had placed his charging cradle, car charger, sunglasses, and pills on the counter at home so he'd remember to pack all of them.

"FUCK"

"Brilliant Deke, just fuckin brilliant"

He wondered if he could get a pharmacy down here to fill his prescription. At least then maybe he'd feel a little better. He cursed himself and the thought that he was now dependent on Xanax.

"That's just fuckin great" he thought out loud "Trade one damn addiction, for another"

A light bulb popped on in his head. He'd seen a wall phone in the kitchen. He reached for the avocado green phone on the wall. Something out of the 60s or 70s. Of course, like the cable the phone was disconnected.

"Goddamn Vince!" the man couldn't pay a bill to save his life.

Deacon was actually surprised the power and water were even on. Vince had always had better things to do with his money than pay bills. It usually involved women and alcohol, or whatever his recreational drug of choice was at the time. Deacon was sure once Vince's mom had gone into the hospice center, Vince had let everything around the house go to hell. He hoped anyway that Rosa hadn't seen her house in its current state of disarray.

The poor woman had only Vince in her final hours. Deacon hoped like hell Vince had kept things together for her at the end and been a decent son, but he knew that probably wasn't true. He thought of his own mother, and Rayna's words on the phone about seeing her before he left Natchez again. Rayna was right. He needed to see her, needed to face his demons, and go home for the first time in 8 yrs.

He scribbled a note for Vince and stuck it on the fridge:

Vinny,

I'm in town.

Went to see mom and Bev.

Be back later.

Don't leave until I get back.

Deke

Deacon grabbed his keys and was back in the truck again by 7am. He found a pay phone :

Rayna was laying in bed trying to write some new lyrics. Deacon always made it seem so damn easy. She never seemed to be able to get a whole song without him. She was always amazed at how quickly lyrics just came to him. He couldn't talk to her to save his life at times, but if he could put it into lyrics and strum a guitar Deacon could say the sweetest things and absolutely melt her in a heartbeat.

The phone ringing so early startled her…

AT&T…

I have a collect call from Natchez, Mississippi

Will you accept the charges from a "Deacon Claybourne?"

"Yes"

"Hey babe, How are you feeling this morning?"

"Not great. Still haven't found Vince. Haven't slept. I've been to his mom's a couple times"

"Did you get a hotel?"

"No, just let myself in Vince's place. I tried to sleep, but I'm just so damn jittery and irritable"

"Speaking of irritable…I left a bunch of crap on the counter I meant to pack"

"Yep, saw that"

"Can you please do me a really big favor?"

"Anything babe"

"Call Dr. Pratt's office and see if they can send my prescription to the CVS down here?"

"I'm really feelin like I need sumthin, ya know. I hate like hell that I need that crap, but it does seem to help calm my nerves a little"

"OK as soon as we hang up, I'll call it in"

"Thanks sweetheart. What would I ever do without you?"

"Oh, you'd probably have a new bimbo every night and still be eatin spaghettios from a can"

"Haha…you know me too well. That was last night's dinner. Spaghettios from a can, not a bimbo"

"Gross, Deke"

"Well at least I'm not there to kiss you with my Chef Boy Arde breath"

"Right now I'd take a kiss any way I could get it. I miss you soo much Deacon"

"I'll be back soon. I miss you too Rayna"

"Listen, I'm gonna go try to see mom and Bev. I'll call you in a couple days"

"Good, I'm glad you decided to see them"

"We'll see, haven't done it yet"

"Is there any way to reach you, Deacon?"

"Not really. My phone is dead. The landline at Vince's is disconnected"

"OK, well check CVS a little bit later. I'm gonna call Dr. Pratt right now"

"Alright, thanks baby. I love you"

"Love you too, Deacon"

Deacon decided to find someplace to sit down for a nice breakfast while he waited for his prescription. There was an old diner across from CVS. It was an older building, mom and pop type place. Those are always the best places for good food. He ordered a big down home farm style breakfast complete with EVERYTHING.

It was almost 9am now. He headed to CVS to see if they were able to fill his Xanax prescription. He bought a bottle of water and popped a Xanax as soon as he got back in the truck. He took a deep breath and remembered a time when a shot made him feel that way.

"Why can't I just be normal and not need these damn vices" he cursed

He leaned his head back against the headrest and fell asleep for about 30 minutes

Deacon awoke to a tapping on his window. He rolled it down. There was a little Chinese lady smiling up at him.

"Ohhhh I glad you alive. You not look too good for man with such beautiful eye. You OK?"

"Yeah, yeah Deacon stammered, thanks for checking on me. I just drove all night, guess I'm a little tired"

"Oh ya I see Tennessee plate. Nashveel?"

"Yeah, how'd you know?"

"You got that country look about you, and guitar in back of truck"

'Oh yeah, thanks, I forgot that was back there"

Between fighting with Rayna and packing he'd completely forgot his guitar was still in the truck bed. He got out and moved it into the cab for a little more security.

"Well, thanks again for checking on me. I gotta get goin. Have a good day"

"You too. Glad you OK"

OK…Deacon wasn't sure OK was how he'd describe himself at the moment. The Xanax was working. He felt a lot calmer, and maybe his cat nap had helped a little too, but OK…he didn't think so

He drove the few miles to his mom's house, and just sat parked across the street for the longest time. He wasn't sure he wanted to go in. It had been 8 yrs since he'd left home, and he hadn't been back to visit at all.

The first few years he'd called about once a month, but 5 yrs ago his father had been killed in a drunk driving accident. The accident had been JD (John Deacon) Claybourne's fault. He was coming home from a bar. He passed out behind the wheel and slammed head on into a family of 4. All 4 of them had been killed also. Parents and 2 children. A boy and a girl ages 3 and 5.

They were a local young couple taking their kids to day care that morning. The city was outraged, but there really wasn't anyone to blame. JD was dead. Although that didn't stop people in town from whispering and pointing whenever Frannie or Bev were in a grocery store or bank.

JD's funeral was limited to close family only and the police provided an officer to make sure nothing happened that day. He was a hated man in Natchez.

JD was well known as the town drunk in Natchez. He'd had several DUI's but kept driving anyway, without a license. He was the meanest, nastiest man Deacon had ever known. In the 16 yrs he was in Deacon's life he couldn't remember a single time when his father did or said anything nice to anyone, and that was strangers. His worst was reserved for his wife and kids.

As far back as Deacon could remember it was all beatings, punishments, harsh words, watching his father do the same and worse to his mom and sister. When he wasn't home he was in the bars or with other women. Deacon even remembers a few times when his father actually brought women home and had sex with them in the same house where his wife and children were sleeping.

It didn't matter how good, or quiet, or well behaved he and Bev were. Something always set JD off. Sometimes it was as simple as the Titans losing a game, probably because JD had bet money he didn't have. Seemed like someone was always coming to the house looking for JD. Police, Bookies, Prostitutes…anyone he owed money. Deacon could remember times when there was no food, and no money to buy any because Frannie had to pay one of JD's debts.

Of course when JD came home to no dinner it was always Frannie's fault and a beating was sure to follow. JD didn't care if the kids were around or not. Deacon was helpless as a young child against JD.

That was kinda where Vince and Rosa came into Deacon's life. Deacon had met Vince at school in probably 1st or 2nd grade. Rosa knew of the Claybourne family and JD. Deacon was sure she felt sorry for him at first and that's why she let him hang around so much, but the truth was Vince was kind of a problem child and Deacon was such a sweet little boy. She was hoping Deacon would wear off on Vince a little.

Rosa was always so kind to Deacon. He could always count on a good meal at their house, and she was always sure to slip snacks and leftovers into his backpack. Deacon always made sure his sister got some of the snacks and leftovers when there was no food at home. Rosa also washed Deacon's clothes at times, and even bought him clothes when his were noticeably too small. He and Vince grew up more like brothers than best friends thanks to Rosa. Deacon loved her like a mother, and felt bad he hadn't been back to see her before it was too late.

Deacon was deep in thought about the past when a pregnant woman came out of the house, jumped in a car, and left. It had been 8 yrs, but he'd recognize Beverly anywhere. She must still be living at home. She'd be 25 now. He had no idea she was pregnant. She had emotional, and mental problems of her own. Who wouldn't after the childhood they'd had. He'd sent money a couple times to help his mom pay for treatment. Bev had spent quite a bit of time at a local mental health facility a few years back, but he had no idea what she was like now. They'd grown apart since Deacon left. Beverly resented Deacon for going off to Nashville and leaving her there to fend for herself. She'd never forgiven him for it, and he doubted she would. Beverly had a mean streak. Deacon couldn't really fault her for it. She came by it naturally with a father like JD.

Deacon felt a little more confident with Beverly out of the house. It would be easier to deal with his mom alone at first. He had no idea how Frannie would react to her long lost son showing up on her doorstep. She was really upset when Deacon didn't come back for JD's funeral. She had pleaded with him to come, but he wanted nothing to do with Natchez at the time.

He still remembered the phone call

"I don't care what he did, Deacon! He's still your father"

Deacon had spat back "He was NEVER a father to me or Beverly! I'm glad he's dead. The son of a bitch can rot in hell for all I care"

Frannie had hung up on him. They didn't speak for almost 2 yrs

The scenario was much the same 8 yrs ago. The night he left for Nashville.

JD had left Frannie for another woman 6 months earlier. Deacon and Beverly were thrilled he was gone. Frannie was working 2 or 3 jobs to make ends meet, and rarely home, but for the first time ever there was a sense of peace in the house. It was the best 6 months of Deacon's childhood, but it was short lived.

Frannie came home one night and told the kids she had something she needed to talk to them about.

"You're dad came to the diner tonight"

"What the hell did he want?" asked Deacon

"Did he bring his girlfriend?" said Beverly

"No, we had a long talk. He's sober. He and Barb broke up. He's sorry for everything he's put us through. He's coming home tonight"

Deacon and Beverly were both furious and terrified.

"Mom, how can you take him back after everything he's done to us?" cried Beverly

"If he's coming back, I'm leaving" said Deacon "FUCK this"

"Watch your mouth young man! He's still your father. He loves us, and he's sorry"

"Like hell he's sorry' spat Deacon

"I need you both to just try. PLEASE? Don't rock the boat. Don't upset him"

"UPSET HIM?" Deacon was yelling now

"WHAT ABOUT US, MOM?"

"AREN'T WE ALLOWED TO BE UPSET? NOT A GODDAMN THING HAS CHANGED. HE'S GONNA COME BACK AND ITS ALL GONNA BE ABOUT WHAT HE WANTS, WHAT HE NEEDS, AND NOT UPSETTING HIM, FUCK EVERYONE ELSE ITS ALL ABOUT JD AGAIN"

"I'M DONE! I'M SO FUCKING OUT OF HERE"

Frannie was pleading with Deacon to stay and just try to give JD a chance. Beverly was pleading with Deacon to take her with him. Deacon was so pissed he was cussing and throwing things into a bag.

Of course that was the exact moment JD chose to walk in.

He had heard the commotion and come up to Deacon's room.

"What's going on in here?"

"Where do you think you're going, boy?"

"If you're staying, I'm leaving" said Deacon

"I don't think so, son. You're 16. That makes your ass mine for 2 more years"

"Like hell it does" said Deacon as he shoved JD aside and ran down the stairs

JD was right behind him. They got to the living room. They were nose to nose. JD was surprised Deacon was his height now. He had really sprouted up that summer. He had also been working out and running every day.

"You're not going anywhere, son"

"Watch me"

"You're mother brought a nice dinner home from the diner. We're all gonna sit down, and act like a family again"

"AGAIN" Deacon yelled

"WHEN THE FUCK WERE WE EVER A FAMILY DAD!"

"I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF YOUR MOUTH, BOY"

JD balled his fist to hit Deacon, but before he could even swing Deacon had clocked him square in the nose. He was so pissed off. It was a blind rage. He didn't even realize what he'd done at first. He was shaking like the little kid that had been tortured all his life by this man, thinking JD would surely kill him when he swung back, but JD wasn't swinging back. In fact, he wasn't moving. There was blood everywhere. Frannie and Beverly were both crying and screaming to call 911. Deacon ran back upstairs and grabbed the bag he packed and his prize possession, a guitar his grandfather had given him before he died.

When he got back downstairs he heard the ambulance sirens coming, and JD was starting to move and come to. He ran out the front door, hitchhiked to Nashville, and never looked back…till now


	7. Chapter 7

He'd been sitting in the truck for a while, watching his childhood home from across the street, trying to get up the nerve to go to the door.

It would be so much easier to just drive away, go to a bar, and drown all the bad memories from this place in a bottle of Jack.

The bottle of Xanax was next to him on the seat. He'd been good about only taking one a day, but right now he wanted to just swallow the whole damn bottle. He picked it up. His hands were so shaky he could barely get the lid off. It had only been a couple hours since he'd taken his daily pill, but he swallowed another one.

As soon as he'd done it he felt guilty. He knew Rayna kept track of the pills. Same as checking his phone, truck, wallet, and pockets. A year ago he'd have been so pissed off if she had done any of that behind his back, but secretly now, he was kinda glad she cared enough to do it, and it did help keep him honest, and sober. He knew she'd find out if he slipped. Her love for him was both a blessing and a curse. He couldn't imagine a life without her, but at the same time he never wanted to be the reason she was hurting, or suffering.

He took a deep breath and stepped out of the truck.

His legs were wobbly, and he leaned on the truck bed to stabilize himself. He wasn't sure if it was stress, sitting in the truck for so long, or the extra Xanax, but he was struggling to stand.

The front door of the house opened suddenly. His mother had come out with a watering can to tend her floral garden. Frannie had always loved gardening. Maybe it was her escape. She'd spend hours in the dirt ignoring the world. She loved those damn flowers, sometimes more than her children it seemed. Deacon remembered her being out there gardening away while the house was a mess, no dinner was on the stove, Bev was screaming about something or other, and JD was passed out in his chair. Deacon had begged Bev to shut up, and not wake JD. They were maybe 5 and 6 yrs old at the time. It was too late. Deacon heard JD's footsteps on the stairs, and he was not happy to have his nap disturbed. He was irritated that dinner was not ready.

He heard JD throw open Bev's bedroom door.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SCREAMIN ABOUT?"

Deacon heard the all too familiar sounds as JD removed his belt.

"I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHIN TO GODDAMN SCREAM ABOUT, SHUT THE HELL UP"

"WHERE THE FUCK IS YOUR MOM?"

Deacon knew she was gardening, but he also knew JD would go after her next so he simply shrugged like he didn't know.

Of course Bev never could keep her damn mouth shut.

"She's playin with her flowers" the little girl had whimpered from the corner where JD had left her cowering.

Later Deacon saw the purple welts on Bev's legs. No matter how many times Deacon warned Bev not to push JD's buttons she just didn't learn. She was a year older, but Deacon always felt like he had to protect her.

Of course that sent JD out to the yard to inquire as to why his wife was gardening, and not doing something to keep the damn kids quiet, and make his dinner.

Deacon remembered JD dragging his mother into the kitchen by her hair, turning on the stove burner and holding Frannie's hand to it, demanding that she make his dinner. He'd never forget his mother screaming in pain as her hand burned.

"MAYBE THIS WILL REMIND YOU WHEN IT'S TIME FOR DINNER" was all JD said as his wife desperately, cried, and tried to pull her hand away from the hot, red stove element.

While she did her best to start dinner that night with one hand, JD got the push mower out of the garage and mowed down Frannie's beautiful flower garden. Deacon cried himself to sleep quietly that night as he listened to his mother crying in the next room, and his sister whimpering in pain in the bed next to his. The only solace that night was JD had gone out after dinner. Probably with some woman, but Deacon didn't care. He was just happy JD was gone. He prayed every night that his father wouldn't come home.

Until today, he hadn't seen his mother ever garden again. JD had taken more from her that night than a flower garden. He was good about crushing anyone and anything they cared about, and he seemed to enjoy the pain of others. The man was pure evil, and Deacon had no idea how his mother could care about him, much less love him. Deacon hated his father.

Deacon suddenly flashed back to the night Rayna left him after he destroyed the apartment. He tried to push the thought away, but he knew he was more like JD than he really wanted to admit. He couldn't imagine ever physically harming Rayna, but he knew he had a temper and sometimes blacked out. Rayna was usually pretty good about leaving him alone when he was drunk, but that night she had wanted a fight. What if the cops hadn't come when they did? Was it possible that in a blind rage, he might harm Rayna under the right circumstances? She had been scared of him that night. Hell Vince had been scared of him that night and left too.

He'd lost track of the number of times Rayna had cried herself to sleep in the past two years over something he'd said, or done while drinking. There were times he had no memory of the events from the previous night, or sometimes he'd lose a few days on a bender. He'd wake up in his truck and have no idea where he was, or how he got there. On several occasions he'd found damage to his truck the next morning, and have no idea what he'd hit. He always checked for blood, praying it hadn't been a person.

As he continued to watch his mother cheerfully water her flowers, he felt some happiness that JD was out of her life. He couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Rayna would be better without him.

"OK, enough Deke" he'd said to himself

If he was going to face his mother, he needed to do it before he lost his nerve, and this trip down memory lane wasn't helping. It was more like "Pity parkway"

"Maybe there was a song there" He'd work on it later.

Deacon crossed the street. Frannie still hadn't noticed he'd been watching her, but she heard leaves rustle behind her as he approached. She turned to see who or what was coming. She dropped the watering can. Deacon jumped back as water splashed his pants. Frannie was frozen in disbelief.

"Deke?"

"Yeah mama, it's me" he was shaking and tears filled his eyes

"Deke, I….." Frannie couldn't speak. She wasn't sure she believed he was really there.

"I've missed you, mom"

"You look and sound so much like…" her voice trailed off, she swallowed the lump in her throat.

She didn't need to say it. Deacon knew he was the spitting image of JD. His good looks were the only thing he ever got from John Deacon Claybourne, and while he'd never heard JD sing a note, he knew his voice was very similar to his fathers.

He'd never really thought about the voice similarity until he heard a playback from a live Bluebird show. He didn't notice it so much in his singing, but he was talking to the crowd on the recording and it sent chills up his spine how much he sounded like his father.

"Can we please talk, mom?"

"Yeah, yeah…I'm sorry, you just caught me off guard" With tears in her eyes, and her voice cracking she wrapped Deacon in her arms. It felt so good to hold his mama after all these years.

"I've missed my boy so much"

"I've missed you too, mom. I'm sorry it's been so long. How are you?"

"We're good. Bev is 6 months pregnant with a little girl. I'm gonna be a gramma" she beamed with excitement!

It was good to see her so happy about the baby. Deacon was gonna be an uncle. He wasn't quite sure how to feel about that.

"…and who's the proud papa?" Deacon asked

"Bev really isn't sure, or if she knows she isn't saying" scowled Frannie

"Says he's long gone and won't be part of the baby's life"

"I guess maybe it's for the best. Lord knows you and Bev would have been so much better off if I'd had the courage to…" her voice trailed off, and tears rolled down her cheeks

"I'm so sorry Deke, for not protecting you, for all the years of pain and abuse…" she was barely understandable she was crying so hard into Deacon's chest

"Come here. Sit down mom. I know you did your best. You were young, and scared with 2 little kids"

He led her to the front porch swing. That was a new addition since he'd left. There were no happy times on the front porch when he was a kid, at least not this front porch. He'd played guitar and had fond memories on Rosa and Vince's front porch swing. He learned to play guitar on their front porch. He never played at home for fear it would upset JD. Music had been the one thing that kept Deacon going as a teen. Dreams of Nashville and a career in music far away from Natchez and the miserable life he'd known those first 16 yrs.

They sat on the swing for what seemed like hours, apologizing for mistakes, making up for lost time, and crying in each other's arms. Deacon believed Frannie was sincerely sorry for not protecting him and Bev all those years ago. He didn't have any ill will towards her. She did the best she could. He never really had blamed her. He always saw her as just as much a victim of JD's abuse as he and Bev. He felt quite a lot of his own guilt for not doing more to protect them.

"I'm sorry I left like I did, mama. I should have stayed and did more to protect you and Bev"

"Deke, you were a kid. It was me who should have done more for you and your sister"

"OK, well, enough with the blame, and all these tears. My boy's back, and I want to show you off" she beamed with pride at the man Deacon had become despite all he'd been through.

"Your sister is working the lunch shift down at Hunt's diner. How about I take my boy out for a reunion lunch?"

"OK, that sounds real good, mom. I don't think there's much to show off though"

"Deacon Paul Claybourne, you've grown into a good looking, successful musician. What's not to show off?" she smiled

Deacon had never wanted fame, but he and Rayna were slowly starting to become known for their music. Weather Deacon acknowledged it or not, he had played backup guitar for some of the most well- known country music stars at the Bluebird. He often made it into magazines and newspapers standing behind someone famous, and most of them loved him on guitar so much he received several offers to tour with big name acts. He never accepted, and had no desire to tour with anyone, but Rayna.

What Deacon didn't know was Frannie kept a scrap book of anything she could find on Deacon's music career. She had followed him in magazines and newspapers since finding out he was working at the Bluebird from a co-worker, who just happened to see him perform on a vacation to Music City.

"I don't know where you got your talent, but I'm so proud of you"

"Is it true that you and that Rayna Jaymes are gonna tour with Vince Gill and George Strait this summer? I read it in a magazine" She could hardly contain her excitement. George Strait was her favorite country star and the thought of her boy being onstage with him about made her burst.

"Yeah, mama, that's true. We actually leave in a few weeks, June 26th I think"

"I'm so happy for you, Deke"

"…and are the rumors about you and that Rayna Jaymes true?"

Deacon smiled at the mention of Rayna.

"Well, not sure…what are the rumors?"

"You're dating, and possibly the next big couple in country music"

"We are dating, mama. Been together a couple years now. We live together"

"Think you'll get married, and give me more grand babies?"

Deacon cringed at the thought of having kids. He didn't know the first thing about kids and was struggling just to feel worthy of Rayna's love. Plus the fear of being anything like his own father scared the hell out of him. He never wanted to put a child through what he had endured.

"Not sure I'm cut out to be a daddy. I didn't have much of an example. Why don't we see how bad I screw up being an uncle before…" his voice trailed off and his eyes grew misty again

He hadn't really ever thought about kids. Rayna had never said one way or another weather she wanted them. It brought up a whole new level of anxiety in Deacon. What if Rayna did want kids? Could he be a father, a husband? Could he even be trusted alone with an innocent child? What If he slipped after they had a kid. What if he lost his temper with a child?

Frannie could tell she had hit a nerve with Deacon, and she felt horrible all over again for putting him through such a horrible childhood.

"Deacon, you're NOT him. You were such a sweet, caring little boy, and you've grown into an amazing young man. I've seen the pictures of you and Rayna onstage together. I can see the love in your eyes when you look at her"

"I've made so many mistakes already with Rayna, mama. I'm really not even sure why she stays with me. She wanted to come to Natchez. I wasn't sure how things were gonna go with you and Bev. I was such a jerk to Rayna yesterday. All she wanted to do was help me, be a part of my life. I always seem to push her away, and then I feel bad for …" he was losing his composure again, and tears were threatening.

Frannie had also read the bad press on Deacon. She knew he'd been to rehab a couple times. She got the local Nashville paper just to get stories on Deacon. She'd seen his name in police reports, and she had worried that he was JD all over again. Lord knows Bev has her father's mean streak! Sitting here with Deacon now she could see that in spite of looking and sounding just like JD, Deacon was a caring, compassionate man. He loved Rayna and it was hurting him to think about the times he'd mistreated her which Frannie was sure paled in comparison to anything JD had done. Not to mention JD Claybourne didn't care about anyone's feelings and she had never once heard him apologize for anything. She had told the kids he was sorry many times, but the man himself never uttered those words.

"Are you doing OK, since rehab?" she cautiously asked Deacon

"Oh you know about that too, huh" Deacon looked embarrassed

"I'm tryin, mama. I'm really tryin to stay on track, go to AA meetins. Rayna watches me like a hawk. I've been sober over 4 months now. I came close to slippin last night at a gas station. I was buying some coffee and snacks. Took everything I had not to grab the bottle of Jack off that shelf, but I didn't"

"That's great Deke! I'm sure you'll be fine. You're daddy never even tried to quit. 22 ys together, and he was drunk every single day of em! I'm sure Rayna knows how hard you're tryin too. I'm glad you have her. She sounds sweet. Bring her with you next visit"

"She'd love that, mama. She is sweet. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know where I'd be without her. Thought I'd lost her right before my last time in rehab, but she was waiting in that parking lot when I walked out, 2 months later. She's been my rock these past 2 months. We've had some record breaking (literally) fights, but we always seem to make up"

"Well, let me freshen up, and we'll go get that lunch. Why don't you come in and sit down. I made some sweet tea just the way you liked it as a little boy"

Deacon felt almost sick as soon as he stepped inside the front door. For most people going home is a pleasant experience filled with happy memories, smells, food, music, favorite games, TV shows, and family. For Deacon it was forcing him to think about and relive a time in his life filled with beatings, torture, pain, hunger, and feelings such a young child should never experience.

Every space in this house held bad memories for Deacon. As he sat in the kitchen drinking his tea he was looking at the stove. He recalled a time when he couldn't have been more than 3 or 4. His mother had scolded him a couple times to stay away from the stove it was HOT! JD was tired of listening to her correct Deacon. He had grabbed Deacon and put his chubby little hand on the burner for just a split second to show him what HOT meant. Of course Deacon began to wail with pain, and that only got him a spanking to shut up. Frannie had tried to intervene, but JD had pushed her into the wall and told her he'd deal with Deacon.

Another time JD was upset that about half a gallon of milk had spoiled in the fridge. He was ranting about wasting money, and why buy food that ungrateful brats weren't even going to eat. Deacon came home from school and made the mistake of asking why the milk was out on the table getting warm. JD had made him drink half a gallon of spoiled milk, and told him if he puked he'd regret it. Deacon felt so horribly sick to his stomach, but he kept it down to avoid further punishment.

Frannie came downstairs ready to go to lunch. Deacon must have looked kinda green remembering the milk incident.

"Are you OK, Deke?"

"Uhhh, yeah, just a lotta not so great memories in this kitchen. It's kinda getting to me"

"OK, you ready? We'll have to take your truck. Bev has my car"

"Yeah, sure. No problem"

Deacon had to move his guitar and suitcase to the truck bed. The old truck was only a single cab. Not the best for traveling. He threw the empty coffee, donut and spaghettios containers in the back too. He opened the passenger side door for his mother and offered her a hand to help her get in.

"You're such a gentleman, Deke. Definitely NOT your father's son" she smiled with pride at her perfectly polite boy, and wondered where he'd learned to be so sweet.

When Deacon climbed into the driver's seat she asked where he was staying, since it appeared he'd spent quite a bit of time in the truck.

"Vince's. That's kinda why I'm in Natchez. Rosa passed away early yesterday"

"Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. She always thought so much of you when you were a kid"

"Yeah, I know. Wish I could have made it back to see her before but…" He stopped when he noticed Frannie seemed a little hurt that Deacon thought so much of Rosa, and she wondered if he had stayed in touch with her all these years. She assumed he had. It hurt that he probably thought of Rosa as more of a mother than she'd ever been to him.

"You're more than welcome to come home and stay with me, and Bev, Deke. I'd love to have both my kids under the same roof again for a few days.

She could tell her was apprehensive

"I dunno, mama. Vince needs me right now"

"OK, well, just think about it, Deke. I lost you for 8 years. I just want some time to try to make up for everything. I know some things can't be fixed, but I hope you're back in our lives to stay?"

Deacon took his mother's hand, and gave it a gentle squeeze before he started the truck.


	8. Chapter 8

Deacon and Frannie walked into Hunt's Hometown Diner arm in arm. He was feeling uneasy about seeing Bev for the first time in 8 yrs, but it helped that things had gone so well with Frannie. He hadn't expected such a warm response from his mother. He'd missed her more than he realized, and felt guilt, and remorse over not making more of an effort to see her, or even call regularly these past 8 yrs. The fact that he hadn't returned for JD's funeral didn't come up, and that was probably the one thing he'd NEVER apologize for. He would go to his grave hating John Deacon Claybourne!

Frannie led Deacon to a corner booth. It was the same booth she'd always put him and Bev in when they were kids and would stop to see her after school. She'd worked at Hunt's for years and still did part time. Mr. and Mrs. Hunt were the sweetest old couple. They were good to Frannie and her kids. They were aware of the situation at the Claybourne house. JD had been banned from the restaurant, like many other establishments in town, for causing trouble. Hunt's was a safe haven for Deacon and Bev. They could always count on a sandwich and homemade pie from Mrs. Hunt, and there was never a charge.

Bev was nowhere in sight. Mrs. Hunt emerged from behind the counter take to their order.

"Deke!" the little gray haired lady had exclaimed with excitement as soon as she saw Deacon.

"Yeah, it's me Mrs. Hunt" Deacon got up and hugged her. She was so excited to see him she nearly dropped her order pad.

"Why didn't you tell us Deke was coming home?" she asked Frannie.

"It was a surprise to me too" said Frannie, smiling at her son.

"Deke, I'm so happy you're back. You'll have to stop by the house to see Fred. He doesn't get around too well anymore, but he'd love to see you"

"I'll do that"

"What can I get you two?"

"I think I'll have some of your famous pot roast, open face, with mashed taters, and gravy. Can't leave without a piece of that homemade apple pie for dessert too."

"…and you Miss Frannie?"

"I'll have the turkey club and soup of the day. Just put it all on my tab. I haven't been able to spoil my boy in years so it's on me."

"Drinks? We do serve beer now. Got our liquor license a few years ago to compete with other joints in town."

"…..Water is fine for me." Said Deacon after a pause.

"Coffee for me." Said Frannie. She hadn't missed the hesitation in Deacon's drink order, and quickly squeezed his hand in support.

"I'll get that right out. Deke! Can't believe you're really back." She smiled as she headed back behind the counter.

Deacon and Frannie were half way through lunch when Bev finally emerged from the kitchen. She mostly worked in the kitchen away from customers. She wasn't really much of a people person. The Hunt's had only hired her as a favor to Frannie, but she was a hard worker and did pretty well in the kitchen cooking, doing dishes, and stocking the shelves.

Deacon tensed as soon as he saw her coming. He may have got JD's looks, but Bev had his mannerisms in the way she moved, and her facial expression. It sent a chill up Deacon's spine.

"The prodigal son returns!" was the first thing out of Bev's mouth as she approached the table.

"Good to see you too Bev." Deacon got up to give her an awkward half hug.

"…and this little one." He placed a hand on Bev's stomach.

"Congratulations, I hear I'm gonna be an uncle."

"What, when she's 8 Deke?" Bev hissed at him.

"Bev, look, I…..I didn't come here to fight, or cause any trouble. I'm sorry for…..for a lot of things."

"Why ARE you here, Deacon?"

"Beverly, PLEASE?" begged Frannie.

"It's a legitimate question, mama. I mean, REALLY? We barely hear from you in 8 YEARS, and now outta the blue you show up. UNEXPECTED. UNANNOUNCED. WHY?"

Before Deacon even had a chance to explain, Bev was ranting again…

"IS THIS SOME PUBLIC IMAGE THING? YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY TO BECOMING SOME BIG COUNTRY STAR NOW AND YOU SUDDENLY NEED A HAPPY FAMILY IMAGE?"

Deacon was losing his temper now… "YOU DONE?" Deacon asked.

Bev just sneered. She was clearly jealous of his new found fame, and still harboring a lot of feelings from the past. A happy reunion wasn't what she had in mind.

"Rosa Mason passed away yesterday. THAT'S why I'm here, Bev!"

"SO A COMPLETE STRANGER DIES AND YOU'RE HERE WITHIN 24 HRS. YOUR OWN FATHER AND IT TAKES 8 YRS?"

Deacon was struggling to control his anger. Frannie squeezed his hand again in support, but he pulled away this time.

"BEVERLY MARIE CLAYBOURNE! Can you please just keep your mouth shut for once?" cried Frannie.

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS CRAP!" Deacon got up to leave.

"I'll be in the truck, mama. Take your time."

"SEE YOU IN ANOTHER 8 YRS OR SO DEKE!" Beverly seethed as he walked past her.

Deacon sat in the truck trying to regain his composure. Hopefully Frannie would take her time. He needed a few moments alone. He hadn't expected a warm welcome from Beverly, but he was a bit taken aback at the level of hate, jealousy, and resentment. Beverly was definitely her father's daughter. Deacon worried for the baby she was carrying. He hoped she'd soften a little for the child's sake, but parenthood certainly hadn't softened JD any. It killed him to think that another Claybourne generation might suffer the same fate he and Bev had. He was shaking again, and wished he'd ordered that beer for lunch.

The Xanax bottle was in the ashtray. Before he even realized what he was doing he'd popped another one. His 3rd today.

Frannie emerged from the diner noticeably upset.

Deacon got out to help her into the truck.

"I'm so sorry, Deke. We shouldn't have come here for lunch."

He started the truck, and pulled away from the diner without saying another word to his mother.

Neither spoke on the drive back to the house.

Deacon pulled into the driveway this time. He got out and opened the passenger side door, extending his hand to help Frannie down.

She didn't let go, when he tried to pull away.

"Deke, please don't leave like this?" his mother pleaded.

"She didn't mean it. The pregnancy hormones make her crazy. She's sorry."

His blood ran cold. Deacon was suddenly a scared little boy again, sitting in the back of a closet, hiding from JD. He'd just been beaten, and didn't know why. He hadn't done anything wrong. His mother had found him quietly crying, and said almost the same thing years ago. For years this happened over and over. Same damn thing time after time.

"Daddy didn't mean it. He lost his job today. He's just upset. He's sorry"

"Daddy didn't mean it. He's been drinking. It's just the booze talking. He's sorry"

"Daddy didn't mean it. His truck broke down. He's just in a bad mood. He's sorry"

"Daddy didn't mean it. The power got cut today. We don't have the money to pay it. He's sorry"

"Daddy didn't mean it. The water heater broke. He can't fix it. He's sorry"

"Daddy didn't mean it. The mower won't start. He's sorry"

Deacon was disoriented. He wasn't sure where he was. He felt like he might fall down. His legs felt so weak. His mind was somewhere between then and now. Frannie still had his hand.

"DEACON, what's wrong?"

"DEACON, answer me PLEASE." Frannie was pleading with him.

Deacon was 9 yrs old again. He was laying in the backyard. His mother was standing over him yelling "DEACON, DEACON…wake up." "DEACON, what's wrong." "DEACON…answer me PLEASE?"

Deacon had come home from a night at Vince's. JD had lost yet another job so he was home, and in a foul mood, but he wasn't alone. Frannie had taken Bev to see her parents for the weekend. She thought Deacon was safe at Vince's until Sunday. A miscommunication with Rosa.

Deacon had walked in on his father with another woman. JD was irate. He thought he had the house to himself for the weekend. Deacon tried to leave and go back to Vince's, but JD had seen him.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, BOY?"

"I'm s..sorry. I d..didn't see anything. I'll leave. I swear I won't tell mom."

"THERE'S NOTHING TO TELL, MOM!" JD had seethed

JD had grabbed Deacon and took him out to the backyard shed. He locked him in, and went back to his guest. He'd later gotten drunk and forgot Deacon was even home.

Frannie had stopped by Vince's on Sunday night to pick up Deacon. She was terrified to learn that Deacon had been alone with JD all weekend.

The house was empty when she and Bev arrived home. The only reason she thought to check the shed was Deacon had lost a shoe near the door as JD threw him in.

Deacon had been locked in a metal shed for 2 days with no food, or water in July. Temps had reached over 100 degrees in Natchez, Mississippi that weekend.

Frannie had shaken him till he responded. She took him inside and cooled him off in a cold bath. He was still barely moving. She rushed him to the ER and lied that he'd been sick with the flu to explain away dehydration in a 9 yr old boy.

"Deke…PLEASE ANSWER ME?" Frannie was pleading in the driveway.

Deacon's eyes were cold. He seemed to stare right through her.

"HE WAS NEVER SORRY, MAMA!" Deacon managed to say.

"What are you talking about, Deke?"

"You said he was sorry."

"I said Bev was sorry, Deacon."

"Deacon, why don't you come in the house and sit down? You don't look well. Maybe we should call Rayna and get you to a doctor."

"NO, I DON'T EVER WANT RAYNA HERE. I'M FINE. NO DOCTOR. I JUST NEED TO GET AWAY FROM HERE!"

"Deke, I'm worried about you. Please don't leave. I can't lose you again." She was crying, and holding onto Deacon for dear life.


	9. Chapter 9

Deacon found himself driving aimlessly. He had no idea where he was going. His vision was blurred. He was shaky. He had managed to pull himself together, and pry Frannie off of him. He felt horrible for leaving her standing alone in the driveway, bawling, and begging him not to leave her again.

He shouldn't have gone to see her. He wasn't ready to deal with his past, and right now he didn't want to deal with his future. He wanted a drink so bad he could already taste it. The stronger the better, anything to drown out the memories, the pain from then, and now, the hurt he seemed to cause everyone around him.

His mother had been happily watering her flowers a few hours ago.

"Why the hell didn't you just leave her alone, Deke?" he asked himself.

He thought about the day he had gone to Tandy's 4 months ago to get Rayna back. Maybe he should have just let her go. It wasn't fair to put her through everything that comes with dating an alcoholic. Disappointing Rayna was the last thing he wanted to do, but right now he wasn't sure he could keep fighting his demons.

Deacon managed to regain enough composure to drive back to town. He found himself at a grocery store. If he was going back to Vince's they'd need some things, and he was sure Vince wasn't going to get any food for the house. That would cut into his drinking fund. Deacon wasn't really sure where Vince was getting money to live on. He hadn't worked since before he left Nashville and Rosa had been in a hospice home for a few weeks before she passed. Surely she hadn't given Vince access to all her money.

Vince's father had been killed in a car accident when Vince was only 4. He and Rosa had been coming home from a 5 yr anniversary dinner. Vince wasn't with them. He was at home with a babysitter. Another driver had ran a red light, and T boned them on the driver's side. George Mason had been killed instantly. Rosa spent months in physical therapy, and had several back surgeries before she was able to walk again. Deacon remembered she had walked with a cane early in his friendship with Vince, but later got well enough not to need it.

It took several years, but Rosa eventually got a huge settlement from the other driver's insurance company. Deacon wasn't sure of the amount, but Rosa never worked again, and Vince always seemed to get whatever he wanted. It had been almost 17 years, but Deacon assumed there must still be quite a bit of money left from the settlement. Access to a large sum of cash would not be a good thing for Vince.

The sun was setting when Deacon pulled into the drive at Vince's. It had been late afternoon when he'd left Frannie. It was now almost 9pm. Aside from the grocery store, he couldn't remember where he'd been since leaving Frannie. He was so disoriented when he left. His gas tank was almost empty. He was sure he'd filled it just yesterday when he got to town.

There were no cars there, but every light in the house was on. He grabbed the 3 grocery bags and knocked on the front door. No answer. He wandered around back to the key under the mat.

"Vince?"

"Hey Vince, it's Deke, where the hell are you?"

The note he'd left Vince was off the fridge door and laying on the cluttered table. He opened the fridge door to put the groceries away. He froze as soon as he looked inside. There were 2 cases of bud light, and a bottle of Jack. Vince had taped a note to the bottle of Jack.

Welcome home, Deke!

Vinny

He grabbed the bottle

"GODDAMN VINCE!"

It took everything he had not to twist the cap off and down the dark liquid, but he put it back on the shelf, and headed back to the truck for the rest of his things. He grabbed his suitcase, guitar, and the Xanax bottle from the ashtray.

He was shaking again, worse this time.

He pulled the Xanax bottle from his pocket and popped 2 more pills as he downed a bottle of water. He'd lost track of how many he'd taken today. Rayna was not going to be happy if she got a hold of this bottle. He could always lie, he thought to himself, discard the bottle, say the doctor had only given him 7 pills.

"Damn her. Why did she have to care so goddamn much?"

He cursed under his breath at the thought of lying to Rayna. She probably already knew the doctor gave him a full 30 day fill.

Deacon heard Vince cough in the bedroom. He knocked on the door. No answer. He quietly opened the bedroom door. The stench of stale alcohol and BO almost gagged him. Vince had obviously drank a lot and hadn't showered since.

"Vince?"

He gently shook Vince, but he only moaned and rolled over.

Deacon decided to leave him alone. He really needed some time to himself anyway. He noticed Vince's cell phone charging on the nightstand. It was a similar model to his own. He grabbed the charging cradle to see if it might fit his own dead phone.

It worked!

He'd been in the same dress clothes he'd warn to Watty's recording since yesterday. He decided to take a shower, put on some fresh clothes, and maybe throw a frozen pizza he'd bought into the oven, while his phone charged a bit. He knew Rayna would be working the late shift at the Bluebird, and she'd be home around 2:30am. He wanted to hear her voice before he went to bed.

Deacon ended up cleaning the bathroom before his shower. It was too disgusting even by a man's standards. Vince had puked and missed the toilet earlier. Deacon couldn't believe the smell of alcohol laden vomit was actually making him want a drink, but it was.

He felt better after running the water as hot as he could stand it, and just letting it fall over him till the hot water ran out. He cursed under his breath when he realized there were no clean towels. He'd reached for a dirty one, but they were all awfully crusty and disgusting.

"Jesus Christ Vince! How the hell are you living like this?" He'd muttered as he used a sheet from the hall linen closet to dry off with. Plenty of clean sheets.

"God forbid Vince make a bed" hissed Deacon

Vince was still out cold when he emerged from the bathroom. Deacon figured maybe he was out for the night. He had no idea what time he'd gotten home, or how long he'd been asleep.

Pizza sounded pretty good and it was only 12am. He had 2 and a half hours to kill before he could call Rayna.

The kitchen wasn't much better than the bathroom. Vince had also puked in the kitchen sink. Deacon's mind wandered to the bottle of Jack in the fridge as he rinsed the puke down the sink. He found bleach under the sink to kill the germs and alcohol smell. The oven was full of even more dirty dishes. He piled them up on the counter to clear it out for his pizza. As the oven preheated, he cleared off the kitchen table, careful not to throw away any important papers mixed in with the beer cans, jack bottles, food, and containers.

There was a large, thick, yellow envelope on a chair that Deacon hadn't noticed yesterday. It was mixed in with flyers, junk mail, and a newspaper dated June 3rd, 1992…yesterday. Deacon was surprised to see his own name printed on the envelope under Vince's. Apparently Vince had remembered to grab the mail and paper as he came in.

Deacon picked up the envelope unsure if he should open it, but his name was on it. It was from an attorney's office. Postmarked June, 2 1992. The day Rosa died.

Robert A Nessler, Attorney at Law, Specializing in Wills and Probate.

"Why the hell is my name on this?" he whispered to himself.

The oven beeping that it had reached 450 degrees startled him. He dropped the envelope back on the chair. He thought maybe he should wait for Vince to open what looked like Rosa's last will and testament.

"Had she left him something in her will?" He thought. He had kept in touch with Rosa by phone all these years, but hadn't spoken to her since the day he got out of rehab 2 months ago. She had been worried about him, and called his cell a few times, which Rayna had, while he was in rehab. Rayna had spoken to her once and told Rosa she'd have Deacon call when he got home.

It had been a tearful call. She knew her days were numbered. She basically wanted to say goodbye, and tell Deacon she loved him like a son. He had cried like a baby in Rayna's arms that night. The day had been emotional for him, getting out of rehab to Rayna waiting in the parking lot, and then learning that Rosa was dying. His first day home had started on an incredible high with Rayna and ended on a devastating low with the Rosa phone call, but he felt strong and knew he'd need to learn to deal with the everyday highs and lows if this sobriety thing was going to work.

Vince having a coughing fit in the bedroom brought him back to the present, in the kitchen, and his pizza. He thought Vince might be awake, but he didn't come out.

He placed the pizza in the oven, and killed the 20 minutes waiting for it to bake, cleaning up the kitchen, and cussing Vince for the condition the house was in. He'd taken 6 huge garbage bags of crap just from the kitchen and bathroom out to the garbage cans behind the garage. He hadn't even touched the living and dining areas.

Deacon took a load of towels down to the basement laundry room and started the washer. The basement family room was also a disaster littered with beer cans and bottles and more food containers. The laundry room was tidy. He doubted Vince ever set foot in there. Judging from the dirty pile of towels in the bathroom, and the crusty condition they were in, they hadn't been washed in months.

"What the fuck has he been doing for clean clothes?" Deacon wondered to himself.

"Jesus Christ Vince, can't you do a goddamned thing for yourself besides drink?"

Deacon wondered if Rayna had felt the same, dealing with him, when drinking was the only thing on his mind. He suddenly felt really bad to think, she'd had to deal with not one, but two alcoholics when they all lived in the apartment.

"No wonder she'd wanted Vince out so bad that night."

The oven timer was going off upstairs. His pizza was done. Deacon rushed up the basement steps two at a time to get it before it woke Vince.

He sat at the kitchen table eating his pizza, and drinking a bottle of water. His mind again drifted to the fridge, just behind him and the 2 cases of bud light.

"Beer and pizza would sure be a great combination right about now." He said to himself.

"Who would know? Just one beer." He fought the urge once again, but his resolve was waning. He wasn't sure he'd be able to stay sober in this house, with temptation right at his fingertips. He also knew as soon as Vince's feet hit the floor, he'd have a beer in his hand, and that would really test Deacon.

It was 1:45 am. He was tired of cleaning up Vince's messes. He had 45 min to kill before Rayna would be home to call. He grabbed his guitar and headed out to the front porch so as not to wake Vince.

Deacon and Vince had learned to play guitar right here on this porch 12 years ago. Deacon's grandpa Paul, Frannie's father, had passed away and left Deacon his prize guitar. It was a 1938 Martin. It was worth a fortune now, but Deacon would never part with it. It was the one he used at the Bluebird on Thursday nights. He carried his newer Martin most of the time. It was expensive, but nowhere near the $20,000 plus the 1938 was worth today. His grandpa had been a mediocre guitarist. Mostly just strummed at family gathering, but he was the only musical person in the family until Deacon, and Deacon hid his talents rom his family, and never played at home for fear of disturbing JD.

He'd been working on some lyrics since his time in rehab. At the time he'd started them, he had doubts about weather or not Rayna would be waiting when he got out. He jotted a few notes on his pad and began to strum and put the words to music:

_Credit for lyrics and song actually goes to Travis Tritt 1994. I own no rights._

**"Tell Me I Was Dreaming"**

When I woke up this morning

Wiped the sleep from my eyes

I found a new day dawning

And suddenly I realize

You're gone

Tell me I was dreaming  
>That you didn't leave me here to cry<br>You didn't say  
>You don't love me anymore<br>It was just my imagination telling lies  
>Tell me that you didn't say goodbye<p>

I'm in a state of confusion  
>I hope things aren't what they seem<br>If this is really happening  
>Just let me go back to dream<br>You're home

Tell me I was dreaming  
>That you didn't leave me here to cry<br>You didn't say  
>You don't love me anymore<br>It was just my imagination telling lies  
>Tell me that you didn't say goodbye<p>

Tell me I was dreaming (tell me I was dreaming)  
>That you didn't leave me here to cry<br>You didn't say  
>You don't love me anymore<br>It was just my imagination telling lies  
>Oh, tell me that you didn't say goodbye<br>Darlin', tell me  
>You didn't say<br>Goodbye

Deacon went back inside to get his phone, and check the time. Perfect timing 2:36am. Rayna should be home from her shift at the Bluebird by now. He couldn't wait to hear her voice.

He punched her number into his phone. It quickly went to voicemail…

He waited to for the beep, and left her a message.

"Hey, baby. I miss you so damn much. I just wanted to tell you about my day, and hear about yours. I just want your voice to be the last thing I hear before I fall asleep tonight. Call my cell when you get this, OK? I love you."

Disappointed, he hung up.

"Maybe she's in the shower." He thought.

He ran back to the basement to move the towels to the dryer and start another load. It would probably take 3 or 4 loads to wash all the towels.

He was feeling tired, but he really wanted to hear Rayna's voice before he went to bed, and as tired as he was, and with the lack of sleep last night, he was afraid he wouldn't hear the phone if she called back.

He went back out to the porch to think about the day's events.

He decided…

"Enough of that crap!" as his thoughts started to turn dark again about his past, and then leaving his mother crying in the driveway, and everything Bev had said, all the flashbacks to his childhood with JD.

It was after 3am

"Where the hell could Rayna be?" he wondered.

"Surely, she'd gotten his message by now."

By 3:30 he was getting worried. It wasn't like Rayna not to call back, and as worried about him as she'd been the day before, he doubted she'd blow off calling him back no matter the time.

He couldn't take it anymore. He dialed her number again. This time it rang several times before she picked up. He could hear loud music and a crowd in the background.

"Rayna…RAY…RAY…Are you there?"

"Hang on, Deacon…let me get somewhere quieter." He heard her tell SOMEONE she'd be right back.

"Hey Babe, sorry about that." Rayna said cheerfully into the phone.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU RAY?" it came out harsher than Deacon had meant.

"I'm at Tootsies, DEACON! After the Bluebird closed, we decided to come down here for a while."

"…..and who's WE, RAYNA?" he was accusatory now and Rayna didn't like his tone.

****silence***** from Rayna's end only infuriated him more. She was hiding something.

"DAMMIT RAYNA, WHO ARE YOU WITH?" he was raising his voice now.

"Deacon, calm down, PLEASE?" she was trying to lessen the blow. She knew he was pissed, and when Deacon was pissed, there was no going back without a knockdown, drag out fight.

"Nothing is going on." She tried to calmly say. She knew Deacon was about to blow a gasket.

"ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION, RAYNA! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU WITH?"

"LUKE! Happy now, Deke?" She gave up trying to calm him down, and braced for the inevitable fight.

******silence******** from Deacon's end

"Deacon, DEACON…say something?"

"YOU'RE WITH WHEELER? THAT'S JUST FUCKIN GREAT RAYNA! YOU WAIT TILL THE 2ND NIGHT I'M GONE AND HE'S ALREADY MOVIN IN FOR THE KILL"

"MOVIN IN FOR THE KILL? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU IMPLYING, DEACON?"

"SO WHILE I WAS IN REHAB FOR 2 MONTHS, DID YOU HAVE THESE LITTLE AFTER WORK DATES?"

"THERE'S NO DATE, DEACON!"

******more silence*****from Deacon's end

"I ASKED YOU ANOTHER QUESTION, RAYNA! DID YOU SEE HIM WHILE I WAS IN REHAB?"

"Deacon, PLEASE, DON'T DO THIS! We work together. We're about to go out on this tour. Just calm down, for me, babe. I can't keep doing this with you. Nothing is going on."

"FINE, IF IT'S NOTHING, ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION, RAY!"

"DID YOU SEE LUKE OUTSIDE OF WORK WHILE I WAS IN REHAB?"

"YEAH, WE CAME TO TOOTSIES A FEW TIMES, DEACON. JUST FOR DRINKS, FOR MORE REHERSAL TIME IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. NOTHING HAPPENED! WE WERE NEVER ALONE TOGETHER."

*****more silence*****from Deacon's end

Just as Rayna was about to speak, Luke stepped out the back door.

"Hey Ray, they're requesting Postcards from Mexico in here. Come on…"

Rayna tried to cover the mouthpiece so Deacon wouldn't hear Luke, but he'd heard it anyway.

Deacon was seething with anger. His face was beat red. It was taking every ounce of resolve he had not to smash the phone against the brick house.

"You're gonna sing Postcards…OUR DAMN SONG, RAYNA, WITH HIM?"

"It's a SONG, DEACON!"

***silence again***from Deacon's end

"Look, Deacon, I gotta go. They're waiting"

"FINE, RAYNA! HAVE A GREAT GODDAMN NIGHT! YOU SURE AS HELL JUST RUINED MINE."

"Deacon, don't be like that, PLEASE? You're making a mountain out of a mole hill."

"AM I, RAYNA? HE'S HAD HIS SIGHTS ON YOU SINCE THE DAY WATTY BROUGHT HIM TO THE BLUEBIRD."

"…and what about me, Deacon? You don't trust me?"

***more silence***from Deacon's side

"I'm hanging up now, Deacon. I can't talk to you when you're like this."

"LIKE WHAT, RAYNA? PISSED THAT MY GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND IS OUT WITH ANOTHER MAN AT 4AM."

***silence***from Rayna's side

"RAY, RAYNA?" she'd hung up on him

Deacon was livid, shaking with anger. He wanted to smash something. He couldn't believe Rayna was out with Luke Wheeler. He was struggling to pull himself together. It had been a rotten day of memories he'd never wanted to relive, the whole Bev incident, and then leaving his crying mother bawling in the driveway, again. He'd spent the better part of the night cleaning up alcohol laden puke. He'd just wanted to hear Rayna's sweet voice before he went to sleep.

His resolve was gone. He was losing the inner battle he'd been fighting all day. He went to the fridge, and grabbed the cold, calming, bottle of brown liquid. He held the cool bottle to his throbbing head for what seemed like forever. It had finally won. He popped the top, and downed as much Jack as he could in one gulp.


	10. Chapter 10

"Everything alright?" Luke inquired, as Rayna joined him on Tootsie's stage.

"I don't know. I guess…I…he just gets so damn moody. I never know what kind of reaction I'm gonna get lately."

"Deacon? If you wanna talk, we can get outta here right after Postcards." Luke seemed genuinely concerned.

An hour later Rayna and Luke were walking along the riverfront in downtown Nashville. It was 5am, and the sun was starting to come up over the Cumberland river. Rayna was quiet, and seemed deep in thought.

"It's none of my business, but seemed like kind of a heated conversation in the alley there?" Luke pressed.

"Yeah, it was ugly." Admitted Rayna.

"Where is Deacon anyway? He's usually at the Bluebird on Thur nights."

"His friend Vince's mom passed away a few days ago. He went down to Natchez, Mississippi."

"Oh, you mean that guy that lived with you and Deacon, worked a little at the Bluebird a few months back?"

"That's Vince." Rayna said with enough vehemence in her voice to catch Luke's interest.

"You didn't want to go? Did you two not get along?"

"We got along OK. Vince means well. He just has some issues, and I'm probably not his favorite person." Rayna admitted.

"How could anybody not like you?" Luke joked.

"I pretty much made Deacon kick him out of the apartment. I'm sure I'm the evil girlfriend taking Deacon away from him."

"So that's why you didn't go?" Luke pressed a little more.

"Actually, no. I wanted to go. Deacon completely flipped out about it, said I wasn't going, end of story, and never really said why."

"Kind of an odd reaction, isn't it?" Luke asked.

"Lately with Deacon…I…just never know what to expect." Admitted Rayna.

"He can be the sweetest, gentlest, most loving guy one minute, and then pissed at the world for I have no idea what the next."

"He's only been out of rehab a couple months. We're learning to deal with each other, with him sober now for the first time in our relationship."

"…and How's that going?"

"Good…. for the most part." Rayna hesitated.

"You don't sound too sure about that, Rayna."

"It's hard. He has rough days, where it takes 3 AA meeting to get him through a day."

"Wow, I had no idea." Said Luke.

"I'm doing my best to support him, and have faith that he can stay sober this time. He needs to know that I trust him, and believe in him."

"…and do you?"

"He's been so good. Completely open about where he is, what he's doing."

"…but do you truly believe he's got this beat? You seem pretty unsure, Rayna."

"I'm scared to death. I check up on him all the time. Check his wallet, phone, pockets, truck, bank statements, mail…"

"Does he know you're doing all of that?"

"I didn't think so, but he caught me red handed with his phone at 2am the other night. I thought he'd freak out, but he didn't. He was so sweet. Said he understood, and didn't blame me. Made me feel like an awful person."

"Killed you with kindness, huh?

"Yeah, pretty much." Rayna admitted.

"Oh you're not awful. You're just concerned, and tryin to look out for him. I'm sure he appreciates it."

"…but what about you, though, Rayna? Who's taking care of you? It's not all about Deacon. You need to feel good about things too, take care of yourself."

"I know, Luke, but right now it's so much about getting him through this rough patch."

"Doesn't give him the right to talk to you the way he was on the phone tonight, Rayna."

"After all, you wanted to go with him. It was his choice to leave you here in Nashville."

"I know. There's more to it, Luke. He hasn't told me much about his past. I suspect he didn't have much of a home life as a kid."

"He was pretty adamant about me not going to his home town with him. He has a mom and sister there, but apparently he's not ready for me to meet them."

"…and you don't think that's weird after 2 yrs together?"

"I do. It hurt when he said he didn't want me to go, but he's battling his demons. I'm just trying to be there for him, not upset him. I love him so much, Luke."

"Well, if you ever need to talk. I'm here." Luke sweetly offered.

"It's almost 7am. Don't you have to be back at the Bluebird by 2pm?"

"Yeah, I do. Thanks for listening, Luke. I don't have a lot of close friends, and Deacon is a hot button subject with my sister."

"Anytime, Rayna" Luke squeezed her hand, and smiled as they walked back toward his car.


	11. Chapter 11

Rayna tried to sleep, but by noon, she gave up. She was worried about Deacon. Still mad as hell about the previous night's phone call. Still very hurt that he hadn't wanted her to go to Natchez with him. Confused about why, and what happened to him as a child, to make him react that way.

She got up, showered, and made herself breakfast. The thought of one of Deacon's famous omelet's made her mouth water. She'd give anything right now to have him home, safe, and standing at the stove, bare chested, making those omelets. Even in an old, ratty pair of sweatpants, hair a mess, and making an even bigger mess in her kitchen, Deacon could make her heart flutter.

She thought about calling him, but pushed the notion away. Did he really believe she'd cheat on him with Luke, or anyone for that matter? What more could she do to prove to him that she loved him, and wanted ONLY him? She'd taken him back after some horribly ugly fights, taken him back after his first failed attempt at rehab, waited 2 months with no contact as he completed his 2nd trip to rehab, and put up with not only Deacon, but also Vince for more than a year in that apartment.

She thought about what Luke had said. "Who's taking care of you, Rayna?"

Her mind wandered back 2 yrs to the day she met Deacon. She was working as a waitress at the Bluebird. It was her first day, and Deacon was behind the bar. She had been a disaster as a waitress. She'd never really had to work before. Deacon was irritable, and nursing a hangover. The last thing he wanted to do was babysit a new, incompetent waitress all night. A large group had ordered drinks. Rayna dropped the tray on the way to the table. Deacon was pissed. He was extremely busy with the patrons sitting at the bar. Making 10 drinks for the 2nd time didn't go over well. Rayna remembered the conversation well…

"Deacon, I, um…accidentally dropped that last order." Rayna was shaking as she placed the tray on the bar full of broken bottles, and glasses.

"DAMMIT! You need to be more careful." Deacon had scolded her, as he made the drink order again.

"You think you can make it 15 feet to the damn table without dropping it?" He'd said as he pushed the tray across the bar to Rayna.

"I'm doing the best I can, sorry, I've never done this before." She'd shot back on the verge of tears.

A few minutes later a well-dressed man from the same table approached the bar.

"May I speak with a manager, PLEASE?" he was noticeably upset

"What seems to be the problem?" Deacon inquired.

"Well for starters, it was a 15 min wait to get our drink order taken. That red headed, mess of a waitress, dropped our first order. Our second order is all wrong. We've been here half an hour and she hasn't been back to take our food order."

"OK, I'm very sorry sir. Give me your food order. I'll get that to the kitchen, while I fix your drink order."

The man seemed calmer. Deacon had rushed the food order, made and delivered the 3rd and correct drink order to the table himself, and tried to keep up with the bar.

20 minutes later a pissed off woman approached the bar.

"What can I get you, mam?" Deacon asked.

"I'd like my money back for 8 admissions!" The woman spat.

"Is there a problem, mam?" asked Deacon.

"Yes, we've been here 30 min and no one has even taken our drink order! We were planning to order food too, but we're not waiting all night."

Deacon had turned on his southern boy charm to fix this one.

"I'm very sorry to keep a table full of beautiful women waitin. What are you guys celebratin tonight, darlin?" He'd rolled out his best southern drawl, as he came from behind the bar, and led her back to the table with his arm around her waist.

"We're here for a bachelorette party."

"Oh, sounds fun… Who's off the market? Just so I know." He'd given them his wide crinkle eyed grin.

A pretty blonde said "Me"

"Lucky guy! Let me take your drink orders, and food orders. I'll get that in right away, and bring your drinks personally."

"I know you're here for Chris Ledoux, but I happen to know that Garth himself might make a surprise appearnance….shhhhhhhh….that's between us, OK, ladies?" Deacon had them eating out of his hand by the time he left the table.

Rayna's entire first night as a waitress had gone much the same, and each time Deacon seemed to smooth over the ruffled customer with ease. The owner/manager Sara had been watching all night. She called Rayna into her office and told her she was giving her another chance, but things needed to drastically improve tomorrow night, or she'd have no choice but to let Rayna go.

Rayna walked out of the Bluebird that night feeling pretty defeated, with tears running down her cheeks.

Deacon was sitting on the open tailgate of his truck, in the parking lot, strumming his guitar.

She was sure he hated her. She quickly turned to walk the other direction away from him.

He broke into a rendition of Allen Jackson's:

**"I Don't Even Know Your Name"**

Well I was sitting in a roadhouse down on Highway 41  
>You were wiping off some ketchup on a table that was done<br>I knew you didn't see me, I was in a corner booth  
>Of course you weren't my waitress, mine was missing her front tooth<br>So I flagged you down for coffee, but I couldn't say a thing  
>But I'm in love with you, baby, and I don't even know your name<p>

Deacon had stopped, put his guitar down, and jumped off the tailgate. Rayna heard his boots on the pavement as he caught up to her.

"Hey…hey…slow down sweetheart, it's OK. Things were so crazy tonight we weren't really properly introduced." He'd reached for her and spun her around to face him.

"Oh, hey…what are you cryin for?" he saw the tears as she faced him.

"I'm a horrible waitress. Sara is going to fire me tomorrow if I can't do any better." She'd sobbed.

"Well…can't argue THAT!" he'd joked, his blue eyes twinkling

"Where you headed?" he asked

"Downtown to my sister's condo."

"Walkin? It's 7 miles to downtown, darlin! You shouldn't be out here walking all alone at this time a night."

"I'll be fine." Rayna said as she turned again to walk away from him.

"Stop, please, look…we got off on the wrong foot earlier. I'm sorry I was such a jerk. Let me drive you home?" Deacon reached for her shoulder again.

She was exhausted, and crying. 7 miles was an awfully long walk.

"OK" she tearfully accepted and let him lead her to his truck with his arm around her shoulders.

Deacon was a perfect gentleman that night. He drove her to Tandy's condo, even walked her up to the door on the 12th floor.

"Thank you for covering for me tonight, and the ride." She said as he turned to leave.

"Yeah, sure, anytime darlin." He flashed a smile her direction.

"Oh…by the way…what's your name?" he'd stopped and looked back

"Rayna…Rayna Wy….Jaymes…Rayna Jaymes." She'd almost said Wyatt out of habit, but wanted nothing of her father's even his name.

"OK…Rayna Jaymes. I'm Deacon Claybourne. I'll see you at work tomorrow." He went back to his Allen Jackson song as he walked down the hall…

So I ordered straight tequila, a little courage in a shot  
>And I asked you for a date and then I asked to tie the knot<br>I got a little wasted, yeah, I went a little far  
>I finally got to hug you when you helped me to my car<br>The last thing I remember I heard myself say  
>I'm in love with you, baby, and I don't even know your name<p>

It hadn't escaped her that he was a very good looking guy. She fell asleep that night thinking about his gorgeous, deep, blue eyes, and that smile. She'd only heard him sing that couple verses of Allen Jackson, but he had a beautiful voice. She'd forgotten all about her horrible first night as a waitress as her thoughts were consumed by the cute bartender.

…and that had been history. She knew from that night on she wanted Deacon Claybourne in her life. He'd finally gotten the courage to ask her out, a week later, after a lot of encouraging flirting from her end. He kissed her for the first time, the same night, in the middle of the walking bridge, over the Cumberland River.

The world stopped with that first kiss. Nothing, and no one else would ever mean as much to her as Deacon. She'd dated and kissed other guys, but she'd never felt anything so strong. Things between them felt so right, she'd moved in with him by the 3rd month of dating. She kept thinking the butterflies would fade, but 2 years later, Deacon could still shoot a glance her way from across the Bluebird and make the world stop all over again. The intensity only grew when they sang together. They could barely wait to get home after their shows, and tear each other's clothes off. Most of the time they didn't make it home, even though their apartment was only blocks from the Bluebird.

Rayna glanced at the clock. 1:42pm

"Shit." She cursed to herself. She'd lost track of time thinking about Deacon, and needed to be at the Bluebird in 18 minutes. She walked in at 2:02pm to start her shift.

8 hrs away in Natchez, Deacon awoke on the couch to a cussing Vince. He was fighting with a pair of rabbit ears on top of the TV, trying to tune in a baseball game.

"You know if you'd pay the GODDAMN cable bill you wouldn't have that problem!" Deacon joked as he sat up and held his throbbing head.

"Deke! How the hell are you?" Vince grabbed him and wrapped him in a bear hug.

"Hung over! Thanks for the Jack." He said sarcastically, as he picked up the empty 5th on the coffee table, and sighed.

"What not you're poison anymore?"

"I just got out of rehab you asshole! Why would you? …never mind…doesn't matter now anyway."

"You drank it, didn't you? I don't remember pouring it down your throat. Course, I don't remember much at all of the past few days." Vince admitted.

"Hey, thanks for cleaning the kitchen and bathroom, Deke. The place looks nice. Rayna's got you whipped pretty well, huh?

Deacon flinched at the mention of Rayna, and stood up to look for his phone. The Xanax bottle fell out of his front pocket. It was half empty. He opened it. There were only 17 pills left.

"FUCK!" Rayna was gonna kill him, not only had he downed a 5th of Jack, but also popped 13 Xanax in the past 2 days. No wonder he felt like hell. He wished he was dead, and the thought of explaining this to Rayna made him cringe. That was assuming she'd talk to him at all after last night's phone call.

"Have you seen my phone anywhere, Vince?"

"Nope, where was the last place you had it?"

Deacon got up. The room started spinning. He stood there for a second trying to gain his balance.

"You OK, Deke? You don't look to good."

Deacon took a few deep breaths, and sat back down.

"Can you grab me a bottle of water outta the fridge, Vince?"

Vince returned with the water, eating a slice of the pizza Deacon had left on the kitchen table last night.

"Hey, you bought groceries too! I don't need a woman with you around, Deke! Cooking, cleaning, what the hell's gotten into you?" Vince laughed as he handed Deacon the water.

"Shut the hell up. This place is a pig sty. You're never gonna GET a woman if you're bringing them back here."

"…and don't eat that pizza. It's been on the table all night."

"Its fine, Deke. I can eat anything." Vince retreated back to the kitchen for more day old, left out pizza.

Deacon was feeling a little better. He tried to stand again. This time he managed without the room moving. He checked the couch cushions, and all around for his phone.

"What the hell, did I…"

The porch…that's where he'd been last time he had the phone. He stepped out the front door. It wasn't on the table or the swing. He found it on the ground against the house. He must have thrown it against the house after Rayna hung up on him. The numeric display was cracked, but still readable, and the phone was still on and holding a charge. His heart sank a little when he saw no missed calls. He was hoping maybe Rayna would have called, but at the same time dreading it.

"What the hell am I gonna tell Rayna?" He whispered to himself, as he sank onto the porch swing, and put his face in his hands.

Vince came out of the house with 2 bud lights in one hand, and a twinkie in the other.

"Jesus, Vince! Is it even noon?"

"Uhhhh, its after 4pm, Deke." He said as he placed a bud light in front of Deacon on the table.

Deacon glanced at his phone. The display was cracked over the time. It was hard to read, but Vince was right, it was 4:06pm. Rayna was already at the Bluebird for her shift, and wouldn't be off till 2am. Anger suddenly started to build as Deacon remembered last night's call. He tossed the phone back on the table with more force than he intended.

"She'd probably be with WHEELER, again after work." He clenched his jaw, and slammed his fist on the table.

"What the hell, Deke?"

"Sorry, just…Rayna and I had a fight last night."

"What the hell else is new?" laughed Vince.

"If you two aren't onstage together, you're either fuckin, or fightin." Deacon just glared at Vince.

"Well, it's true." Vince sniped.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Deacon snapped.

"OK, man, sorry. I know Rayna's a hot button issue between us since you kicked me out to make her happy."

"How's that workin for you, Deke?" Vince wasn't gonna drop this.

"Drop it, alright?"

"I'm just sayin, Deke…it used to be Bros before hos, ya know?" Vince tried to hide the lump in his throat.

"I'm here, Vince, alright. Rayna's not! I wouldn't let her come."

"Is that what you're fightin about?"

"No, and I don't wanna talk about Rayna anymore."

"OK" agreed Vince.

"How are you holdin up?" Deacon asked.

"As long as I stay drunk, great!" Vince swallowed another lump with a gulp of beer.

"I'm real sorry about your mama, Vinny." Deacon had his own lump forming now.

"Have you made any arrangements?"

"I don't need to. She knew it was coming, and made all the arrangements herself, casket to calla lilies. All I gotta do is show up."

"When are the services?"

"Day after tomorrow, the 6th."

"Oh, and we're suppose to meet with mama's lawyer tomorrow, the 5th at 1pm."

"Me too?" asked Deacon

"Yeah, she named you in her will, Deke. She thought of you as a son."

"I saw my name on an envelope when I was cleanin the kitchen, but I didn't open it."

"Probably a copy of the will. I didn't open it either. The lawyer is her executor. She didn't trust me." Vince laughed.

"OK, well, you wanna look at it?" asked Deacon.

"No, I'd rather just wait for the lawyer tomorrow, if you don't mind?"

"OK" agreed Deacon.

They sat on the porch for quite a while enjoying the hot June day. Vince was on his 3rd or 4th beer. Deacon hadn't opened the 1st one Vince had placed in front of him an hour or so earlier. He knew he had to get his mind on something else. Now that he'd slipped, the craving for alcohol was worse than ever. He really needed an AA meeting, but had no idea where in Natchez to find one.

"When was the last time you mowed this yard? It looks like hell."

"I dunno. Mom had some kid do it most of the time, but I haven't seen him lately."

"You got a mower?"

"Yeah, it's in the garage."

Deacon went around back to get the mower. He was fiddling around trying to get it started in the driveway when a car pulled in.

It was Beverly. She went to the porch to give Vince her condolences. Deacon walked up a few minutes later to see what she wanted.

"What the hell are you doin here, Bev?"

"Good to see you again too, Deke!"

Vince sensed the tension between them and excused himself.

"Ya know what, I'll leave you two to talk. I'll go see what I can do with that mower."

"You know mom's been cryin since you left AGAIN yesterday, Deke!"

Deacon sat down, and popped the top off the bud light, he'd been doing his best to ignore.

"I thought you told mama, you weren't drinkin anymore, been sober 4 months!" asked Bev snidely.

"Was that just another lie, like telling her you wouldn't leave again?"

Deacon was losing his patience. He took a long pull from the bottle.

"I started drinkin again last night if you really need to know."

"As for leavin…I haven't left yet!"

"You know what, Bev…you don't know a GODDAMN thing about me!"

"I know enough about you Deacon. You ran off to Nashville to make a life for yourself, and completely forgot about me, and mama, and your life here. You didn't give a fuck about leaving us here with that son of a bitch."

"Jesus Deacon! You couldn't even be bothered to come back and spit on is grave the day he died."

"Well I'll make sure to do that before I leave town this time." Hissed Deacon.

"What do you want from me, Bev, huh?" Deacon spat, as he polished off the last of the bud light, and stormed into the kitchen to get another from the fridge.

Bev was right behind him.

"I DON'T WANT A GODDAMN THING FROM YOU, DEACON, BUT YOU OPENED THIS DOOR WITH MAMA AGAIN, AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU'RE JUST GONNA WALK AWAY AND LEAVE ME WITH THE PIECES TO CLEAN UP THIS TIME!"

Deacon finished his 2nd beer, and was on his 3rd as Bev continued to unload 8 yrs worth of hate, resentment, and jealousy.

"WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO DEKE? BLOW IN HERE, UPSET EVERYONE, AND THEN RUN BACK TO YOUR RICH BITCH GIRLFRIED IN NASHVILLE, BECOME SOME BIG STAR?"

"THAT'S ENOUGH! YOU LEAVE RAYNA OUT OF THIS. YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKIN CLUE ABOUT MY LIFE OR ANYTHING I WENT THROUGH AFTER I LEFT."

'YOU THINK IT WAS EASY FOR ME, HUH?"

"I WAS 16 YRS OLD. I LEFT WITH NOTHING. I HAD NO ONE. I WAS HOMELESS FOR ALMOST A YEAR. YOU THINK IT WAS EASY FOR ME TO LEAVE YOU AND MAMA? I HAD TO GET OUT. I WOULD HAVE KILLED THAT ASSHOLE WITH MY BARE HANDS IF I'D HAVE STAYED!"

"YOU HAD ME AND MAMA, DEKE! BUT I GUESS THAT WASN'T ENOUGH."

"YOU KNOW SHE HAS A SCRAPBOOK ABOUT YOU? KEEPS EVERY DAMN SCRAP OF PAPER, PICTURE SHE CAN FIND ABOUT YOU!"

"YEAH, SHE TOLD ME."

"DOESN'T THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU, DEKE? SHE SHOWS THAT STUPID BOOK TO ANYONE THAT WILL LISTEN. SHE'S SO DAMN PROUD OF YOU, AND YOU CAN'T EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE ONCE A WEEK TO TALK TO HER."

Deacon downed his 3rd beer and grabbed his 4th from the fridge.

"This is pointless. You don't give a shit, Deke. You never did. All you care about is that bottle, just like him."

Deacon was trying to swallow the lump in his throat. He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry, or scream, or smash the bottle against the wall.

"YOU NEED TO MAKE A CHOICE, DEKE. YOU'RE EITHER GONNA BE PART OF OUR LIVES OR NOT. IF YOU LEAVE TOWN WITHOUT SEEING MAMA AGAIN THIS TIME, YOU BETTER NEVER COME BACK! IF YOU'RE GONNA BE PART OF HER LIFE…PICK UP THE FUCKIN PHONE ONCE A WEEK AND TELL HER YOU LOVE HER."

"SHE NEEDS MORE THAN A DAMN SCRAPBOOK, DEACON. SHE NEEDS HER SON. WHY DON'T YOU TRY BEIN A MAN FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, NOT RUNNING AWAY CAUSE YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE MEMORIES."

"I HAVE TO LIVE IN THAT HOUSE, AND DEAL WITH HER, AND THOSE MEMORIES EVERYDAY. I HAD TO LISTEN TO HER CRY HERSELF TO SLEEP FOR YEARS AFTER YOU LEFT. NOT TO MENTION WITH YOU GONE, DADDY TOOK EVERYTHING OUT ON ME AND MAMA. HE BLAMED HER FOR YOU LEAVIN. DID YOU KNOW THAT? SAID SHE LET YOU RUN WILD, AND BECOME DISRESPECTFUL, THOSE 6 MONTHS HE WAS AWAY, WITH HIS SLUT GIRLFRIEND. HE BEAT MAMA THAT NIGHT BECAUSE OF YOU DEACON!"

"YOU LIVE WITH THAT. YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE DONE IT YOURSELF!"

"YOU DONE? YOU FEEL BETTER NOW THAT YOU UNLOADED 8 YRS OF CRAP ON ME?" Deacon yelled.

Bev stormed out, slamming the front door as Deacon downed his 5th beer.

Vince came in from the porch with Deacon's phone in his hand.

"Uuuhhhh, probably not the best time, but Rayna's on the phone. Guess I shouldn't have answered, but she called twice in a row sooooo…" Vince handed Deacon the phone, and quickly escaped back out to the front porch. He knew when Deacon was that pissed off, it was best to just walk away.

He'd barely made it down the front steps when he heard the bottle Deacon had been holding shatter against the kitchen wall.


	12. Chapter 12

Rayna was 4 hours into a 12 hr shift at the Bluebird. Sara told her to go ahead and take her dinner break, while things were slow.

She had gone to her locker in the back room to get some money for a sandwich, and check her phone.

She was still upset with Deacon for being so accusatory last night, but at the same time worried. She thought sure a message would be waiting for her.

She sighed as she saw no missed calls on the display, and decided maybe she should be the bigger person, and call him first. Sometimes Deacon could be awfully pig headed if he was mad.

She punched his number into the phone, after several rings, it went to voicemail. She closed the phone without leaving a message.

She waited a few moments, and decided to leave message after all. She just wanted to let him know she missed him, and would be home after work around 2:30am if he wanted to talk.

She thought maybe if she gave him some encouragement, and tried to smooth things over a bit, their next call might not end in a fight.

Rayna punched Deacon's number into the keypad again, and was surprised on the 2nd ring when someone picked up.

"Hello." Vince said.

"Vince, is that you? Hey, it's Rayna. How are you? I'm so sorry about your mama."

"Yeah, it's me. Thanks Ray. I'm doin OK. It's nice to have Deke here."

"Speaking of Deke, Is he around?" Rayna asked.

"uhhhhh, yeah, but his sister is here."

"Can you just give him the phone for a sec Vinny? I'm on break. I don't have much time."

Vince reluctantly agreed.

Rayna heard a door open, and footsteps, followed by a woman, she assumed was Beverly Claybourne screaming at Deacon.

"HE BEAT MAMA THAT NIGHT BECAUSE OF YOU DEACON!"

"YOU LIVE WITH THAT. YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE DONE IT YOURSELF!"

Rayna then heard a very angry Deacon shout back.

"YOU DONE? YOU FEEL BETTER NOW THAT YOU UNLOADED 8 YRS OF CRAP ON ME?"

Rayna's heart sank, and shattered into a million pieces. She knew, just from the sound of his voice, Deacon had been drinking.

She heard more footsteps, and a door slam, followed by Vince telling Deacon she was on the phone.

"Uuuhhhh, probably not the best time, but Rayna's on the phone. Guess I shouldn't have answered, but she called twice in a row sooooo…"

A few seconds later she heard the all too familiar shattering of glass. She'd heard enough beer bottles shatter in her days at the Bluebird to know the sound anywhere.

"GODDAMMIT, VINCE!" Deacon spat.

After a long pause she finally heard Deacon on the other end.

"Hey, Ray." A raspy Deacon answered.

She could tell he was struggling to speak calmly.

"Hey, Deacon." Her voice cracked.

"Ray, this really isn't a good time to talk. Can I call you back to…"

"So I heard, Deacon." She cut him off.

"What did you hear, Ray?"

"Enough, Deacon. I heard enough to know you're drunk." He could tell she was crying.

"Ray, let me expl….." She cut him short.

"NO, DEACON, I can't believe we're back to square one, AGAIN! What the hell are you thinking, DEACON? We leave on this tour in a few weeks. How could you…why…" She was struggling to maintain control.

"Rayna, I…"

"I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT, DEACON! I'M SO TRIED OF ALL THE EXCUSES, AND REASONS, AND…"

"I CAN'T KEEP DOING THIS, DEACON."

"What are you sayin, Ray?" Deacon's voice was cracking now.

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO TELL WATTY, AND LUKE ABOUT THE TOUR, DEACON? HUH? THIS ISN'T ABOUT JUST YOU! THIS COULD BE THE BIG BREAK FOR ALL OF US, DEACON! HOW CAN YOU SCREW IT UP LIKE THIS?" She was so angry, she was trembling, as she yelled into the phone.

He was losing his temper now too. The mention of Luke, and then Rayna blaming him for everything, much like Beverly had just done, was all hitting him at once. He'd had a lot of alcohol. His thoughts were all jumbled. He wasn't sure who he was talking to now.

"HE BEAT MAMA THAT NIGHT BECAUSE OF YOU DEACON!"

"YOU LIVE WITH THAT. YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE DONE IT YOURSELF!"

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT JUST YOU! THIS COULD BE THE BIG BREAK FOR ALL OF US, DEACON! HOW CAN YOU SCREW IT UP LIKE THIS?"

"Are you even listening to me, DEACON?"

"DEACON?" Rayna yelled.

Deacon snapped.

"YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT BLAME, RAYNA? YEAH, I STARTED DRINKING AGAIN LAST NIGHT. RIGHT AFTER I FOUND OUT YOU WERE OUT WITH LUKE WHEELER AT 4AM."

"HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THAT MADE ME FEEL, RAYNA?'

"I'M 8 HOURS AWAY TO BURY A WOMAN I LOVED LIKE A MOTHER, AND YOU'RE OUT FUCKIN AROUND WITH LUKE."

"THAT'S NOT TRUE, DEACON!"

"OH, REALLY…HE'S WANTED YOU SINCE DAY ONE, RAYNA. I LEAVE TOWN AND HE'S RIGHT THERE."

"I WANTED TO COME WITH YOU, DEACON. I BEGGED YOU TO TAKE ME."

"I DIDN'T WANT YOU HERE, RAYNA! WHY IS THAT SO GODDAMN HARD TO UNDERSTAND?"

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS, DEACON! I'VE BEEN THERE FOR YOU THROUGH EVERYTHING FOR THE LAST 2 YEARS. WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LET ME IN? I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, DEACON."

"WHAT MORE CAN I DO TO PROVE I LOVE YOU, AND WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON YOU?"

"WHY CAN'T YOU LOVE ME ENOUGH TO STAY SOBER, AND FOLLOW OUR DREAMS TOGETHER?"

"THEY'RE YOUR DREAMS, RAYNA. I NEVER WANTED ANY OF THAT."

"I'M SORRY I'VE BEEN SUCH A BURDEN ON YOU, RAYNA."

"I'VE OBVIOULSY BEEN A BURDEN ON EVERYONE, YOU, MOM, BEV!"

"MAYBE LUKE IS A BETTER MAN FOR YOU, RAY."

"DEACON, I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT."

"NO, YOU'RE RIGHT."

"I'M A DAMN MESS, RAY."

"DEACON, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T GET INTO THIS SELF DESTRUCTIVE MODE AGAIN."

"I'M NOT YOU'RE PROBLEM ANYMORE, RAYNA."

"I'LL PICK UP MY THINGS WHEN I GET BACK TO TOWN."

"DEACON, DEACON…" He'd hung up on her.

She tried to call him back, but he didn't answer. She finished the next 7 hours of her shift in a haze, worried about what Deacon might do.

She'd seen him in these self-loathing moods before. There was no moderation on his drinking when he was like this.

He'd usually end up in the ER for alcohol poisoning.

She wasn't there to call an ambulance this time. What if he did it again and there was no one to help him?

Even after everything he'd put her through, and all the heartbreak, she loved him, and was scared to death this was how she'd lose him forever.


	13. Chapter 13

Rayna was wide awake, and out of her mind with worry. She glanced at the clock again, 6:21am. 14 minutes since the last time she'd looked. It had been 3 days since the fight with Deacon, and learning he was drinking again.

She'd bought a local Natchez paper at a newsstand in Nashville, and read that Rosa Mason's funeral had been the day before. She was hoping that meant Deacon would be back in Nashville today.

She'd lost track of how many times she'd tried to call him in the past few days. He wasn't answering, or returning messages. The only number she had for Vince, was no longer in service. Nothing new…Vince wasn't great at paying bills, so his cell numbers changed frequently, if he had a phone at all. The number in Rosa Mason's name was disconnected.

She'd called information, to try and get a number for Deacon's mom, or sister. There were 166 Claybourne's listed in and around Natchez, none of them Beverly, or Frannie. She realized she didn't even know what Deacon's dad's name was.

At her wit's end, she'd finally cried herself to sleep for a few hours. Pure exhaustion, after days without sleep. She really hadn't slept since Deacon had left 5 days earlier. Luckily, it was finally her day off.

The shrill of her cell phone ringing shook her from a deep sleep. She jumped up, hoping it was Deacon. Disappointed to see the Bluebirds number on the caller ID, she answered.

"Hey Rayna, it's Sara. Is Deacon back?"

"No, I still haven't heard from him." Rayna sadly said.

"Well, I have a number for him, if you hear from him. A lawyer called here looking for him. Says he needs to hear from him ASAP"

"What's the number?"

A few minutes later Rayna was talking to Robert A. Nessler

"Nessler law office." a man's voice answered

"Yes, my name is Rayna Jaymes. I'm calling you about Deacon Claybourne. You've been trying to reach him?"

"Yes, Miss Jaymes, was it?"

"I need to speak with him regarding the estate of Rosa Mason."

"Do you know where I can reach him?"

Rayna gave him Deacon's cell number

"I've tried that number several times, and left messages. I'm not getting a response." Said Nessler.

"Deacon and Rosa's son Vince, were supposed to meet me at my office, 2 days ago, to go over paperwork. Neither of them showed up."

Rayna was relieved Deacon wasn't in some kind of legal trouble. When Sara said lawyer, she'd assumed the worst, although now she was more worried that Deacon wasn't returning anyone's calls.

She thought about calling the Natchez police, but Deacon was an adult, and had a history of disappearing for days at a time. She knew they wouldn't do anything.

Rayna was tempted to rent a car and drive to Natchez, but she was worried Deacon might come back to Nashville while she was gone. He had no reason to stay, although she guessed he really had no reason to come back now. He hadn't been bartending at the Bluebird since before rehab. It was just too much temptation for him. The only time he set foot in there now was for his Thur night gig, which he rarely missed.

He didn't have Rayna to come back to, or at least she thought they were done for now. He'd dumped her in that horrible phone call. She didn't really want it to be over, but at the same time, she knew she couldn't keep going through this with him, every time something upset him.

She also wasn't sure what to do about the tour. They were scheduled to leave in less than 3 weeks. Would Deacon be back by then? Would he even want to do the tour? She needed to tell Watty what was going on, but she knew he'd be mad at Deacon. She decided to give Deacon a few more days, and hoped he'd turn up.

With nothing left to do, but wait, cry, and worry, she called Deacon's number again. Not surprising, it went straight to voicemail again.

"Deacon, PLEASE, just call me and let me know you're OK? I don't care about the fights, or even that you're drinking. I just need to know you're OK. I love you so much. I just want you home, safe. We'll figure out the rest….Come on Deacon….I…" the rest was a tearful, incomprehensible, pleading mix of emotion.

Deacon awoke to Vince snoring. He looked around the room. They were in dumpy hotel room. He had no memory of checking in. He looked out the window. It was either dusk, or dawn. He wasn't sure. He didn't recognize any buildings, or landmarks.

The last thing he remembered was going to the funeral home with Vince, to view Rosa for the services, and he had idea how much time had passed since.

Right after his fight with Rayna, the funeral director had called and told Vince, Rosa was ready for viewing. He'd driven Vince over to the parlor. Vince had a complete mental, and emotional breakdown as soon as he saw Rosa. He'd been holding it in, but it was finally all too much for him.

They sat in the parlor for hours saying their goodbyes. Vince wouldn't leave Rosa.

Deacon finally was able to pull him out of the viewing room. They requested an immediate burial and cancelled all services. Vince didn't think he could handle a funeral.

Deacon remembered driving to the nearest bar, and nothing else until now. The room was littered with beer bottles and a few Jack bottles.

A pizza was on the dresser, near the TV. Deacon ripped the receipt off the top of the box. The date on it was June 11, 1992 at 10:56pm.

Little Adler's Pizza Pie

4652 N Front St

New Orleans, LA 70129

Deacon sat on the bed. His head was pounding. 7 or 8 days had passed since he remembered anything, and if this receipt was correct, they were in New Orleans, 3 hrs south of Natchez.

"Vince, VINCE! Get up."

"What, where the hell are we?" Vince sleepily groaned

"New Orleans."

"How the hell did we get here?"

"I was hoping you'd know?" said Deacon.

"What's the last thing you remember, Vince?"

"Uhhhhh being at a bar in Natchez. The bartender remembered your dad. Said you reminded him of JD. There was a fight, and that's about it."

"What day was that?" asked Deacon

"How the hell should I know, Deke? I guess it was the 5th or 6th. Why? What day is it now?"

"According to that pizza receipt, it must be the 12th if we ordered it last night."

"Oh, shit!" said Vince

"Yeah, shit." Echoed Deacon.

"I've had some pretty good benders, but I've never lost a week before." Admitted Deacon

"I have." Laughed Vince.

"Rayna's gonna ki….." his voice trailed off.

He remembered the call with Rayna. He'd ended things. He glanced around the room for his phone. It wasn't there. He went out to his truck. No phone there either. It was probably just as well. If she was trying to reach him, he was sure by now, she was beyond pissed. 7 or 8 days. How the hell could he ever explain this one.

Then he remembered the tour. He should have been in rehearsals a few days ago.

"Get up Vince! We gotta go."

"What, why? It's been over a week. What's another day, Deke?"

"I signed a contract. I'm supposed to go on tour with Rayna in a couple weeks, and I'm missing rehearsals. They've probably fired my ass by now!" worried Deacon.

"You broke up with her, Deke! How's that gonna work?"

"I dunno right now, Vince." He choked up a little.

After a long 4 hours of driving, and stopping to puke more times than he could count, Deacon pulled into Vince's driveway.

They had left the doors unlocked, and every light in the place was on. Deacon found his phone still on the kitchen table, where he'd tossed it after his fight with Rayna. Of course it was dead after 8 days. He found Vince's charging cradle and plugged it in.

Vince brought in a huge pile of mail.

"Oh shit, Deke! We missed that lawyer meetin for mom's will."

"Reschedule it for early tomorrow. I need to get out of here at a decent time." Said Deacon.

"I'm gonna take a shower. I feel like I haven't had one in days. You're pretty ripe yourself, Vince. You might consider it." Deacon laughed.

"Hey…not nice!"

"What's not nice is smelling you all the way back from New Orleans."

"Shut up, Deke!"

20 minutes later a freshened up, and in clean clothes Deacon emerged from the bathroom. Deacon checked his voicemail messages while Vince showered.

"You have 12 new messages"

9 of them were teary, pleading messages from Rayna to call her. Deacon felt more guilty as he listened to each message. They started out pleasant, and worried, but by the last few Rayna was pissed.

#9 "Deacon, it's been 5 days. Where the FUCK are you? Do you even care about these rehearsals, or this tour? It's one thing if you don't give a shit about us anymore, but you have professional obligations. You obviously don't wanna talk to me, and at this point, I'm not so sure I wanna talk to you anymore! If you wanna destroy your life, have at it. Call Watty with your intentions."

Her last message had been a few days ago. Maybe she'd given up? He felt a twinge. Rayna was hurt and lashing out. He wanted to call her, but what would he say? He had no idea how to begin to talk to her after this. Maybe ending things was the right choice? He'd already hurt her so much. Maybe letting her go was the best thing he could do for her at this point?

There was a message from his mom.

"Hey, Deke…I just wanted to see if you're OK? I'm sorry about the other day. I know it took a lot for you to come here. I'm sorry if I expected too much, too soon. I hope you'll come back when you're ready. I'm always here. I love you."

More guilt. He knew he needed to call his mom, but going back to that house was the last thing he wanted to do. He'd be perfectly fine never setting foot in there again.

The estate lawyer for Rosa had left a message.

"Mr. Claybourne, Robert Nessler. I need to speak with you regarding Rosa Mason's estate. Please call me back ASAP."

He'd take care of that in the morning before heading back to Nashville.

The last message was from Watty.

"Deacon, Watty…I need to hear from you in the next few days. You've already missed 3 rehearsals for this tour. I told Edgehill you've had a death in the family, but I can't cover anymore. I need to know if you're in or out. Please call me back as soon as you get this. Oh…and Deacon…none of my business, but I really don't care for the way you're treating Rayna."

That stung a little. Watty was more like a father figure to Deacon than anyone he'd ever know.

He dialed Watty's number.

"Watty White"

"Hey Wat, it's Deacon."

"Deacon, where the hell are you?"

"I'm still in Natchez. I've got some business to take care of in the morning, then headed back to Nashville. When's the next rehearsal for this tour?"

"So you're in, Deke?"

"Yeah, I'm in. Sorry I've been MIA. This trip down memory lane hasn't been easy."

"Deacon, I need to know I can depend on you to show up, and make an effort here."

Deacon swallowed…"Yeah, Wat…back on the program tomorrow."

"OK, next rehearsal is Friday 10am. If you're not there, you're done."

"OK, thanks Wat…How's Rayna?" he stammered.

"She's pretty hurt and upset, Deacon. You should probably call her and let her know you're OK."

"Can you tell her I'm OK, Wat? I'm not ready to call her just yet, but …" his voice cracked with emotion

"I think she'd rather hear it from you, Deacon. Besides, you're gonna be stuck on a bus with her for the next 3 months. Together, or not, you two are gonna need to learn to get along."

"I know, I just…tell her…I'm OK…I gotta go, Wat." Deacon hung up as a tear rolled down his cheek


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning Vince and Deacon were sitting in Robert Nessler's office.

"Good morning, gentlemen. You two are certainly tough to reach!"

"Yeah, sorry about that. We took a little unplanned road trip." Deacon smiled.

"Alright, well come in, have a seat. This won't take long."

Deacon squeezed Vince's shoulder as they entered the office. He knew Vince was struggling to keep it together, but he was proud of him for not taking a drink yet today.

"First off, Rosa chose to make me her power of attorney, and now that she's gone, executor of her will. I've known your mother a long time, since I was a kid, really. My dad is also an attorney. He handled her accident claim years ago, and your father's wrongful death suit. So, hope that helps a little. I'm not just some name she picked outta the yellow pages."

"Her wishes are pretty cut and dry. I've been maintaining necessary household expenses, property taxes, utility, and water, since a few months before she passed, from an account she set up for that purpose only. Her final wishes regarding her health, and DNR orders were followed. Her final funeral arrangements were also pre-planned. I received a refund check from the funeral home for a portion of her funeral services. I understand you cancelled services after the viewing?"

"Uh…yeah, we did. It was just too hard. We didn't wanna go through with all that." Replied Deacon.

Vince was catatonic and not saying anything.

"OK, well I'll add that money to the final tally for distribution."

"There's the house. She left it to you jointly. It's your decision to do what you'd like with it. Like I said, I'll maintain the monthly expenses as long as you own it, or until funds run out. If you'd like to sell, I can arrange that too and split the money between you."

Vince looked at Deacon…"You're going back to Nashville, right?"

"Yeah, but you can stay there as long as you want, Vinny. I'm not gonna make you sell your childhood home."

"I wanna sell, Deke. I'm not stayin here either."

"OK, I'll arrange a realtor, and is someone going to stay and maintain the house, until the sale, or I can set up maintenance?"

"I'll stay till the sale." Vince agreed.

"You might wanna arrange maintenance Mr. Nessler. Vince isn't all that domesticated when it comes to household chores." Deacon joked to lighten the mood.

"Shut up, Deke."

"There was a 1985 Buick LeSabre. I received a check from State Farm auto a couple months ago. I understand the vehicle was totaled?"

"Yeah, damn tree jumped right in front of me." Vince admitted with a smirk.

"Jesus, Vince! I was wondering where the car was?" Sniped Deacon.

"OK, that money will also be placed in the final tally for distribution." Sighed Nessler shaking his head.

"Your father had some stock in Mississippi power. It's done well. We can leave it in stock form, or cash out, your decision, again equally divided either way."

"If it's doin well, I see no reason to change it." Said Deacon, Vince nodded in agreement.

Nessler scribbled a few notes.

"There are 2 IRA's already in your names. Rosa set those up years ago, shortly after she received her settlement. They were for college, or whatever paths you chose."

Deacon teared up a little. He was having a hard time accepting that Rosa had cared for him, this much as a son.

"That brings us to her savings, and checking accounts also to be divided equally between you."

"As for the house content, she left that entirely up to you two to decide. If you'd like to leave the furniture as part of the sale, we can, or you can do whatever you'd like."

"Any questions before we go on?" asked Nessler.

Both Deacon and Vince nodded no

"OK, give me a second to get final tallies for you, and then I'll get your account numbers for direct deposit of funds, and there's one more personal item, for each of you. I'll be right back."

Vince was quiet. Deacon was just shocked that Rosa had named him equally with Vince on everything. He didn't feel her deserved it.

"Vince, I don't feel right about this. She was your mama…I…can't take…"

"It's OK, Deke. She loved you like a son. You were the "good one." I always gave her so much grief, right up to the end."

"It's not too late to turn things around, Vince! Lay off the sauce, get a job. Maybe you could meet someone to settle down with?"

"I dunno, Deke!"

"I'm worried about you, man. I'm here to help. We'll stay in touch even after I go back to Nashville."

"You gonna try to get Rayna back, Deke?"

Deacon swallowed the lump in his throat…"Not sure. She deserves a lot better than me."

Nessler returned with paperwork.

"OK, here we go gentlemen…

After my fees, set aside accounts for home maintenance and operation, here are the numbers…

The house is valued around $90,000.00 (to be sold)

The Mississippi Power stocks currently $64,000 (remains as it is in stocks)

The IRA's (two) $76,000 each or $152,000 total (remain IRA's)

Savings $189,047.36

Checking $68,003.24

Funeral Refund $5400.00

Buick LeSabre pay out $3600.00

Total assets $572,050.60 or $286,025.30 each

Cash Pay Out $266,050.54 or $133,025.27 each

"I'll get the house on the market, and get the IRA's and stocks, transferred to your names. I just need your account numbers for direct deposit from Rosa's checking and savings accounts to your accounts. If everything looks OK? Just need your signatures here…and here, initial here, and here."

"Any questions, guys?"

Vince and Deacon looked at each other and nodded no, as they signed the documents.

"…and last, but not least I have personal letters for each of you. Rosa requested that you open these privately." Nessler slid the two sealed enveloped across his desk.

"That's it, guys. Again, I am very sorry for your loss."

They shook hands and left the office without saying much more.

"How about one last lunch, on me, before I hit the road?" Deacon asked as they climbed in his truck.

"Sounds good, Deke."

They had a pizza and a couple beers together at a local Natchez favorite.

Vince was quiet as Deacon drove him home.

Deacon packed his clothes, and guitar, and checked the house for anything he might have forgotten. He hated to leave Vince, but it was already late Wednesday. He'd promised Watty, he'd be there Friday morning for tour rehearsal.

"Well, I guess that's it." Deacon said as he stood by the front door

"Thanks for comin, Deke. I really needed some bro time." He was trying not to tear up.

"Anytime, man." Deacon grabbed Vince for a bear hug.

"I love you like a brother, Deke."

"Me too, Vinny."

They let go, and tried to go back to that macho, man image, but both had tears in their eyes as Deacon pulled out of the driveway, promising to call as soon as he got back to Nashville, and settled.


	15. Chapter 15

Deacon was dreading 8 hrs of solitude, alone with his thoughts, as he drove out of Natchez. He was happy he'd had the time with Vince, to help his best friend through the loss of Rosa.

He wished he remembered more from the New Orleans trip, or any of it for that matter.

He missed Vince like crazy, but the two of them together were a dangerous combination. Losing 8 days of his life, only cemented that fact in his mind.

He hoped Vince would find the will to pull himself together, and live a better life. He was adamant that even Rayna wasn't going to come between them again.

Vince needed him more than ever now, with Rosa gone, and no other family.

His mind wandered to his own mother. He felt horrible for not seeing Frannie again before he left, but the impromptu trip to NOLA, and now the rush to get back to Nashville, kind of screwed that up.

He knew he had to be better about calling her, and make it a point to visit Natchez every so often, even if it hurt.

Beverly could be as evil as JD, but he couldn't deny she was right.

His mother loved him, and was so proud. The least he could do is call her, and tell her he loves her once in a while.

He might even apologize to Bev. He knew he wanted to meet his new baby niece in a few months.

All in all, he was feeling better about his past as he left Natchez, on the same road he'd hitchhiked to Nashville on 8 yrs earlier.

Maybe there's a song in there somewhere? "Same Damn Road" He'd work on that later.

Thoughts of AA suddenly clouded his mind.

He'd blown over 4 months of sobriety on this trip. The longest he'd ever gone without drinking. All he could do was start his meetings again, and make amends to those he'd hurt, if they'd let him.

Back to square one, with a welcome chip, was his plan for his next AA meeting, as soon as he rolled into Nashville.

The hours and mile markers slipped by. It had been 6 hrs before he even realized it. He was making good time. 2 hours to go, and it was only 9pm. That would put him back in Nashville by 11.

Rayna should be working till 2am. That would give him a few hours to go to the apartment, and get some things before she got home.

Part of him longed to see her, hold her, tell her he was sorry, and beg her take him back. He knew she was pissed, and a happy reunion probably wasn't in the cards tonight.

He could stop at the Bluebird. Maybe she'd be less emotional with other people around, and he could gage her level of anger, before the fight that was surely on the horizon.

Rayna certainly had a temper when she was pissed. They say red heads are the worst when it comes to passion, emotional outbursts, and raging tempers.

Rayna could be so sweet and loving, but she had a side that few had seen. Deacon could bring out the best in her, but he could also bring out the worst too.

Their relationship was like fire and ice. When one side of a couple is like that, it's bad enough, but when both personalities run hot and cold, to such extremes, the passion is amazing, and like nothing Deacon had ever felt before, and never would again.

The down side is that when both run cold at the same time, the fights are record breaking, knock-down, drag-outs that usually result in a break up, followed by a fire ravaged make up, once the rage subsides, and pent up energy needs an escape.

Deacon pulled into a rest area. As he walked back to his truck after a bathroom break, he suddenly remembered being here before.

The first Christmas with Rayna in 1990.

It was Rayna's first Christmas since she'd left her family. She wasn't speaking to her sister, over a fight about Deacon, and hadn't talked to her dad since she'd left in March.

She was feeling pretty low, and nothing Deacon tried cheered her up. She said it didn't feel like Christmas. They were alone in the apartment. Vince had gone home to see his mom.

Christmas was never a happy time for Deacon as a child, so he really thought nothing of it. Just another day, but Rayna was gloomy as hell.

She was snapping at him for every little thing as they tried to decorate a pathetic tree, and his patience was wearing thin.

"What the hell do you want from me Ray?" he'd snapped

"I GOT YOU THE DAMN TREE. THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. WE'VE MADE MORE FUCKIN COOKIES THAN GODDAMN BETTY CROCKER. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN DO, RAYNA!"

Their relationship was still fairly new, and fragile then. Deacon's temper could easily send Rayna into the bathroom, door locked, sobbing, with him apologetically, begging to be let in, from outside the door.

"Ray, look, I'm sorry, OK? Please unlock the door, baby? I didn't mean to lose my temper."

Her sobs had been heartbreaking. She missed her sister. Christmas without her mom, was still hard for her. She was hurting so bad. All Deacon wanted to do was take the pain away.

He had a genious idea. The Bluebird was closed until after New Year's. Neither had to work for more than a week.

"Ray, come on out, please, he'd begged."

Reluctantly, she came out and collapsed into his arms, bawling about Tandy and missing her mom.

"Don't cry sweetheart, please?" he begged as he wiped her tears away.

"You know what. Christmas is cancelled. Pack a bag. Summer clothes…bikini, those short daisy duke things I like on you." He flashed her his playful smile

"What are you talking about Deacon?"

"Just do it, Ray. Don't argue. Trust me."

She was curious, so she did what he asked.

An hour later, they were in his truck heading south away from Nashville.

"Are you gonna tell me where we're going?"

"Nope." He flashed his playful smile again.

She'd moved over to the middle of the bench seat, to snuggle with him as he drove.

"Not even if I go south a little to bribe it out of you." She gave him an evil smirk as she unzipped his jeans.

"Jesus Rayna, I'm driving."

"Tell me where were going, and I'll stop."

"I don't want you to stop." He loved Rayna's aggressive side.

He'd had no choice, but to stop at THIS rest stop. He was about to wreck the damn truck.

He'd taken Rayna to Mexico for a few days. It was an 18 hour drive from Nashville, but it killed their time off, and took Rayna's mind off of Christmas, and her family.

It was also an experience for Rayna. All her traveling had been by private jet as a child. She'd never experienced a major road trip in the cab of a truck.

Rayna's favorite movie at the time was "Urban Cowboy". Deacon found the VHS of the movie at a gas station in Texas along the way and knew they were close enough to stop in Pasadena.

He handed it to her as he got back in the cab and said here's a clue for one stop. That night he took her to the famous Gilley's in Pasadena, where the movie had been filmed.

Rayna bought some stupid Bud and Sissy signs at the Gilley's gift shop for Deacon's truck. She called him Bud the rest of the trip.

They made it to a little town in Mexico, just over the border, and spent 3 days on the beach and in a dumpy little motel making love,writing and singing.

"Postcards From Mexico" was born that trip. They put the finishing touches on it at the same rest stop Deacon was sitting at now, on the way back to Nashville.

Deacon swallowed the lump in his throat. God he missed Rayna. What had he done?

He started the truck, and pulled back onto the highway.

Less than 2 hrs to Nashville.

Just after 11pm he walked into their apartment. Rayna's scent overwhelmed him. He was tempted to stay, and wait for Rayna. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as he thought? He could light some candles, try to smooth things over? Maybe she'd forgive him?

His hopes shattered as he walked into the bedroom.

Rayna had packed all of his clothes, and personal items in boxes for him.

There was a note on top.

_Deacon,_

_Watty told me you'd be back today. Glad you bothered to call someone. Sure as hell wasn't me. I don't even know what I did to upset you so much, but I'm tired of playing this game. Do you even care what you've put me through this past couple of weeks? You couldn't return one, damn message? I don't get it. It's almost like you look for reasons to push me away, and then you expect me to just be there waiting when you want me back. I can't live this way, Deacon. I want you to move out tonight, before I get home. I don't want to see you right now. Please don't make this anymore difficult than it has to be. I need some time, Deacon. Please respect that, and leave me alone._

_Rayna_


	16. Chapter 16

Rayna walked into the empty apartment at 2:16am. It had been a long, busy night at Bluebird. She was feeling physically and emotionally exhausted. 12 hr shifts at the bar, tour rehearsals, and worrying herself to death over Deacon the past couple weeks was taking its toll on her.

She knew he'd been there before she even looked in the bedroom. His cologne was still in the air. The boxes she'd packed were gone, but the note was on her pillow. Scribbled at the bottom simply…

I'm sorry

D

2 weeks of putting her through hell. Crying herself to sleep, wondering if he was hurt, drunk, in jail, or even dead and all he could manage was 2 words…2 GODDAMN WORDS!

Across town, Deacon had checked into a cheap hotel. He had driven around for about an hour after leaving the apartment, and finally decided he couldn't handle another minute in his truck. He felt like he'd lived in it the past couple of weeks.

For the first time in 2 days, since waking up in New Orleans, he really wanted a drink. He carried all his stuff in from the truck. He figured he'd be here a while, at least the next 11 nights, until they leave on the tour for 3 months. No point looking for a permanent place until after the tour.

"The tour…How the hell were they gonna get through that, or even the rehearsals leading up to it, for that matter?" He thought.

Rayna wanted nothing to do with him, yet somehow tomorrow they had to get through a rehearsal together.

He layed alone in the hotel bed, trying to block out thoughts of Rayna, and wondered if she was doing the same across town.

Unable to sleep, and struggling to block Rayna thoughts, he switched on the alarm clock radio on the nightstand.

Joe Diffie's A Night to remember was playing. "Well that's depressing." He thought, as he quickly changed the channel.

Then he heard it…It was his own voice, and Rayna's. A local Nashville station was playing No One Will Ever Love You. He had no idea they were getting radio play. The announcer came on…

"_You're listening to NASH nights "Late Night Love" All love longs, all night long"_

"_That was Rayna Jaymes and Deacon Claybourne, with No One Will Ever Love You"_

"_These two newcomers have been heating up local Nashville stages for several months"_

"_Edgehill records just announced their first official album release is coming in September"_

"_They will be opening for Vince Gill and George Strait this summer"_

"_Make sure to catch a show if you can…these two are HOT HOT HOT on stage, and apparently they have a pretty steamy off stage relationship too according sources"_

Deacon was completely in shock. He knew Watty had been working on publicity, and they had done some studio recordings, but hearing his voice with Rayna coming from the radio was so surreal.

Rayna's dreams of making it big in country music were coming true, and weather she liked it, or not, Deacon was a big part of it.

His first instinct was to call her, congratulate her, celebrate a huge success together, but he knew she didn't want to hear from him. She wanted her space, her freedom, and Deacon to leave her alone. He had no choice but to respect her wishes, for now.

He hoped maybe she'd soften in time, and they could come to some middle ground, or hell he didn't know what…

"How the hell do you give someone space when you're crammed on a 40 foot bus together for 3 months." He wondered.

Deacon had been staring at the clock, watching the minutes tick by for over 3 hrs. It was 4:53am on a gloomy Thursday morning. Rain was forecasted all day, which wasn't going to help his sour mood.

Sleep clearly wasn't going to happen. He got up, showered, and decided to try to make the early bird 6am AA meeting. His truck had other ideas.

It had always been a temperamental vehicle, much like its owner Rayna used to joke.

She hated driving the 79 chevy. She always had a problem getting it to start.

"You don't seem to have a problem getting me started" Deacon had joked, as he dotted kisses on her neck.

She had just come home from the grocery store, and was mad as hell after being stranded in the grocery store parking lot, as her Haagen Daz melted in the passenger seat.

"You know, you're sexy as hell when you're mad." He'd joked as he slid her shirt off her shoulder, and deepened the kisses from her neck and down her back.

The ice cream never did make it to the freezer that afternoon. He smiled as he recalled the memory.

Usually after a few tries, he could get the cranky chevy going, but today it was giving him fits. It didn't help that he had left the glove compartment open, as he'd moved his belonging from truck to hotel room earlier this morning.

The battery was dying as Deacon held the key in the start position. He let go, and sighed.

"DAMMIT" he cursed as he gave up, and punched the dashboard. He slammed the door as he got out, and started walking in the light drizzle, towards his AA meeting.

He arrived a few minutes late at 6:03am, damp, and irritated, at the way his morning was shaping up.

"Thank you, Kate." The meeting leader said as a dark haired woman left the podium.

"Is there anyone else that would like to speak?" the leader asked the small group of 7.

Deacon stood up and approached the front of the room.

"_mornin everyone."_

"_I'm Deacon, and I'm an alcoholic." he said as he bit his lower lip._

"_I had been sober 126 days, until I slipped last week." _

"_I lost a woman that was more like a mother to me, than my own, …cancer." His voice cracked a little._

"_Anyway, it forced me back to my hometown, and painful memories I wasn't ready to relive."_

"_Fights with my family, fights with my girlfriend, and just being back there was more than I could take."_

"_So… I did what I do…grabbed a bottle of Jack."_

"_Somehow, not even sure how…I ended up on an 8 day bender."_

"_I don't remember anything for EIGHT DAYS!" he was shaking now._

"_It scares the hell out of me! No idea where I was, or what I did for more than a week."_

"_Woke up in some dumpy hotel in New Orleans, 3 hrs from where I was supposed to be."_

"_I got home last night, to my crap packed in boxes, note on top from the girlfriend."_

"_She kicked me out. Doesn't even wanna talk about it." Tears threatened to spill from his eyes._

"_I don't blame her. This isn't the first time…wish like hell I could promise her, it was the last, but…you know how that is…" his voice was cracking._

"_So now I'm livin at Motel 6, truck wouldn't start this mornin."_

"_Probably a good country song there." He joked_

"_Great first day of sobriety so far, and it's barely 6:30am." _

"_Anyway, if anyone is goin by Motel 6, I could use a ride back, and a jump start."_

"_Thanks."_

Half an hour later Deacon was riding back to Motel 6, new welcome chip in his pocket, with a young man from the AA meeting named Jason Petersen.

Luckily the guy was a mechanic by trade. He helped Deacon get his truck started, but told him it needed some major work, that would probably cost more than the truck was worth.

"Story of my life." Joked Deacon

"You drove this thing all the way to New Orleans and back?" asked the man.

"Yep."

"I'm surprised you made it. When was the last oil change, or fluid checks?" asked the young mechanic

"Honestly, I have no idea." Deacon embarrassedly admitted.

"I'm a musician. Tuning guitars is more my thing. Engines, not so much."

"Well, I work at Nashville Motors. I can do the work for you, if you want?" said Jason

"…but best I can tell without pulling it apart, you have a cracked engine block. Probably run you over $1000 for engine replacement, and the transmission doesn't look too good either. If that goes out, probably another $2000."

"So you're pretty much sayin I need a new truck, huh?" Deacon sarcastically asked

"Yeah that would be my advice." Joked Jason

"I have a buddy that's in Sales at Nashville Motors. Glenn Samuels is his name. Tell him I sent you. He'll take good care of you."

"OK, thanks for everything, man."

"Sure, anytime. Catch you at another meeting." Jason said as he slammed the hood, shook Deacon's hand, and headed to his car.

Trying to kill a rainy Thursday afternoon, and keep his mind off Rayna, Deacon took Jason's advice and drove to Nashville Motors.

He had test driven 3 trucks, and finally decided on a brand new 1992 Chevy Suburban. It was two-toned black and silver.

Deacon had chosen the suburban over another basic truck because it offered a large covered area for transport of his precious guitars.

He was also thinking ahead to the tour. Since he was homeless, he'd need a secure place to leave his belongings while away for 3 months.

He figured he could get everything in the suburban, and worry about a place to live when he came back. It would be safely locked inside the fence at the bus lot while they toured.

He wasn't getting much for his old truck on trade, but it didn't matter. He was putting some of Rosa's money to good use, on something practical he'd use for years to come.

As he cleaned out his old Chevy of personal belongings, a flood of memories hit him.

He found the Bud and Sissy signs Rayna bought at Gilley's in Pasadena on the way to Mexico that 1st Christmas together.

He thought they were stupid at the time, but Rayna thought it was hilarious. What he wouldn't give to hear her laughing like that again.

He tried to discretely slip a pair of Rayna's silk panties he found under the seat into his pocket, but the salesman noticed and snickered.

He guessed those were from just a couple months back. He'd been out of rehab a few days. He and Rayna had taken a country drive to get away and spend some time alone.

Deacon forgot the gas gage sometimes didn't work. They were 90 miles outside Nashville when the engine started sputtering. He looked down and realized the gage hadn't moved from full since they'd left Nashville. A few minutes later the truck died.

Luckily Rayna was still on her dad's triple A account, but it was going to be a couple hours before they could get a tow truck out to them.

Rayna was about to melt down with the triple A operator, over the long wait time.

Deacon grabbed the phone …

"Its fine, ma'am. We'll wait." He said as he flipped the phone closed

"Deacon, what the hell are we gonna do fo…" He slid Rayna across the bench seat onto his lap, and planted a gentle kiss, on her pretty lips.

"That gives us a couple hours to steam up these windows." He'd flashed his best smile, and planted a few more kisses across Rayna's chest.

The tow truck had actually only taken about an hour to show up with the gas. They were literally caught pants down and rushing to dress before the man reached the truck. Rayna thought she'd lost those panties.

Rayna's face turned about 50 shades of red in embarrassment. The tow driver laughed and said he could come back later if…

"You'd be surprised how often I find people like this." The man said

Deacon also found several pictures of him and Rayna together in happier times, several of Rayna's earrings, lipstick tubes, and countless other tiny items she thought forever lost.

At the bottom of the glove box he found the first love letter Rayna had ever written him about a month after they met…

_Deacon, 4/26/90_

_This past month has been the best of my life. I know this is all still new, but I already feel like we're meant to be together. _

_I can't imagine my life without you. You've made every day special in some way. _

_I can't stay sad, or mad when you're near. I never imagined being this happy with anyone._

_We have so much in common. You've given me the strength, and will to go after what I really want in life and with my music. _

_With you by my side onstage and off, I know all of our dreams are going to come true. _

_I can't think of anyone I'd rather take this journey with._

_I love you with all my heart and soul!_

_Forever and always,_

_Ray_

Deacon had to wipe a tear away. He'd told Rayna he loved her that day for the first time, but the truth was, he'd loved her since the night he walked her to Tandy's condo on the 12th floor. The night she screwed up every order she touched at the Bluebird. He knew he loved her the second he saw her, before he even knew her name.

He knew he'd love Rayna Jaymes for the rest of his life, weather they were together or not.

He only hoped the same girl that had written this letter still felt the same about him, and maybe by some miracle would give him another chance.

It was bittersweet pulling away from the dealership, leaving the old truck, and all the memories it held.

He'd give anything for a chance to make some new memories with Rayna in this truck.

It was 1:39pm. He knew Rayna started her Bluebird shift in 20 minutes. She didn't know the new the truck so he figured he could go by the Bluebird and catch a glimpse of her arriving if he hurried.

He hadn't seen Rayna since he'd left for Natchez back on the 2nd. He regretted so much about that day.

"Why the hell hadn't he just let her go with him?" he cursed.

He felt like a stalker sitting in the back of the Bluebird parking lot.

2:00 came and went. He hadn't seen Rayna. Maybe she'd been early and was already inside when he arrived, but not likely. Rayna was usually not more than a minute or two early, and normally she was late. It drove him crazy, but she couldn't be on time to save her life.

2:15 it finally got the better of him. It was after all Thursday. He could just go in and act like it was about his long time Thursday night gig.

"What's the worst that could happen?" he thought.

Deacon crossed the parking lot, and walked in the front door.

He looked around. No sign of Rayna. Jeremy, the kid who'd taken over Deacon's bartending job saw him and yelled…

"Hey Deke, How the hell are ya? We missed you last night."

Deacon looked at him confused "What?"

"Rayna's going away party? I was wondering where you were?"

"Guess my invitation got lost." Deacon tried to smile.

"Oh, man, sorry…I heard you and Rayna were…." Jeremy's voice trailed off as Deacon shot him a _don't go there look!_

"I didn't think it was true, and she hadn't said anything to me sooo…." Jeremy just couldn't shut up.

By this point Deacon was more focused on the bottles behind Jeremy. It would be so easy to just order a double, and drink the afternoon away.

"Sorry, man, that's rough with the big tour and all." Jeremy went on

"We're just going through a rough patch, that's all." Deacon lied.

"So Rayna's not waitressing anymore?" pried Deacon.

"No, she came in yesterday and told Sara she was just too exhausted with rehearsals, and had personal reasons for not wanting to be here today." Jeremey knew as soon as he'd said it he'd gone too far again.

"Personal REASONS, meaning ME, and my Thursday night gig?" Deacon looked hurt

"I don't know, man. Rayna didn't say for sure."

"She didn't have to." Deacon swallowed a lump that was forming.

"Good to see you, Jeremy. I gotta run."

"Tell Sara she can go ahead and fill my Thursday night spot. I'm done, till after the tour." Deacon turned to leave.

"Good luck with the big tour, and all, Deke! Don't forget us when you're rich and famous!" Jeremy shook Deacon's hand as he wished him the best.

"Rich and Famous." Deacon laughed at Jeremy's sentiments as he crossed the parking lot.

It had taken 2 long yrs, but it seemed Rayna's dreams might be coming true.

They were on country radio. The tour with Vince Gill, and George Strait was leaving in 12 days. Edgehill was going to release their first album in a few months.

As Deacon climbed back in the new truck, Rayna's love letter fell from the visor.

"_With you by my side onstage and off, I know all of our dreams are going to come true. _

_I can't think of anyone I'd rather take this journey with."_

"She had so much damn faith in him back in the beginning." He thought, as guilt for everything he'd put her through the past 2 yrs set in again.

Somehow, someway he had to prove to her he was still that guy, the man she wanted him to be.


	17. Chapter 17

Almost 3pm. Rayna had lain in bed most of the day. It felt so weird not needing to be at the Bluebird after more than 2 yrs of 12 hr shifts.

She hated to quit, but was planning to next week anyway for the tour. After hearing from Watty, that Deacon was going to be back, she figured he'd show up for his Thursday night Bluebird gig.

She didn't want to see him, or at least that was what she was trying to tell herself. She was so tired of his temper, and moodiness. He'd pushed her away for the last time.

Deacon always did this. They'd have a fight. He'd drink, get mad, and break up with her. Later, when he was sober, he'd regret it, and come crawling back.

He would be so tearful, apologetic, and just plain miserable looking, she couldn't resist. He had the saddest eyes when he was hurting.

Deacon's deep blue eyes had always been her weakness. There was no way she could look into that man's eyes, and break his heart, no matter what he'd done to her.

She loved him, probably more now than ever, but Luke had been right. She thought of his words the other night.

"…_but what about you, though, Rayna? Who's taking care of you? It's not all about Deacon. You need to feel good about things too, take care of yourself."_

"_I know, Luke, but right now it's so much about getting him through this rough patch."_

"_Doesn't give him the right to talk to you the way he was on the phone tonight, Rayna."_

"_After all, you wanted to go with him. It was his choice to leave you here in Nashville."_

Rayna had wanted to go with Deacon to Natchez. She would like to have been there for Vince too. After all, the 3 of them had lived together for more than a year.

She was confused and hurt by Deacon's refusal to take her with him.

She had also been terrified about Deacon and Vince being together, because it always ended in drinking and these benders that lasted days.

Deacon had never disappeared more than a week like this last one though. Usually he was crawling back within a day.

Until now his worst had been 3 days, and he normally contacted her himself.

This time he'd only called Watty.

She assumed he was pissed off about her messages, but she was really pissed this time too.

8 DAYS!

"How could he just blow her off for 8 days?" she wondered.

It had actually been 10 days now since she'd spoken to Deacon.

She wondered if he was back on his AA program. Another bone of contention for her. More than one meeting a day seemed excessive to her.

"Who the hell needs 3 of the same damn meeting in a day?" she thought

It didn't matter what they were in the middle of, or what else they needed to do. Deacon always seemed to have a damn AA meeting to get to.

It was going on 4:30pm. Rayna was disgusted with herself for laying in bed wasting the day thinking about Deacon Claybourne.

She decided to get up, shower, find something to keep her mind off him…

30 minutes later Rayna emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered.

She opened the closet door to look for something comfortable to lounge around the apartment in.

"Dammit" she cursed

She thought she had packed all of Deacon's clothes, but there hanging on the inside of the door on a hook, was Deacon's favorite denim shirt.

She practically had to pry the thing away from him just to wash it. He'd hang it on the hook rather than put it in the hamper.

It hadn't been washed since Deacon had last worn it, and was heavy with his scent.

Rayna tried to swallow the lump growing in her throat, but before she knew it she was sitting on the bed bawling into the shirt, taking in Deacon's cologne.

Across town Deacon had hit a drive thru, and was now back in his hotel room staring at an overcooked burger from a paper bag.

He knew he needed to eat something. His last meal had been the pizza with Vince yesterday, but he just wasn't feeling hungry.

"Maybe I should've done the Bluebird gig tonight?" he thought

He wasn't sure how to fill the empty hours alone in the hotel room.

There was onsite laundry. He started unpacking his suitcase from the Natchez trip.

"Might as well catch up on laundry." He thought

The letter Rosa had left was in the front suitcase pocket. The lawyer had told them Rosa requested those be read in private. He'd forgotten about it till now.

He carefully opened the envelope and sat down at the table to read it.

_Deke,_

_My sweet boy. I guess if you're reading this, I'm gone._

_I know you had a rough start in life, but I hope you'll overcome all the hurt and pain you suffered as a child. _

_I knew you were special the day Vince brought you home from school. You just had a light in your eyes that never left no matter how much you were hurting._

_You were always the sweet one. I remember even at 6 you were polite, and quick to offer help, or hold a door open. I'd never seen such a young kid be such a gentleman._

_The first time I heard you play guitar I knew you were going to make it big in music, and it has brought me so much joy these last few months of my life to see your career starting to take off. I wish I had more time to see where it all leads._

_The light in your eyes is still there. Especially onstage with Rayna. I can see how happy she makes you in the pictures Vince has shown me. She seems like a nice girl. We talked a little by phone while you were in rehab. Hang on to her, Deke. She loves you so much. You deserve to be happy together._

_As for your own mother, Frannie. We had our differences. I never understood why she stayed with a man like JD, but she loves you, and is also so proud of you. I hope you'll try to repair the damage and have a relationship with her. I ran into her at the grocery store from time to time. She always asked about you, and wanted to know if I'd heard from you._

_Vince…not sure what to say here. He has his demons, but deep down he's a good person. He loves you like a brother. I'm sad to leave him alone, but I know he has you. Please be there for him, and try to get him the help he needs if he's willing._

_Until we meet again…Know that I loved you like a son, and wish you the best that life has to offer. I'll be watching you on that stage always._

_Love,_

_Mom_

Deacon put the letter back in the envelope as tears dotted the paper.

He wasn't sure what he'd ever done to deserve Rosa's love, but he was happy to have had her in his life, and wasn't sure where he might be today without her.

Deacon pulled his phone from his shirt pocket and dialed Frannie's number.

"_Hello"_

"_Hey, mom….it's Deke."_

"_Deke, I'm so happy you called. I wasn't sure I'd hear from you again."_

"_Yeah, sorry. Things got a little crazy with Rosa's funeral, and Vince. Sorry I didn't get back to see you."_

"_Are you back in Nashville?"_

"_Yeah, yeah…starting rehearsals for this big tour tomorrow."_

"_Glad you made it back safe."_

"_How is Rayna?"_

"…_uhhhh….not really sure ma. We're havin some problems. I haven't seen her since I got back."_

"_Sorry to hear that. Hope things work out."_

"_Me too mom. Listen, I gotta go, just wanted to call and say I love you."_

"_Love you too, Deke."_

His mind wandered to Rayna. He wondered what she was doing tonight. Like it or not she was going to have to talk to him tomorrow morning for rehearsal. He hoped things would go well, and maybe they could talk after.

After he'd finished his laundry, he sat down to think about Rayna and what he needed to say to her tomorrow.

Talking had never been his best quality, but writing a song might work. He began jotting notes about forgiveness, and being a better man.

2 hours later he'd put music to his words, and named his new creation **"The Man I Want To Be"**

9:46am Friday morning, Deacon walked into the rehearsal hall. Watty was already there.

"Hey, Wat."

"Deacon, glad to see you made it back."

"How are things going?" Watty inquired, meaning with Rayna

"….uuuhhhhh, well, haven't seen her."

"She kicked me out. Stayin at Motel 6."

"Sorry to hear that. How are you gonna get …."

"I have no idea." Deacon cut him off

"You two will work it out. You always do."

"Hope you're right, Wat."

10:03am Rayna walked in as Deacon tuned his guitar in a corner of the large room.

She was doing her best to avoid eye contact, and talking to everyone except Deacon.

Luke had finished his 5 song set. Rayna and Deacon were up.

Rayna's demeanor was icy at best. She was avoiding eye contact completely. They ran through a lackluster version of "Postcards from Mexico."

Deacon ran through "Back Home," as Rayna continue her best to ignore him.

Rayna ran through "Changing Ground."

Next on the play list was supposed to be "Sideshow."

"Hang on guys." Deacon stopped everyone

"I have a new one I'd like to try out. I'll run through it alone, and if you like it I'll get scores and we can add it to the lineup, OK?"

Deacon sat alone in the middle of the room, guitar on his lap and launched into the song he'd written the night before.

_This is a Chris Young song. I have no rights_

**"The Man I Want To Be"**

God, I'm down here on my knees  
>'Cause it's the last place left to fall<br>Beggin' for another chance  
>If there's any chance at all<br>That You might still be listenin'  
>Lovin' and forgivin' guys like me<p>

I've spent my whole life  
>Gettin' it all wrong<br>And I sure could use Your help  
>'Cause from now on<p>

I want to be a good man  
>A do like I should man<br>I want to be the kind of man  
>The mirror likes to see<p>

I want to be a strong man  
>And admit that I was wrong man<br>God, I'm asking You to come change me  
>Into the man I want to be<p>

If there's anyway for her and me  
>To make another start<br>Could You see what You could do  
>To put some love back in her heart?<br>'Cause it goin' to take a miracle  
>After all I've done to really make her see<p>

That I want to be a stay man  
>I want to be a brave man<br>I want to be the kind of man  
>She sees in her dreams<p>

God, I want to be Your man  
>And I want to be her man<br>God, I only hope she still believes  
>In the man I want to be<p>

Well, I know this late at night the talk is cheap  
>But Lord, don't give up on me<p>

I want to be a givin' man  
>I want to really start livin', man<br>God, I'm asking You to come change me  
>Into the man I want to be<p>

Rayna was visibly shaken, but still doing her best to remain chilled with Deacon.

Everyone else was silent, waiting to see what, if anything was going to happen. They'd all witnessed Deacon and Rayna's fights before.

Watty finally broke the silence.

"I like it! Why don't we get scores and add it to the play list an an encore?"

Everyone agreed. Rayna wasn't speaking. Watty again intervened.

"OK, last, but not least. We need to run through "No One Will Ever Love You" with Deacon and Rayna, and we're done for today." Said Watty

Deacon sat in the middle of the room, ready with his guitar.

Rayna reluctantly took the chair next to him, trying not to brush his leg as she sat down.

_Dont you try to tell me someones waiting.  
>Theyre not waiting for you.<br>Oh and dont you try to tell me that youre wanted.  
>That youre needed.<br>Cause its not true.  
>I know why youre lonely.<br>Its time you knew it too.  
>No one will ever love you, no one will ever love you.<br>No one will ever love you like I do._

_Why you always looking for the limelight?  
>Aint you satisfied with me?<br>For once why dont you get down off your high heels,  
>youre no big deal.<br>Cant you see? I know why youre lonely.  
>Its time you knew it too.<br>No one will ever love you. No one will ever love you.  
>No one will ever love you like I do.<br>Im all you got.  
>Im all youll ever need.<br>Im all youll ever have._

Deacon always leaned in for a kiss at the end of the song, and he was determined to do it this time. He could tell Rayna's shell was cracking. He leaned close and planted a sweet kiss gently against Rayna's lips.

For the first time all morning she made eye contact with him.

"I'm so sorry, Ray." He whispered as he stared into her green eyes, his own blue eyes misting over.

Rayna's icy exterior cracked. She burst into tears and ran from the hall.

"RAYNA, RAY….WAIT!" Deacon yelled after her.

He slipped his guitar off and handed it to Luke, as he started to go after Rayna.

Look grabbed Deacon's hand to stop him.

"Why don't you just let her go? Don't you think you've hurt her enough?" Luke spat

"It's none of your damn business! Stay the hell out of it!" Deacon spat back, as he pulled his hand away from Luke and bolted for the door.

Rayna was a block away heading toward the riverfront. Deacon wondered how the hell she was so quick in high heels. He finally caught up to her, but she wasn't slowing down.

"Ray, Rayna….PLEASE…just talk to me." He pleaded as he tried to keep up.

He grabbed her shoulder and spun her around to face him. Her makeup was a mess, tears were falling, and she was shaking uncontrollably with rage, hurt, raw emotion.

"Leave me ALONE, DEACON!"

"No, Ray…We need to talk." He calmly said.

"OH NOW YOU WANNA TALK? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU PUT ME THROUGH?"

She was trembling with anger, hurt, and hate. Deacon had never seen her so upset.

"8 DAYS, DEACON? 8 GODDAMN DAYS! I DIDN'T NO IF YOU WERE ALIVE OR DEAD!"

"Ray…c'mere….PLEASE?" He pulled her into his chest, as she sobbed uncontrollably, and tried her best to push him away.

"YOU'RE NOT DOING THIS TO ME ANYMORE, DEACON!"

"OK, Ray…you're right. I'm an asshole. I just…" he was crying now too

"I'm so sorry, baby. I never meant to hurt you again. Everything kinda went to hell that day Bev showed up at Vince's."

"I DON'T CARE, DEACON! I'M SO TIRED OF EXCUSES, AND REASONS WHY YOU KEEP PUSHING ME AWAY."

"I know, and I'm working on things. I'm back in AA. I haven't touched alcohol in a couple days."

"IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYMORE, DEACON! WE'RE DONE!"

"Don't say that, Ray, PLEASE, sweetheart, just give me one more chance?"

"I need you so damn much. I can't do this alone, Ray." He pleaded.

"I'm so goddamn sorry, Ray. I just…slipped….and…." he was trying to talk and crying.

"I'll do whatever you want, baby. Please just don't give up on me…us…"

"I'll go back to rehab, counseling, whatever you ask, Ray…I'll do it."

Rayna was softening. Deacon pleading with her was heartbreaking.

"There's no time for rehab, Deacon. We have this tour. You signed contracts."

"I know, and I'm all in, Ray. I can't wait to spend this time on the road with you."

"It's what you've always wanted. I just hope you still see me in that picture?"

Rayna wasn't fighting to get away anymore. She still wanted to run, not let him hurt her anymore, but at the same time it felt so good to just let him hold her, take the pain away.

"I love you, Ray. I know I get stupid, and push you away when I need you most. I'll work on that, just say you'll let me?"

"I don't know, Deacon. You're always sorry, and you always do it again."

"I don't wanna think about us, right now. I just wanna get through these rehearsals, and start this tour. We'll see what happens along the way? OK?"

"OK, Ray. Whatever you want."

Top of Form

Bottom of Form


	18. Chapter 18

The 26th had arrived. The tour was set to pull out of Nashville tonight. Watty had arranged the motor coach details with Edgehill.

Rayna was packing, and obsessing over every detail. They wouldn't be back to Nashville for 3 months.

She wanted to leave the apartment clean, make sure all the bills were taken care of, and remind the manager to check on things at least weekly while she was away.

Deacon across town at Motel 6 had less to worry about in the way of packing. He'd been living out of a suitcase for almost a month since he'd left the apartment for Natchez back on the 2nd.

He didn't have the rent, or household bills to worry about while away. All he had to do was move the boxes Rayna had packed his belongings into, and his suitcases from hotel room to truck.

Rehearsals had been a bit strained with Deacon and Rayna no longer the couple Edgehill had advertised them as in all the promotional details.

Things were better than they'd been 2 weeks ago, but Rayna still hadn't forgiven Deacon for his last slip, and the hell he'd put her through.

He'd been trying to give her the space she wanted.

They were set to leave at 9pm. They had an 11 hour drive to Janesville, Wisconsin.

The first 6 weeks of the tour would be with opening for Vince Gill. Followed by 6 weeks opening for George Strait.

Deacon arrived at 8:30pm. Watty was arguing with a woman at the front desk over an apparent reservation mix up with the bus.

"I called to change it a week ago." Deacon heard Watty say.

"I'm sorry, sir. All I have is the original reservation for one 48 foot coach"

"I don't see where the other was ever entered into our system, and the fees paid are in the amount to cover the one coach."

"We need 2, 30 foot coaches." Watty heatedly said.

"I can make some calls, but at this time of night on a Friday…"

"Fine, make the calls." Agreed Watty

After several minutes on the phone the woman called Watty back to the front desk.

"OK, found the problem. Edgehill never agreed to the changes, sir."

"The cost of the 2 busses, plus an extra driver was significantly higher."

"OK, I guess we'll have to make do with the one. Thanks for checking." Irritated, Watty walked back to the lot.

The band members and roadies were all present.

"OK, it's this one." Watty directed everyone to the coach to begin loading equipment, while he spoke with the driver about itinerary.

"Everything OK, Wat?" Deacon asked.

"uuuhhhh, yeah, we'll make it work."

"What's the problem?" inquired Deacon.

"Rayna asked to change the bus situation, but there was a mix up. Original plan stands." Watty answered as Deacon looked confused.

"What changes did she ask for?"

"She thought maybe 2 smaller busses would be better for everyone, rather than the one large bus."

"She did, huh?" Deacon answered trying to keep the anger out of his voice.

Luke pulled into the bus lot. Deacon's irritation festered more when he realized Rayna was with Luke. He tossed his bags into his assigned undercarriage compartment, and slammed the door before climbing onto the bus, without another word to anyone.

"OK, we're about to pull out everyone. You can put anything you don't need right away in an undercarriage compartment. We'll get everyone situated inside, and we'll be off shortly." Watty announced to everyone.

Once on the bus Watty directed everyone to the assigned areas.

"OK there are 3 private bedroom areas. I'll be in the small one near the front. There are 6 bunks along the sides for the 2 roadies, Luke, and the 3 band members. The large bedroom at the back is for Deacon and Rayna, or at least that was the original plan."

"uuuhhhh, Watty, I thought we talked about the bus situation?" asked Rayna

"Yeah, well, apparently Edgehill didn't want to foot the bill for an extra driver." Sighed Watty.

Deacon was seething with anger by this point, and doing his best to hide it. Rayna could tell he was pissed, but wasn't sure why. They weren't together. She thought he understood that, and was OK with things for now.

Luke decided to twist the knife a little more.

"I'd be happy to bunk with Rayna if that would help?" Luke sarcastically added, as Rayna shot him a death glare.

"You know what? I'll just be up front with the driver. OUT OF EVERYONE'S DAMN WAY!" Deacon said as he turned and stomped towards the front of the coach.

Several hours later the driver told Deacon he could use a break and pulled into a truck stop in a small town in Southern Illinois. Deacon got out to stretch, and went in for a cup of coffee. The front seat wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep. His legs and back ached.

As he turned to leave the counter with the biggest cup of coffee he could get, Rayna walked in.

"If you wanna try to get some sleep, I'll sit up front. You can have the bed." She offered.

"I'M GOOD!" Deacon said as he tried to get past her to the door.

"DEACON? What is the problem? What do you want from me?"

"NOTHIN, RAYNA! NOT A GODDAMN THING." He said as he forcefully pushed the door open, stomped across the parking lot, and slammed the passenger side bus door as he climbed back in.

Clearly several hours hadn't changed his mood. Rayna sighed, got her own coffee, and went back out to the bus, contemplating if she should try to talk to Deacon.

She decided against it for the moment. She knew when Deacon was in these moods he was almost impossible to deal with, and it would most likely become a heated argument.

A yelling match was the last thing they needed on night number one. Watty and some of the other guys were asleep.

"Only 89 more nights to go!" she signed as she climbed the bus steps.

Deacon awoke with the sun directly in his eyes. His back was killing him, and his legs were cramped after sleeping in the passenger seat all night.

The bus was stopped, and quiet aside from the driver snoring in the seat next to him. He looked around. They were parked across from a small diner, near the fair they were playing tonight.

There were also public restrooms with showers, in the park, just outside the bus. He grabbed his overnight bag and retreated to the men's room for a hot shower.

Still no signs of life from his travel mates as he put his bag back on the bus. Deacon bought a newspaper from a street box, and headed towards the diner for breakfast.

By the time Deacon finished his 3rd cup of coffee, ate his breakfast, and read the paper, Watty and Rayna had walked in.

They ambled over to his table.

"Good morning. Want some company?" Watty asked.

"Actually, I'm all done. Tables yours." Deacon offered as he got up, pulled money from his wallet, and dropped it on the table.

"Oh…already read this if you want it?" Deacon said as he dropped the newspaper on the table and headed for the door.

There was an article on the front page about tonight's entertainment at the fair, complete with a color photo of Rayna and Deacon staring into each other's eyes.

The headline read "See country's newest star-crossed lover's heat up the stage under the stars tonight"

"That was awkward." Watty pried Rayna for a little info.

"I know, Wat. I thought he was doing OK with things the way they are, but apparently he's not happy about something."

"Anything to do with Luke?" asked Watty.

"There's nothing going on, Watty. We're just friends."

"….and Deacon?" he pried a little further.

"Think you two can work this out?"

"Yeah, I already know I plan to take him back, AGAIN! I love him." Rayna laughed

"Does he know that?"

"Not yet. I just thought he needed a little time to really think about things."

"…and maybe suffer a little." Watty smiled

"Yeah, kinda cruel, I guess. I need to talk to him. He's just been so damn hostile since we got on the bus."

"That's was kinda why I wanted the two smaller buses. I thought Deacon and I could have a little more privacy, and it would be better if Luke and Deacon were on separate buses."

Rayna and Watty finished breakfast. Rayna decided to find Deacon. They needed to talk. By the time she got back out to the bus Deacon was sound asleep in the passenger seat.

She thought about waking him and telling him to move to THEIR bed, but decided to let him sleep. He looked exhausted.

She couldn't help but notice how handsome he was in the sunlight. At only 24, he already showed signs of aging and wrinkles around his eyes, and mouth, but they only accented his smile. Deacon's smile could light up a room.

Even with his temper, and all his faults she still felt more attracted to Deacon than any other man she'd ever met. There was just something about him she couldn't get past, and probably never would. He had a hold on her heart she couldn't explain.

She was tempted to just curl up on his lap, and kiss him awake. She suddenly had an ingenious thought.

They always finished their sets with "No One Will Ever Love You". Deacon always kissed her right at the end. The past couple weeks in rehearsals he'd continued the kiss even though she wasn't responsive.

The hurt in his eyes each time she didn't respond was heartbreaking, and she suddenly felt horrible for making him suffer.

Tonight at their kick off show instead of the icy response, she'd kiss him back, and whisper "I love you" as they closed their portion of the show


	19. Chapter 19

The first show was amazing, such energy! Luke had really riled up the crowd. Rayna and Deacon were bringing them back down to earth with their twangy love songs. The show had sold out weeks ago, and Rayna was having a hard time believing this was all really happening.

She was on cloud nine. Their first album would be released soon. Her dreams were so close to reality, and Deacon was next to her just as she'd imagined the day they met.

Deacon was struggling a little more. He was keeping things together in front of a crowd, but Rayna hadn't let him in on the fact that she wanted him back yet.

In all honesty, he was miserable. He felt like he'd lost Rayna, and now had to live on a tour bus with her for the next 3 months, and watch her and Luke do whatever the hell it was they were doing.

He was pissed off that she'd requested a second tour bus, no doubt so she wouldn't have to deal with him, except on stage. Showing up with Luke had been the final straw last night. If he hadn't signed contracts he probably would have gotten in his truck and said "fuck the tour" last night.

He knew he couldn't do that to Watty, after all he'd done to get them this far. All the publicity, rehearsals, press, and now opening for Vince Gill and in a few weeks King George himself.

He knew he should be grateful, and happy, but all this crap with Rayna was killing him. He wanted a drink, and had no idea how he was going to make it 3 months living like this. His anger was getting the best of him.

He managed to push through as he stared into Rayna's eyes for "No One Will Ever Love You". A few more versus and he could get the hell off this stage, and go wallow in his own self-pity alone somewhere.

"_No one will ever love you. No one will ever love you.  
>No one will ever love you like I do.<br>Im all you got.  
>Im all youll ever need.<br>Im all youll ever have."_

The crowd went wild. Deacon stood up and offered Rayna his hand to help her up.

"Thank you so much Janesville! It's been an honor to play our first official tour show with you here tonight. We hope you liked it. Mr. Vince Gill will be out shortly." Deacon addressed the crowd as the thundering applause died down.

Rayna was glad he'd made the closing goodbyes to the crowd. She was shaken. For the first time EVER, Deacon hadn't kissed her at the end of "No One Will Ever Love You."

"So much for her plan." She thought.

Their tour group gathered with Watty backstage.

"That was amazing everyone. Great first run. The rest of the night is yours. We pull out at 9am tomorrow. Just make sure you're back on the bus by then." Watty laughed.

Most of the gang was headed to the beer tent. Luke came up behind Rayna.

"Hey Congratulations! Not bad for our first time out huh?" he said.

"Yeah it was pretty mind blowing being in front of that many people." Rayna agreed.

"You gonna head over to the beer tent?" Luke asked.

Rayna looked around. Deacon had disappeared.

"uuhhh…yeah…sounds good." She answered.

She hoped maybe Deacon had already gone over there with the guys from the band.

She was disappointed as the entered. Deacon was nowhere in sight.

After about an hour and still no sign of Deacon she began to worry. He wasn't himself onstage tonight.

"Hey, Luke. I've kinda got a headache. I'm gonna head back to the bus and go to bed."

"OK, sugar. You want me to walk you?" He said as he grabbed her hand.

"No, no, you stay here. Everyone's having a good time. I'll be fine."

"Alright, well, you call me if you need anything. I'll check on you later." Luke said as Rayna pulled her hand away from him.

Rayna's heart sank when she didn't find Deacon on the bus. As she stepped out the door to go looking for him, she spotted a familiar figure sitting alone near a fire pit in the distance.

She approached Deacon from behind. He didn't know she was there. He had tears on his cheeks. When they were fighting she knew Deacon could bring on the water works and make her feel guilty, but he was alone now, and really hurting inside.

"Hey." She said as she sat next to him and put her head on his shoulder.

"What are you doin, Ray?" He asked, confused by her affection.

"I miss you, Deacon."

"What about Luke?" he asked with a little more irritation in his voice than intended.

"What about him?"

"You two seem awfully cozy these days, that's all, Ray?"

"We're friends, Deacon! That's all!"

"Really? Why did you want the extra bus? …and you showed up together last night? Kinda seems to me you'd like to edge me out and …" his voice tailed off.

"Is that what this cold shoulder has been about since we left Nashville?"

"Yeah" he simply said as he stared into the fire flames.

"You're wrong Deacon. Why not ask me for once? You always just assume the worst in me, Deacon. Do you really think I'd ever cheat on you with Luke, or anyone for that matter?"

"I love you, Deacon. That's never not been true. Why can't you just believe that that's the truth."

"I wanted 2 buses so WE could have some privacy, NOT to edge you out and go off with Luke."

"…and showing up with Luke last night was just a ride. He gave me a ride to the bus lot, Deacon. That's all."

Deacon wrapped his arms around Rayna, and held her as tight as he could for a while without saying anything.

He finally broke the silence…

"I love you so damn much, Ray! Just the thought of you with someone else makes me crazy, and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I don't know why I didn't just take you with me to Natchez."

"There's so much about my past I haven't told you, Ray. So much I wasn't ready to relive."

"Why didn't you call me for those 8 days, Deacon? I was so worried you were hurt, or dead. I begged you in my messages to call me. WHY?"

"Do you know how much it hurt when you called Watty, and not me?"

Deacon's frustration was building. How could he tell her he lost 8 days and didn't remember anything and expect her to understand, when he wasn't even ready to tell her about his childhood.

"ANSWER ME, DEACON!"

"Where were you? Why couldn't you pick up a phone?"

"BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW, RAYNA! I DON'T KNOW WHERE I WAS, OR HOW I GOT THERE. I DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING FOR 8 DAYS. HAPPY NOW, HUH?"

"What do you mean? Nothing? You don't remember anything that whole time? What did you take, or drink?"

Rayna was struggling to comprehend what he was telling her. She knew he had black outs, but 8 days long? How is that even possible?

"After my fight with Bev, and then our fight on the phone, Vince and I went to the funeral home for the pre family viewing. He lost it Rayna. I'd never seen him so upset. It took me 3 hours to get him out of there. He didn't want to leave her."

"Anyway, I remember driving to the nearest bar and then nothing else till 8 days later. I woke up in a shitty hotel room in New Orleans. The only way I figured out the date, or even where we were was a receipt on a pizza box."

"I didn't have my cell phone. It was back at Vince's. By the time I got any of your messages you were pissed, and I didn't know what to tell you. So, I called Watty."

"I'm so sorry for scaring you like that, baby." Deacon was crying, hoping this latest revelation wouldn't send Rayna running again.

"I love you, Ray. I'm back in AA. I'm doing my best. I can't make you unrealistic promises and tell you I'm never gonna slip again, cause I really want a drink right now, even. All I can promise you is that I'm trying."

"That's enough for me Deacon. I love you with all my heart and I'm always going to be here for you, even if we're not together, but right now I just want you back in my life. I've missed you so much. We'll just take it a day at a time, OK?"

"So we're back together?" Deacon smiled.

"Yeah, We're back together."

Deacon pulled Rayna onto his lap for a deep, slow kiss. It felt nice to have her return the gesture.

"You know the crew probably won't be back till the bars shut down. We have the bus to ourselves for at least a couple more hours. What do ya say we test out the shocks on that thing?" Deacon grinned from ear to ear. He was thrilled to have his girl back.

Rayna was just happy to see his gorgeous smile again. She'd missed him so much more than she'd even realized. Before she could stop him, he'd picked her up and carried her back to the bus.

"Deacon, put me down, you're gonna hurt yourself." She'd screamed as he maneuvered the bus steps with her in his arms.

"You don't have to carry me over the threshold. We're not married."

He gently sat her on the bed, and took her hand as he sat next to her.

"Have you ever thought about that, Ray?"

"What, marriage?"

"Yeah, and kids?"

"What's gotten into you, Deacon? In more than 2 years together you've never brought either of those subjects up."

"I know, it's just, I guess, My sister is pregnant, and it kinda made me think about things, ya know? It's a little girl. Maybe after this whole crazy tour we can go down to Natchez and meet her? She's due in September."

"I'd love that, Deacon."

"Are you proposing, Deacon?" she said with a little concern in her voice.

"I'm not sayin we have to get married tomorrow, Ray…just…I dunno….This past month has been so crazy. I've had so many revelations about myself, and my past, and us. I don't ever wanna lose you again, Ray." He was so sincere, and loving, his eyes misting over again.

"I've made so many mistakes in this relationship, Ray. I just wanna make it all right, and make sure you know how much you really mean to me." Tears ran down his cheeks.

Rayna was in a state of shock. Deacon had never even hinted at marriage or kids before. She knew Deacon was the only man for her, and that she wanted a future with him. She just hadn't anticipated that part of it. He sensed her hesitation.

"Too much, too soon, Ray?" he asked, seeing her apprehension.

"It's OK. I understand. I don't blame you for not wanting…" she cut him off with a deep kiss.

"I can't imagine my future with anyone else, Deacon. Since the day we met, I knew you were the love of my life." She smiled and looked into his deep blue eyes.

"So, if you're asking…" Before she could finish, he took her hand, and with tears in his eyes, dropped to one knee.

"Marry me, Rayna?"


	20. Chapter 20

6 weeks had flown by. Rayna couldn't believe they were half way through the tour. Deacon had been amazingly attentive and supportive of her every whim since the night they'd made up, and the impromptu proposal.

Spending this time with Deacon on the road had only made her fall more in love with him. It wasn't always easy living on a bus with 9 men, but Deacon was doing his best to keep everything fun, and lighthearted even in Rayna's diva melt down moments.

They usually had a few hours alone on the bus after shows. Luke, Watty, and the crew normally hit the beer tents or local bars till the early morning hours. Rayna lived for those few hours alone on the bus with Deacon. It had become her favorite part of each day.

Rayna and Deacon both loved their increasing popularity. The fan interaction had taken some getting used to, but they were becoming accustomed to being recognized, requests for pictures, and autographs. Edgehill was still playing up their relationship as part of the promotional blitz leading to the album release.

They had kept their engagement fairly quiet. Only their closest friends knew, including Watty. Rayna wanted to share the happy news with her sister, but she knew Tandy wasn't crazy about Deacon. She was also very aware that her father would completely flip out when the news leaked, and it was only a matter of time.

Tonight the first show of the George Strait portion of the tour would be starting. The Vince Gill shows had mostly been fairs, and smaller venues, but the next 6 weeks would move Rayna and Deacon into a larger spotlight with arena shows.

Rayna awoke to sunlight streaming in, and Deacon missing. She wasn't sure how he'd escaped without her noticing, but assumed he'd found a local AA meeting to attend. She had been extremely tired the past couple of weeks. Sleeping on a moving bus didn't even bother her anymore.

She decided to get up and see what everyone was doing. The driver was sound asleep in front snoring. The man could snore. Rayna and Deacon could sometimes hear him 48 feet away at the back of the bus. Luke and the crew were all sitting at a picnic table playing cards just outside the bus.

"Hey sugar." Luke had shouted as soon as she stepped off the bus.

"Good morning. What's everyone up to so early?" she inquired as she sat down to join the guys.

"Oh nuttin much, just killin time till the big show later with King George." Luke beamed.

"Yeah it is all pretty amazing." Rayna agreed.

"Has anyone seen Deacon or Watty this morning?" asked Rayna.

"Nope, I just assumed Deacon was still in there with you. I sure as hell wouldn't be anywhere else if I could wake up next to you." Luke smiled.

"He snuck out this morning. Usually I hear him if he gets up. Guess I'm just overly tired after 6 weeks on the road."

"Well it's been a hell of a ride." Luke joked.

"Yeah, I'm actually pretty nervous about meeting George Strait today. Feeling a little queezy even. Think I'm gonna have some toast, shower, and lay back down for a bit. Would you tell Deacon to wake me when he comes back?"

"Sure thing, sugar. You holler if you need anything." Offered Luke.

Deacon had snuck away from Rayna early, not for an AA meeting, but to buy her an engagement ring. He had taken Watty with him for advice.

"Are you going to propose again." Asked Watty as they browsed rings at a downtown Indianapolis jewelry store.

"Yeah, but I want to do something special. I'm havin a hard time comin up with somethin. Any ideas?"

"Do you want it public, or private?" asked Watty.

"I know the whole publicity thing is big for us right now, but some things are sacred. Obviously, once Rayna's wearing my ring the press will notice, but I think I want the proposal semi private you know?"

"Maybe King George can help me out a little." Laughed Deacon

A couple hours later Deacon was back on the bus.

"Where's Rayna?" he asked Luke as he climbed the steps

"Oh she wasn't feeling good. She got up once, but went back to bed."

Deacon quietly opened the door, and slid back into bed next to Rayna.

"Hey baby, you don't look too good, and you're warm, you OK?" he asked as he took Rayna in his arms and kissed her forehead.

"I don't know. I'm just really queezy. I thought it was nerves about tonight, but maybe I'm coming down with something." She answered.

"Why don't you just rest until the show. I'll leave you alone."

"No, Deacon, stay, please. Just hold me." she pleaded as she tightened her hold around him.

"OK, You talked me into it. I'm not going anywhere."

Rayna had been asleep in his arms for almost an hour. He hated to get up, but he couldn't feel his left hand and he really had to pee. Deacon slowly slipped away from Rayna's grasp, careful not to wake her.

Sweating, and nauseous Rayna was still the prettiest girl he'd ever laid eyes on, and she was his. Amazing how life changes overnight. 6 weeks ago he was sure he'd lost her.

The wheels in his mind had been turning the past hour as he'd lain watching his beautiful fiancé sleep. He had a plan for his official proposal later tonight.

The guys and Watty were still around a picnic table outside the bus as Deacon decended the steps.

"Hey, How's Rayna?" asked Watty

"Still not feeling great, but she's out like a light right now. Hopin like hell she feels well enough for the show later." Deacon worriedly said

"Yeah, poor kid." Watty agreed

"On a more positive note, I just talked to Edgehill. No One Will Ever Love You Is #3 in the top 40, and climbing. The powers that be over at Edgehill are absolutely thrilled. I think you've made it." Watty beamed as he gave Deacon the news.

"Wow, that is unbelievable. Rayna is gonna be over the moon. Thank you Watty for everything, but mostly for making my baby's dreams come true."

"Oh I think you've helped make a few of them come true yourself lately, Deke. I'm so proud of both of you." Watty beamed with pride. Rayna and Deacon were the closest he had to family, and he felt a fatherly pull towards them.

"I have a few calls to make for tonight." Deacon said as he turned to walk away for a little privacy

"Oh…one more thing…George Strait's plane just landed. He'd like to meet you and Rayna for dinner before the show." Watty smiled at Deacon

"Yeah, yeah, Rayna will be thrilled. I doubt even bein sick will stop her from that."

Deacon slipped away overwhelmed with emotion. He hadn't really wanted any of this, but he knew Rayna's wildest dreams were happening before his eyes, and he was thrilled to be part of it.

Now on to set his own plans for Rayna into motion. He had the ring. Now he just needed the location for tonight's official proposal.

They would be in Indianapolis for a couple days. The first George Strait show had sold out within an hour and a half. A second show for the following night had been scheduled last minute and also sold out within a couple hours.

He'd noticed some of the hotels had balconies on high floors facing the stadium. He crossed the street to a little coffee shop and asked for a phone book. He began calling some of the names on the high rise hotels nearby, but was quickly disappointed that most were sold out with King George in town for the next 2 nights. On the 5th call he finally struck gold.

"Yeah, I'm looking for a room for the next two nights?" Deacon said as a polite woman answered

"We don't have any basic rooms or suites available, but we did just have a cancelation for the pent house." The woman said

"The pent house? OK, are there stadium views and balcony, hot tub?" Deacon asked

"Yes, absolutely sir. All of that and more. 24/7 room service, valet, laundry, fully stocked in room bar. Anything you want within reason would be our pleasure, sir."

"…and what's this gonna run me?"

"$2600 per night, sir" the woman said as Deacon cringed. He hadn't paid that for his first truck, but he might as well get used to it. Things were changing, and Rayna was worth every penny. He was happy he'd taken that high credit limit card the bank had offered when he deposited Rosa's inheritance money. Today had been a doozey between the ring and now over $5000 on a hotel room.

"OK, I'll take it for the next two nights." Deacon said as he pulled his platinum visa from his wallet.

Deacon thanked the woman at the café counter for the phonebook, and ordered a couple large coffee's. Rayna should be awake by now, and loved her strong, black, liquid fix.

Rayna was still in the bedroom as he climbed back on the bus. He slowly opened the bedroom door, not sure of what to expect. Being trapped on a bus with 9 men had taken its toll on Rayna at times. In the past few weeks her moods had become more sporadic, and poor Deacon was usually the target of falling mood swings. She was awake, but still laying on the bed.

"Hey, baby…How are you feeling?" Deacon sweetly asked as he entered with the coffee

"Oh coffee, you're amazing, babe. Read my mind. I was just craving that." Rayna reached for the warm cup as Deacon sat next to her and brushed her hair away from her face.

"You look a little better."

"Yeah, the headache is still a here, but kind dull now, and the nausea is gone. That extra couple hours of sleep helped, but the guys outside were a little loud with their card game."

"Well, you won't need to worry about the guys for the next couple of nights."

"Why, what's going on, Deacon?" she asked kinda concerned. He'd been a little secretive today with disappearing early this morning, and whatever he'd been doing the past couple hours.

"Pack a bag for a couple days, Ray." He told her as he started packing his own bag

"Deacon, we have 2 shows to do, we can't just lea….." she began to whine as he pulled her into his arms, cutting her off with a deep kiss. She planted a few kisses on his chest. The top 4 buttons of his shirt were open and his cologne smelled so good. She couldn't resist him as she opened a few more buttons.

"Hold that thought for just a little bit, Ray…C'mon…pack." He told her as he pulled away from a deep kiss, and began buttoning his shirt.

"Are you rejecting me, Deacon?" she gave him her best pouty look

"Baby I could be on my death bed, and I doubt I'd ever reject YOU, just humor me…PLEASE…for just a little bit. Pack!" he said forcefully enough to get her attention.

30 minutes later they were walking into the lobby of the Omni Severin hotel directly across from the stadium. Deacon signed in at the front desk. A bell hop appeared to take their bags.

"What in the world are we doing, Deacon?"

"Well, I figured we could use some privacy, and we actually have 2 days in the same place for a change, and you're not feeling the best. You could use some pampering." He smiled as he opened the penthouse door for Rayna.

"Babe, this is too much…" she was overwhelmed as she took in the balcony view of the stadium, and the large luxury hot tub

Deacon hadn't missed the fully stocked bar in the corner. He glanced that direction. Rayna noticed and squeezed his hand.

"Damn demons, even in my best moments, it's still there in the back of my mind, Ray. I'm sorry." He pulled away and walked out on the balcony for some fresh air.

"Deacon, it's OK. We can ask them to remove the bar if you want?" she said as she wrapped her arms around him from behind

"No, Ray. I need to learn to deal with this. In this business, the parities, the bars, the hotels. It's always gonna be there."

"I could however, use a distraction…where were we on that bus a little while ago?" he playfully pulled her into his arms and shuffled her back into the room.

"Pick you're poison…you want me in the tub, or in that huge bed?…." Deacon smirked as he pulled Rayna on top of him on the bed.

"Oh my gosh. This bed feels like heaven after 6 weeks on that bus! How did I ever get so lucky to find you, babe?" Rayna stared into Deacon's eyes as he leaned in for a kiss

"I'm the lucky one, baby. Thank you for loving me more than I deserve."

Deacon spent the next couple hours pampering Rayna from head to toe. They soaked in the hot tub, slippery and wet, making love, with luxury oils between them. After drying off, he carried her to the bed and massaged lotion all over her body. He even painted her toe nails, and didn't do half bad.

"What's gotten into you, Deacon?" Rayna asked as he finished her toenails

"What do you mean, Ray?"

"The past 6 weeks you've just completely disarmed me. I thought I couldn't love you anymore than I already did, but you just keep surprising me."

"I guess I figure I owe you after all you've loved me through, Ray."

Deacon's phone rang on the nightstand

"Where the hell are you guys?" an irritated Watty said as soon as Deacon picked up

"We checked into the Omni across the street for a couple nights, Wat."

"OK, well…are you planning to show up for sound check?"

"Oh shit…it's after 4pm. We'll be right there, Wat"

"Don't forget George Strait invited you and Rayan to dinner at 6, but since you're staying at his hotel that should be easy enough to meet him downstairs in the Omni restaurant." Said Watty impressed with Deacon's choice of lodging.

"Oh yeah I forgot to tell Rayna about that"

"Tell me what." Rayna perked up from across the room as she rushed to dress

"Oh and Deacon…earlier "No One Will Ever Love You" was at number 3. You're number One now!" Watty excitedly said as Deacon grinned

"Thanks Wat! That's amazing. I'll fill Rayna in on the way over. She'll be thrilled."

"What will I be thrilled about?"

"I'll tell you on the way…we're late…" Deacon said as he grabbed Rayna's hand and pulled her out the door

"First of all…We are NUMBER ONE on the country charts right now!" Deacon could hardly contain his excitement. Rayna had never seen him so happy

"OH MY GOD!" Rayna shrieked as they raced across the street towards the stadium for sound check

"and …after sound check…George himself has requested we join him for dinner. What do you think of that Miss Jaymes?" Deacon smiled

Rayna didn't say a word. She was so overcome with everything that was happening.

"Ray…RAY? You OK?"

"Yeah…just trying to take it all in…it's…."she was cut off by a huge crowd gathering

Just as they reached the back artists entry for the stadium, they were swarmed by a waiting crowd. "Oh my god. It's Rayna and Deacon." A woman yelled. Before they could even react, a flurry of camera flashes went off, and people were asking for autographs. Deacon pulled Rayna through the crowd behind him to shield her from the mass of people. They finally got inside the back doors.

"Wow…that was crazy. Our first major fan encounter. You sure you're ready for all this, Ray?"

"Kinda late now, Deacon. It's here, ready or not!'

"I think we need to talk to Watty and Edgehill about some security soon. I don't want you going out anywhere alone, Ray. People get crazy."

Sound check went well. Watty called Edgehill and had an armed security guard waiting to take Rayna and Deacon back to the Omni for dinner with George Strait.

Dinner with George was an amazing experience as well. He congratulated them on their first number one. Admitted he was a huge fan OF THEIRS!

He also kind of gave them some idea of what to expect as super stardom loomed, and some advice for dealing with it. He had said the most important thing was to not lose sight of each other and where it all began.

It's so easy in this business to let it all go to your head and before you know it lose everyone that really means something to you. Deacon had pulled George aside towards the end of dinner for a conversation she wasn't privy to. She was curious, but let it go.

The show was mind blowing. Rayna and Deacon had never experience the kind of energy a crowd of 70,000 generates. It was still all so surreal.

They had awoken this morning on a tour bus as nobody's, and now that their song had gone to number one it seemed everywhere they went people knew them, and wanted to take pictures, get autographs and simply talk to them. It was all so overwhelming.

After the show their new security detail shuffled them back to the Omni amid more screaming fans, and gave them a number to call to have someone from the security team there within minutes if they needed to go anywhere.

"Wow..THAT WAS CRAZY!" Deacon said as he closed the door.

"You OK, Ray?" he asked as Rayna seemed to be in a daze.

"Yeah, babe…I just…I guess I wanted this, but now that it's happening I'm realizing how much life is really going to change." She said a little shaken by the newfound fame

"Look, Ray..if it's too much…We'll just stop, OK? Eventually things will die down. Right now with the 2 shows so close to here and all the George fans it's gonna be crazy. The rest of this tour is gonna be crazy, but you got me. I'm right here every step of the way, OK?" Deacon seemed so confident.

"Now..the rest of tonight is just about US, OK?" Deacon said as he lead her out to the balcony facing the stadium.

George Strait was just taking the stage after the intermission. The huge crowd was going wild again. They couldn't see a whole lot from the hotel balcony, but they could hear everything going on in the stadium as the small speck that was George, wowed the crowd .

He ran through his playlist, some old, some new…

Amarillo by Morning

You Look So Good In Love "you really do" Deacon whispered to Rayna

Carrying your love with me

Love Without End Amen "I hope this never ends" Rayna said as she squeezed Deacon's hand

I Cross My Heart …this was the one Deacon had been waiting for. He had asked George for a BIG favor

"How is everyone tonight?" George addressed the crowd to a thunderous response

"I'd like to take a minute to congratulate my openers tonight Rayna and Deacon on their very first number one song "No One Will Ever Love You"

"Expect great things from these two. They are both amazingly talented and I for one can't wait to see where their careers in country music lead." The crowd went crazy again

"Deacon asked me for a little favor earlier" Rayna looked at Deacon grinning next to her

"What did you do, Deacon?" Rayna shot a look Deacons direction

"Just listen, OK sweetheart?" he was grinning like an idiot, but Rayna thought he was adorable in that moment

"My next song is "I cross my heart" and tonight this one goes out to Rayna from Deacon."

**George Strait**

Our love is unconditional  
>We knew it from the start<br>I can see it in your eyes  
>You can feel it from my heart<p>

From here on after  
>Let's stay the way we are right now<br>And share all the love and laughter  
>That a lifetime will allow.<p>

I cross my heart  
>And promise to<br>Give all I've got to give  
>To make all your dreams come true<br>In all the world  
>You'll never find<br>A love as true as mine

You will always be the miracle  
>That makes my life complete<br>And as long as there's a breath in me  
>I'll make yours just as sweet<p>

As we look into the future  
>It's as far as we can see<br>So let's make each tomorrow  
>Be the best that it can be<p>

I cross my heart  
>And promise to<br>Give all I've got to give  
>To make all your dreams come true<br>In all the world  
>You'll never find<br>A love as true as mine

And if along the way we find a day  
>It starts to storm<br>You've got the promise of my love  
>To keep you warm<p>

In all the world  
>You'll never find<br>A love as true as mine  
>A love as true as mine<p>

As George finished the song to another thunderous roar from the crowd, Deacon dropped to one knee again like he had 6 weeks earlier, but this time he pulled a box from is shirt pocket, and this time there was no doubt. He was officially proposing.

"Ray…I wanna make this official. I figured you deserve a better proposal than the unplanned one at the back of a bus and no ring. So…"

"Miss Rayna Jaymes Wyatt…Will you marry me?"

"Yes, Deacon. I will marry you. I would love nothing more than to become Mrs. Deacon Paul Claybourne." She beamed as Deacon slid the ring on her finger

The crowd was still going crazy across the street

"I think we might wanna check Rayna's left hand at tomorrow's show. She may have acquired some new jewelry tonight." George laughed as the applause slowly faded and then roared again at the news about country's newest power couple

"Congratulations Rayna and Deacon!" George gave his sentiments as he continued his show

"Well…it's official, you're stuck now!" Deacon laughed as Rayna wiped happy tears away and wrapped her arms around his neck.

"You happy?" he asked

"Yeah, I'm happy."


	21. Chapter 21

As the tour came to its final weeks, Deacon and Rayna began to discuss what they wanted to do when they returned to Nashville. Both agreed they wanted to buy a house outside the city to just relax alone for a while.

The new fame and all that came along with it was nice, but they both felt like some serious alone time away from cameras, autographs, paparazzi, and screaming fans sounded heavenly.

Life in the spotlight had really taken off the night of the first George Strait show. Their engagement had only intensified things. Everyone wanted to see the ring, and ask about wedding plans.

Rayna was excited about planning the wedding. She was thinking a spring of 1993, possibly May wedding date would be perfect. They both agreed on a smaller wedding.

Rayna wanted her father and sister there even if they weren't happy about the upcoming nuptials. Deacon had also said he wanted his mother and sister in attendance even if Bev could be difficult at times. Rayna couldn't deny Deacon his best friend, and most likely best man on that day, Vince!

Deacon had repeatedly tried to call Vince to share the wedding news, and ask if he'd be his best man. He never got an answer. He'd left several unreturned messages. Eventually an automated message simply said the mailbox was full. The last attempt he'd found the number disconnected entirely.

Rayna felt bad for Deacon. She knew he was worried about Vince. He didn't say much. Vince was still a touchy subject between them, and fighting was the last thing either of them wanted to do.

Deacon and Rayna had been staying in hotels at most of the stops lately for security reasons. They were both happy to be off the bus and alone a little more these days, although Rayna still wasn't feeling the best.

They were at a hotel in Springfield Illinois late one night after a show at the state fair. Deacon was in the shower. Rayna was browsing bridal magazines, when Deacon's phone rang on the night stand.

"Babe, you're phone is ringing."

"Get it, will ya sweetie! It might be Vince!" He'd yelled from the bathroom.

"Hello."

"Rayna?"

"Yes."

"Is Deacon around? This is Frannie."

"Oh Deacon's mom. So nice to finally talk to you. Yes, he's in the shower."

"Well, I just wanted to tell him he's an uncle. Bev had a little girl a couple hours ago."

"I'm so happy for her, and you! Congratulations Grandma!" Rayna said as Deacon emerged from the bathroom.

"Here's Deacon."

"Congratulations uncle Deacon!" Rayna said as she handed him the phone.

'Hey, mom, so she had the baby?"

"Yes, Deke, Scarlett Fran O'Connor arrived around 10pm tonight. She's 6lbs 2oz, 19inches long and absolutely beautiful."

"Well good. Glad to hear everything went well. So Bev's OK too?"

"Yeah, she did good. A little tired now, but other than that both mom and baby are doing good."

"…and what about the O'Connor part? I thought there was no baby daddy. Just assumed my niece would be a Claybourne."

"Well, yeah, about that…Lester found out Bev was pregnant, and came back to town. They're talking about getting married. We may have 2 Claybourne weddings soon."

"OK, mom. Tell Bev and baby Scarlett I love them. This tour is just about done. We'll be back in Nashville late next week. We'll try to plan a trip down to meet Scarlett."

"That would be great Deke. I can't wait to meet Rayna and hear all about the tour. So happy for you guys. You're all over country music news, and the tabloids."

"OK, mom. Love you. Bye."

"I'm an uncle." Deacon said beaming as he hung up

"…and you're an aunt." He said as he looked across the bed at Rayna

"Awe…congratulations babe. Can't wait to meet little Scarlett. We are gonna spoil her rotten when we go down to meet her." Rayna smiled

"I know we're just comin off the road and all next week, and we're gonna look at houses, and plan a wedding, but would you mind too much if we just relax at the apartment for a few days, kind put things on hold, and then take a quick trip to Natchez?" Deacon asked Rayna

"How long do you wanna put things on hold?" Rayna asked with concern in her voice

"Not us baby. I don't mean…" Deacon was visibly shaken

Rayna moved to his side of the bed.

"What's wrong Deacon?"

"Nothin with us, sweetheart. I wanna buy that house together, and I wanna marry you next Spring. I just wanna take a couple days to relax at home with you, and then both of us take a trip to Natchez to meet Scarlett….." his voice trailed off

"…and…" Rayna asked concerned again

"Vince, OK Ray? I need to check on Vince. I haven't heard from him since June. It's been over 3 months." He cautiously said

"OK, baby. We'll go soon. I'm sure he's fine. He's just being Vince." She said it a little more vehemently than intended

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?" Deacon shot back

Rayna sighed. She and Deacon hadn't had a fight since the day the tour began almost 3 months ago. Vince was a hot button subject, sure to cause one every time he came up. It had been that way since Rayna forced Deacon to kick him out of the apartment. Deep down she knew Deacon still had some resentment towards her over it, but they'd kinda just avoided the subject…until now

"It doesn't MEAN anything, Deacon! Let's just watch TV, OK?" she tried to smooth things over

"No, Ray…if you got somethin to say about Vince…JUST SAY IT!"

***silence*** Rayna was trying to choose her words carefully. Deacon was clearly upset with her, and she really didn't want to fight, but she needed to say some things.

"Maybe it's time to cut Vince loose Deacon? He's an adult. He doesn't want help with his drinking. The only time he really seems to need you is for bail money."

"HE'S MY BEST FRIEND RAYNA!" Deacon was raising his voice now

"I know he is, babe, but he's been nothing but trouble for you. That whole Nachez trip…"

"Alright you stop right there! He didn't pour Jack down my throat, RAYNA! I made the choice to drink, not Vince."

"OK, babe, look, can we just drop it?" she tried to wrap her arms around his waist, but he pushed her away

"NO RAYNA! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND. I LOVE HIM LIKE A BROTHER. HE AND HIS MAMA WERE ALL I HAD GROWING UP, AND I'M GONNA TURN MY BACK ON HIM FOR ANYONE…INCLUDING YOU!"

"Deacon, please…I didn't mean…"

Before she could stop him, Deacon was dressed, boots on, grabbed his cell phone and wallet off the night stand and was headed towards the door.

"Where are you going? It's after midnight, Deacon" she asked calmly

"I need some fresh air. Gonna take a walk, and think about things. That alright with you?" he asked sarcastically, as if her answer mattered, and slammed the door on his way out.

He walked several blocks contemplating life, and everything that had happened the past few months. He knew he loved Rayna unconditionally, even when he was pissed off at her, but he wasn't gonna turn his back on Vince for her.

He couldn't believe she'd really expect him to. Vince needed help. He needed rehab, but Deacon wasn't sure how to convince him, assuming he could even find him once they got to Natchez.

He kept walking, trying to clear his mind. He walked past several bars. The last of the beer tent patrons were stumbling off the fairgrounds and into local watering holes. He knew the guys from the band and the road crew were probably in one of them.

He wished like hell he didn't have this alcoholic monkey on his back all the time. He'd love to be able to walk into a bar, just for a drink, one drink to take the edge off a bad day, or a fight with Rayna, but he knew he wouldn't be able to stop with one. He kept walking.

He thought about his future with Rayna. He still couldn't believe she said yes. He'd never pictured himself as the marriage type. He still wasn't sure what prompted him to propose that night on the bus a couple months ago.

Maybe it was the fear of losing Rayna? He was miserable that few weeks after the Natchez trip living alone in a cheap hotel. Her note asking him to move out felt like a knife through his heart. Seeing the hurt and disappointment in her eyes that morning at the 1st rehearsal had killed him. He never wanted to hurt her like that again.

He wished Vince could find someone like Rayna. Someone to love enough to stay sober for. Someone that would love him back enough to be there even if he slipped and screwed up a few times like Rayna had done with him.

"What the hell am I doing wandering the streets of a strange town at 2am? The love of my life is laying alone in a hotel bed, probably worried sick about me." He thought as he walked back towards the hotel

The room was dark as he quietly opened the door. He was surprised Rayna was asleep, but she had been awfully tired lately. He was actually getting kind of worried about the headaches, nausea, and exhaustion. It seemed to be lingering even when Rayna got enough sleep.

He undressed and quietly went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and freshen up for bed. Rayna had written a note on the mirror in lip stick.

_I'm sorry, babe_

_You're right ;)_

_Vince needs us_

_Love you_

_R_

He slipped between the sheets and curved himself around Rayna. He pulled her close, and buried his face in her hair.

"I'm sorry too. I love you, Ray." He whispered

"You're back. I missed you." Rayna mumbled as she quickly drifted back to sleep in his arms

Deacon was sound asleep and snoring when Rayna woke up the next morning. She was sick again. She had hoped this would pass, and was just a result of being overly tired, but as it lingered she couldn't deny she was getting worried.

She was also late. She hadn't had a period since they'd been on tour, and was normally like clockwork every month. Luckily Deacon had been too distracted to notice that part anyway.

Rayna had noticed a drug store just down the street. She could ask Watty to get her a pregnancy test, but she wanted to keep it quiet until she knew for sure. She really didn't want to be spotted by fans or media buying a pregnancy test.

It was early. She figured not many people would be out yet. She put her hair up, put on Deacon's baseball cap pulled low on her face, and one of his denim shirts, as she quietly slipped out the door. She hoped to get back before Deacon woke up.

No such luck! 25 minutes later when she walked back into the hotel room, he was awake and sitting at the desk.

"Well that's a new look." He laughed

"Where the hell you been, Ray? I thought we talked about going out alone?"

"No one recognized me, Deacon."

"What was so important?" he asked as he looked at the paper bag she held

There was no point in trying to hide it from him. She was pretty sure the test result would be positive. Deacon's reaction, however, was another story. She pulled the test from the bag. Deacon went white as the hotel sheets.

"How…why…I thought you were on the pill, Rayna?"

"I am, but I may have missed one, or two…..or six days." She cringed as she admitted it

"6 days? You forgot the damn pill for 6 days? Deacon was not happy

"Rayna, How could you just forget to…" he stopped as she started to cry

"I'm sorry, Deacon. I just…with the tour, and being off schedule, and living from a suitcase…" her voice cracked as tears ran down her cheeks

"OK, relax. We don't know for sure." Deacon tried to smooth things over a little, but he was visibly shaken himself

"Just take the damn test, Ray!"

5 minutes later Rayna emerged from the bathroom holding a stick with a plus sign clearly visible. Deacon took a deep breath, and slowly blew it back out, as he sat with his face in his hands.

"Say something, Deacon, Please?" Rayna pleaded through tears

"What the hell you want me to say, Ray?"

"I'm not ready for this!" He admitted

"How far along do you think you are?"

"I don't know, Deacon. I haven't had a period since we left Nashville."

"Since we left Nashville? Jesus Rayna, and you're just now telling me this?" he was pacing the room now

"Well…I'm sorry babe. I just..I was hoping it was just exhaustion, and not being on much of a schedule, and all the junk food…you know, and I am on the pill soooo…"

"Yeah, well, when you miss the pill for 6 damn days Rayna it's not as fuckin effective." He barked as he continued to pace

"How the fuck could you let this happen, Ray?"

"Oh so it's ALL MY fault, Deacon? I think you had a little hand in this too!" she shouted back

"I thought you were taking the pill, and we were covered, or I SURE AS HELL WOULD HAVE WORN A DAMN CONDOM!"

"Don't yell at me, Deacon!" Rayna started to cry

"What the hell are we gonna do, Ray? I'm not ready for this." He softened a bit at the sight of Rayna's tears

"I guess I need to find a doctor, in the next town we stop, and find out how far along I am. It's gotta be maybe a couple months."

Deacon's phone rang on the desk

"Hey, you guys about ready to head out? We've got a long haul to Denver." Watty asked as Deacon picked up

"Uhhh, yeah, Wat…give us about 30 minutes, OK?"

"Everything alright? You sound kinda upset, Deke." Asked the older gentleman

"Fine, Wat..we're good. See you on the bus in 30."

Rayna was heatedly throwing items into a bag in the bathroom when Deacon walked in to get his things. She pushed past him to pack her suitcase. He came out to find her sobbing on the bed. He took a deep breath. As angry as he was over the birth control mix up, he hated to see her cry. He sat next to her and put a reassuring arm around her.

"I'm sorry, Deacon." She sobbed harder as he pulled her into an embrace and kissed her forehead

"Shhhh….don't cry, Ray. We've got a couple days in Denver. We'll find a doctor, and see where we are with this, OK?"

"C'mon Ray. You gotta pull yourself together before we get on that bus. We need to keep this between us for now, alright?

"You're right. I'm sorry." As she tried to pull it together, Deacon brushed tears from her cheeks and smiled. She was so damn beautiful.

They finished packing and headed downstairs. Breakfast was being served off the lobby area. Deacon pulled Rayna to a table and sat her down, as she protested.

"Deacon, I'm not hungry! I'm nauseous as hell. Let's just get on the damn bus!" she bitched as she tried to get up, and away from him.

"Ray, you need to eat, and take of yourself, and OUR baby." He demanded as he pulled her back down

"Sit, DAMMIT. What do you want? I'll get you a plate." He asked

"Surprise me, I'm NOT hungry, Deacon!"

He came back with a plate full of everything. They ate without saying another word to each other. Rayna was surprised she did actually feel a lot better with a full stomach. Deacon gathered their bags and offered a hand to help Rayna up.

He could be so nurturing and caring at times, even when he was angry. She realized how far they'd really come as a couple in the past few months.

In the past their fights usually ended in someone walking out, breaking up, making up, yelling, screaming, but they'd had 2 major disagreements since last night. The whole Vince blow up, and now the unplanned pregnancy.

The conversations had become heated both times, and Deacon did take a walk to cool off, after the Vince argument, but no one threatened to end the relationship. Deacon kept his temper pretty well in check, and both had apologized with little effort.

Deacon loaded their luggage into the undercarriage compartment, and turned to help Rayna maneuver the large steps onto the bus, but before letting her go up the steps he pulled her back to him.

"Hey…it's gonna be OK. I promise. I love you, Ray." He whispered as he planted a gentle kiss on her lips and brushed his hand across her belly

"I love you too, Deacon. I knew it was gonna be OK as soon as you said OUR baby."


	22. Chapter 22

Two days later Deacon and Rayna were driving to a doctor's appointment in Denver Colorado. Deacon had rented a car for the day. They told their band members they simply wanted to take a drive in the mountains, and check out the local scenery.

Rayna hadn't felt well since leaving Illinois. The 14 hour bus ride to Denver had been miserable for her. Deacon felt so sorry for her as he held her red locks while she puked into a waste basket.

He knew bouncing down the interstate in a bus wasn't helping.

"Just a few more shows, baby. Next week we'll be home, and off this damn bus." He tried to reassure her

"Probably kinda how you felt watching me puke all those times after a night of drinking, huh?" he laughed

"Don't think so, Deke! I didn't feel bad for you. You did it to yourself, and deserved it."

"That's kinda cold, Ray. I'm hurt. Those pregnancy hormones are makin you mean!" He joked

They sat in a waiting room surrounded by other expectant mothers, as toddlers played nearby. Deacon watched the kids intently as they played. He'd never been around children.

Rayna had done quite a lot of babysitting for her father's business acquaintances. She also did it to make money as she plotted her escape from Lamar, to pursue her musical dreams.

"Miss Rayna Wyatt? The doctor will see you now." A chubby blonde nurse called from an open door leading back to the exam rooms

Rayna and Deacon were taken to the back, where Rayna was weighed and shown to a private exam room.

"OK, I need to get your weight?" the blonde nurse said as she pointed Rayna towards a scale and noted the reading

She escorted Rayna and Deacon to an exam room where she took Rayna's blood pressure, temperature, and began a list of questions for the doctor to look over.

"OK, I have everything I need. Put this on. The doctor will be with you shortly." She said as she handed Rayna a hospital gown.

10 minutes later Dr. Redmond came in.

"Hi there Miss Wyatt, and Mr…"

"Claybourne." Deacon said as he shook the Dr's hand

"So is this your first?"

"Yes." They both answered

"Congratulations. Nothing quite as special as the first born." Said the Dr. as he started a physical exam of Rayna's abdomen.

"How far along did you say you think you are?" he asked

"I'm guessing a couple months, maybe." Rayna said

"OK, well I'm gonna go ahead and do an ultrasound today. I think you're a little further than 8 weeks"

A nurse came in with the machine, and the doctor rubbed some cold gel over Rayna's belly. The black and white image of a baby popped up on the screen as the doctor moved the handheld device over Rayna's stomach.

Deacon was fixated on the screen as he squeezed Rayna's hand.

"OK, if you look here you can see the arms and legs moving, and even a little smile on the face." Said the doctor as he pointed out what they were looking at.

"Can you tell if it's a boy or girl, doc?" asked Deacon

"Not yet. It's a little too soon, but in about a month we should be able to see that around the 16th week. I'd say you're around 12 wks now" he said as he continued to point out things on the ultrasound image.

"Here's the tiny heart beating. Looks good, and strong." The doctor said

Deacon swallowed a lump in his throat. He hadn't expected to feel so emotional, or see so much so soon. This little person was already so much a part of them, and he'd only known a couple days. He was fighting back tears as he watched the first glimpses of HIS baby on the monitor.

"OK, I'll print you a couple pictures to share with friends and loved ones."

"Like I said, I'm estimating you at 12 weeks, so your due date is …give me a second while the computer generates the information. March 31st! You probably conceived around June 27thor 28th."

"The second night of the tour." Deacon said as he smiled at Rayna

"The night we got back together." Rayna squeezed his hand

"OK, any questions?" asked the doctor as he handed them the pictures

"No I think we're good. Thanks for getting us in so quick, Doc."

20 minutes later they were sitting back in the rental car in a downtown Denver parking deck.

"Are you OK, Deacon?"

"Yeah, yeah…I just didn't expect to feel this way so quick, Ray. I mean, I knew I'd love my kid, but it just seems so real after seeing him move, and smile, ya know?" he was close to tears again.

"I know. It's pretty amazing to think that in 6 months we're gonna have a baby."

"I'm sorry for bein such a jackass the morning you told me, Ray." Deacon apologized as his eyes misted over again.

"I was scared. Hell I'm still terrified, I'm gonna fuck this up, Ray."

"Deacon, you're a sweet, loving, caring man. You're going to be an amazing father and husband."

He squeezed Rayna's hand and tried to smile. He had so many doubts, and fears. He wasn't sure how to process being so happy, but so scared at the same time.

"I haven't told you much about my childhood, but it wasn't good. My dad was a mean, bitter, drunk. He didn't give a damn about my mom or us kids."

"Deacon, it was a long time ago, and you're NOT him, OK?"

"Where is your dad, Deacon? You've never really said much about him, and I know he's not with your mom and Bev."

"He's been dead 5 years. Drunk driving accident. His fault. He killed a family of 4 that night, along with himself."

"I'm soo sorry, Deacon. I had no idea."

"Don't be sorry, Ray. I'm sure as hell not sorry that son of a bitch is dead. I'm sorry he took 4 innocent people with him, but I'll NEVER be sorry John Deacon Claybourne is 6 feet under."

"Deacon, he was still your father. There has to be something good you remember about him?"

"There's not, Ray. As far back as I can remember he was a self-centered, hateful waste of a human. I have no idea how my mamma ever cared about him, much less loved him."

"There had to be something, at some point, Deacon."

"There wasn't, Rayna. There were no Christmas's, or birthdays, or any happy occasions in the Claybourne house. I don't remember JD ever coming to a school function, or sports event. I never heard him say he loved me, or was proud of me for anything."

Rayna wanted to just hold Deacon and take away all the years of pain he'd suffered as a child. JD made Lamar seem like a saint.

"I don't want this baby to ever feel unloved, or unwanted, Ray." Deacon said with tears in his eyes.

"I know my first reaction wasn't happy, but I love him so much already, Ray."

"He's gonna know that ALWAYS." Deacon had his hand on Rayna's belly

The baby kicked for the first time. A real kick. Rayna had felt little flutters, but time was a strong noticeable kick that Deacon felt too. Deacon's face lit up with such happiness.

"Was that…."

"Yeah, the first real kick. I think he hears you. He already knows you love him, Deacon."

"I don't wanna wait till Spring to get married, Ray. We're gonna have to make a statement to the press soon about the baby. I'd really like to be married when we do that."

"That's awfully quick, Deacon. Are you sure?"

"Yeah, Ray. I know we talked about a small formal ceremony in Nashville, but do you really need that?"

"I'm not sayin…I mean…if you really want the whole white dress, monkey suit, cake, family drama big blow out with reception and all the formalities we'll do it, Ray. I just…" before he could say anymore Rayna was in his arms kissing him deeply.

"I don't need any of that, Deacon. I just need you." She said as she slowly pulled away from his lingering kiss

"Besides, between my family and yours there was bound to be drama." She laughed

"Are you sure, baby? I know weddings are every girls dream, and I don't wanna take any part of the fairy tale away from you."

"Deacon, my fairy tale already came true. He wasn't a shining knight, in armor, on a white horse. He was a broke bartender, in denim and boots, sitting on the tailgate of an old blue Chevy." She laughed

"I never thought you'd even go out with me that night, Ray." He smiled at the memory

"I was beginning to think you weren't gonna ask. It took me a week of shameless flirting after that night to get you to ask." She smiled

"…but I've been yours since that night, Deacon. I don't care how, when, or where we get married. I just need you. We'll deal with the rest later. I'm sure my sister is not gonna be happy if we elope, but it doesn't matter. She'll get over it."

"So, you really wanna do this, Ray?"

"Yes"

"OK, why don't we go get a marriage license, pick out some rings, have some lunch…." He said as he started the rental car, and pulled away from the parking garage.

"Do you just wanna go to the courthouse tomorrow, Deacon?"

"I think we can do a little better than that, Ray. How about we find a secluded little chapel in the mountains. We can take Watty, and the guys if you want?"

"That sounds nice, Deacon…there is one thing… I'd kinda like us to be dressed up, for pictures, you know. The baby might want pictures of his mom and dad on their wedding day, someday?"

"OK, it's still early…we have time before tonight's show. We'll find a formal shop for clothes. Maybe there's a mall around here. We'll get the rings and clothes all in one place."

5 hours later Deacon and Rayna arrived back at the bus, wedding rings, and clothes in bags as they climbed the steps. They had filed for a marriage license, and set up a chapel in the lower rockies just outside Denver for 10am the next day.

Watty, Luke, and the crew were sitting around the living room area on the bus.

"We kinda have a little announcement to make." Deacon began as the guys stopped and stared

"Ahhhh…well…you all know we made our engagement official 6 weeks ago, but we decided to go ahead and tie the knot tomorrow." Deacon continued to the shocked group.

"Watty, would you walk me down the isle and give me away? You've been like a father to me since mama's death and…" Rayna asked voice cracking thinking of her mom, and not being able to share her wedding day with her.

"Sure, I'd love to kiddo. I know your mama is watching from heaven, and I'm sure she approves of this guy." Watty smiled as he shook Deacon's hand.

"I could use a best man. What do ya say Wheels Up? You up for the challenge?" asked Deacon

"Yeah, yeah. Sure man…" Luke agreed as he half- heartedly shook Deacon's hand. They had all become close in the 3 months traveling together. Luke liked Deacon, but deep down he had hoped for a chance with Rayna himself.

The next morning Deacon rented a large van, and drove everyone, including the bus driver Stan to a tiny chapel in the lower Rocky mountains just outside Denver.

Rayna wore a beautiful off white wedding gown and Deacon wore a navy blue suit Rayna had picked out for him the day before.

Watty walked Rayna down the isle and gave her away. Luke handed Deacon the ring as his best man. They decided to stick with the traditional wedding vows.

"By the power vested in me, by the state of Colorado, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride." Announced the reverend as he finished the ceremony to applause and an extended kiss to seal the seal.

Rayna and Deacon were both beaming as they posed for wedding pictures set against the amazing back drop of the Rockies.

He couldn't take his eyes off Rayna in her wedding dress. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and he still couldn't believe she'd actually said yes.

Rayna was equally as enamored with Deacon. He was so handsome in his blue suit and crisp white shirt. His eyes were twinkling and so deep blue against the suit. She loved him more in that moment than she ever thought possible.

They finished the amazing day with a late lunch at a local steak house for everyone to say thanks for sharing their big day.

They arrived back to the arena just in time to change clothes, and get to sound check for the nights show. Knowing fans, and the press would be quick to spot Deacon's wedding ring they decided to go ahead and announce the marriage at the show.

Luke finished is set, and as planned announced their arrival on stage.

"Thank you Denver! You guys rocked the rockies. I'd like to bring out for the first time ever onstage as husband and wife Mr. and Mrs. Deacon Claybourne." Luke announced to a crowd of 60,000 that immediately went wild at the news.

"Thank you so much." Deacon announced as he and Rayna took the stage hand in hand for the first time as a married couple to thunderous applause from fans and shouts of congratulations.

"We appreciate ya'll so much, and we're so happy to celebrate our wedding day with you here tonight." Rayna thanked the crowd.

"Do you mind if I change things up a little tonight, and play you a brand new one?" Deacon asked the crowd

"This one's for my beautiful bride. It's called I do (cherish you)."

"When did you have time to…" Rayna trailed off as Deacon started strumming his guitar and directed her to a stool

_This is a Mark Will's song. I own no rights_

_**"I Do (Cherish You)"**__  
><em>

_All I am, all I'll be  
>Everything in this world, all that I'll ever need<br>Is in your eyes, shining at me  
>When you smile I can feel,all my passion unfolding<br>Your hand brushes mine  
>And a thousand sensations seduce me 'cause I,<em>

_I do, cherish you  
>For the rest of my life<br>you don't have to think twice  
>I will, love you still<br>From the depths of my soul, it's beyond my control  
>I've waited so long to say this to you<br>If you're asking do I love you this much  
>I do<em>

_In my world, before you  
>I lived outside my emotions, didn't know where I was going<br>'til that day, I found you  
>how you opened my life to a new paradise<br>In a world torn by change  
>Still with all of my heart until my dying day<em>

_I do, cherish you  
>For the rest of my life<br>you don't have to think twice  
>I will, love you still<br>From the depths of my soul, it's beyond my control  
>I've waited so long to say this to you<br>If you're asking do I love you this much  
>I do<em>

_If you're asking do I love you this much  
>I do, oh, I do<em>

THE END….

Well…not the end of the story. I have plans to start another story 5 years later, but 22 chapters is long enough for this one. Let me know what you thought and if you'd like to see where I think Rayna and Deacon are 5 years into marriage and having a child.

Coming soon…

Old Friends, and Demons


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